Menachem Avel on phone

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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HealthCoach

Sun, Aug 02 2009, 4:49 pm

How does this work? What do you say when someone picks up the phone? Who talks first when the avel is on the phone? How does it work if you call and it's not a good time?

greenfire

Sun, Aug 02 2009, 5:25 pm

on a phone the other party says "hello" first - so you got that covered ... then say what you usually say if you're being menachem avel ...

HealthCoach

Sun, Aug 02 2009, 6:20 pm

Usually I don't talk unless I'm very close to the person. Otherwise I don't talk unless the person talks to me. Am I just supposed to say the posuk on the phone or am I supposed to say other stuff first?

PinkFridge

Sun, Aug 02 2009, 7:39 pm

If you're not very close, you may want to wait till after shiva to call. I've been in enough shiva houses lately to see how crazy it gets with the phone these days.
If you're close enough to call during the week, you're close enough not to have to worry. You say the pasuk (is it a pasuk? Where is it from?) before hanging up.

amother

Sun, Aug 02 2009, 10:18 pm

Many times the conversation starts with the aveil saying "thank you for calling" or "(whatever their name is) speaking" to avoid saying hello. I have also had aveilim start by saying my name as the conversation starter.

Marion

Mon, Aug 03 2009, 1:54 am

Very frequently the aveilim don't answer the phone, so I start a conversation the same way I usually do:

"Hi, Mrs. So-and-So, it's Marion. I heard about Mr. So-and-So's father, and just wanted him to know I was thinking of him. I'm sure Mr. So-and-So doesn't really want to chat right now, but if you could let him know that I called and our thoughts are with him."

Aribenj

Tue, Aug 04 2009, 12:28 am

I thought you weren't supposed to come to the phone when you're in mourning?

PinkFridge

Tue, Aug 04 2009, 9:46 am

Aribenj wrote:

I thought you weren't supposed to come to the phone when you're in mourning?

Hopefully the aveilim have someone managing the home - meals, garbage, and answering the phone, among other duties.

It's a great chesed to make sure that the aveilim have an extra person in the house (if they want it) to be taking care of all these background things. I once was in this position and I was able to do things like walk chashuv visitors in and out, etc.

Marion

Tue, Aug 04 2009, 10:15 am

Also, though they shouldn't be answering the phone or making chit chat, many times the avel will come to the phone for an important caller (especially if there are no visitors at the time), and at the very least, like I said originally, you can have someone pass on a message.

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