Lying...what to do to stop it

amother

Mon, Mar 06 2006, 11:01 am

We have this problem with our almost 11 year old. We keep on catching her in lies. She lies about everything from homework to situations etc. My husband told her the last time she lied that next time think twice before she does it, and even if she did something wrong her punishment will be a lot less severe if she tells the truth or doesn't deny anything. He also expressed how much he dislikes it when people lie, and she really looks up to her father. Didn't work, she was caught again, punished again, took away priviledges. While in the middle of her punishment week, I caught her again, this time lying about brushing her teeth(trust me I could tell the difference) I told her her Purim costume is big time in danger of being taken away. What more can we do??? She's my first, so I don't really have experience in dealing with this age.

LubavitchLeah

Mon, Mar 06 2006, 11:16 am

You need to first understand WHY children/people LIE?
Example you posted she lied about brushing her teeth. Lets say she says I forgot to brush my teeth. What response or feeling from you is she afraid of. Your dissaproval, your dissapointment in her, your wrath/anger. Ironicaly if she lies she believes she can avoid this, IRONICALY INDEED. So its a cycle, a lose/lose in her eyes. Think about this post as a POSSIBILITY? If there is some truth in my post then think around handling her a different way to usual, example, place huge emphasis on positives in her actions when they occur and not such huge emphasis on her not "brushing her teeth" one night or lieing about , for an example "doing homework". Simply say , its late but you have time, go do it NOw please.

cindy324

Mon, Mar 06 2006, 5:26 pm

Actually the teeth brushing is like this: she hates to use the toothpaste, so a lot of times I have to stand on top of her to make sure she does it right, she had 8 Exclamation

cavities a couple years back and it cost me an arm and aleg at the dentist. So one morning, she was in and out of the bathroom in a flash, so I asked her if she used the toothpaste, she said yes, I said oh yeah let me smell your breath, ICK! after that she didn't even argue with me 'cause she knew that I caught her.

The homework, she lied simply because(IMO) she wasn't interested in studying. She brought me her homework pad and asked me to sign and I saw that she checked off studying for her chumash test the next day. I said: I didn't see you studying for chumash, she says "I did," I said let me test you, give me the sheet, "Oh, I forgot it in school shock

"Ahaa!

we have always emphasized to her that telling the truth will always have better consequences, no matter what she did

But I see your point, how she might be thinking it's better to lie and try to get away with it, thanks for the advice!

amother

Sat, Apr 08 2006, 4:46 pm

My mother used to tell us that we should look into her eyes (when she though we were lying) and she would ask us again. She never told us how she knew we were lying just that an adult can tell when you lie. Boy was I scared to lie. I knew she would see it in my eyes.