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Minimal courtesy when being a guest
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 07 2009, 10:36 pm
amother wrote:
One more: no matter what you're used to wearing to bed at home, please wear pajamas when you're a guest. sometimes stray drafts cause doors to pop open.

We once had a bocher come for shabbat with no luggage. None. Just a cell phone and wallet. Now granted he took shower before he came, and he went home motzaei shabbat, but, umm...what did he sleep in?

I made dh take the sheets off the couch and put them in the machine b/c I wasn't about to touch them!


supposing he had brought a shopping bag with him, he could still have slept in his underwear. or his suit. or...

and you would have taken off the sheets yourself. eek.

sorry, I'm not grossed out. I've picked up dead mice when hubby wasn't home to dispose of them. sheets that may have been slept on with less than pajamas? ooh. so scary.

I think some of you amothers are way too particular. bochurim do strange things. like not wash their shirts for a month when they own three shirts. they're guys, and if they're accepting shabbos invites they're away from home. if you can't handle that, DON'T INVITE THEM. meanwhile, if you're worried about stray drafts, provide a doorstop to keep the door closed. no worries.

I think the moral of these threads is:

be a considerate host. if your guest is inconsiderate, don't invite him/her back. life is pretty simple
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Mama Bear




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 08 2009, 12:31 am
amother wrote:
One more: no matter what you're used to wearing to bed at home, please wear pajamas when you're a guest. sometimes stray drafts cause doors to pop open.

We once had a bocher come for shabbat with no luggage. None. Just a cell phone and wallet. Now granted he took shower before he came, and he went home motzaei shabbat, but, umm...what did he sleep in?

I made dh take the sheets off the couch and put them in the machine b/c I wasn't about to touch them!
whats wrong with sleeping in underwear, as some men tend to do.
'
btw I cant believe he was dumb enough to come without a change of clothing. what if for some reason he just NEEDED to change his underwear, shirt, socks... did he expect you to supply him with a change of clothing?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Sep 08 2009, 1:03 am
amother wrote:
amother wrote:
I am the OP. Most of the things in my OP are a female guest, actually.


That's strange, because you used a lof of the male pronoun in your original post.

Where do you see any male pronouns? The only one that was clearly male is the garbage..."5 young men".
As I said, most of them were female.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Sep 08 2009, 1:07 am
louche wrote:
amother wrote:
Please don't leave your dirty ...

I know I have more, but thats enough for now.


shock shock shock
Enough? that's beyond enough! where were these boys born, in a barn? Yeesh!

That one was a woman. A grown woman. With her bag in the room. She just saw fit to make a laundry pile I guess, of 2 pairs of dirty underpants on the floor.
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LiLIsraeli




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 08 2009, 3:42 am
At least you are now reassured that she actually changes her underwear, not like the bachur who comes with no luggage! Smile

Not to minimize the issue; if she was using your playroom, that's pretty disgusting.
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melalyse




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 09 2009, 9:26 pm
I think that people are being a little uptight here -

I would assume that most people that you are having for shabbos are friends. Do you never sit on a couch on shabbos and fall asleep, not meaning to. You are talking to you friend, she leaves to change her babies diaper, you start reading then fall asleep. Where I come from that is what happens on most shabbosim. The baby blanket is a little weird, but falling asleep on a couch?

Also, when I go do someones house for shabbos I am going with 2 little kids, I need time to set up when I get there. I can't come 10 minutes before shabbos and all is ready. Especially when shabbos starts @ 8:00 and DD goes to sleep @ 6:30. I need to come, give her dinner and put her to sleep.

Thirdly, I thought the weirdest one on the OP's list was not asking for something that isn't on the table. DS, eats everything with ketchup, I don't think that it would be that strange to ask for ketchup. Or some people put Juice and soda on the table to drink, what would be so wrong about asking for water. If these are your friends, why should friends feel awkward about such things?
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Strudel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 09 2009, 10:07 pm
melalyse wrote:
I think that people are being a little uptight here -

I would assume that most people that you are having for shabbos are friends. Do you never sit on a couch on shabbos and fall asleep, not meaning to. You are talking to you friend, she leaves to change her babies diaper, you start reading then fall asleep. Where I come from that is what happens on most shabbosim. The baby blanket is a little weird, but falling asleep on a couch?

Also, when I go do someones house for shabbos I am going with 2 little kids, I need time to set up when I get there. I can't come 10 minutes before shabbos and all is ready. Especially when shabbos starts @ 8:00 and DD goes to sleep @ 6:30. I need to come, give her dinner and put her to sleep.

Thirdly, I thought the weirdest one on the OP's list was not asking for something that isn't on the table. DS, eats everything with ketchup, I don't think that it would be that strange to ask for ketchup. Or some people put Juice and soda on the table to drink, what would be so wrong about asking for water. If these are your friends, why should friends feel awkward about such things?


I think the OP's vent is aimed at adult guests, not little kids. We have a 3 male guests who all have mental health problems. Without fail they ask for something thats not on the table. Drives me crazy for some reason. I wouldn't mind if a mum asked me for something for a child though. In fact if we have families eat by us I make sure to ask if I can serve something that the kids like and will eat. Hungry kids are not happy guests!
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amother


 

Post Thu, Sep 10 2009, 5:06 am
melalyse wrote:
I think that people are being a little uptight here -

I would assume that most people that you are having for shabbos are friends. Do you never sit on a couch on shabbos and fall asleep, not meaning to. You are talking to you friend, she leaves to change her babies diaper, you start reading then fall asleep. Where I come from that is what happens on most shabbosim. The baby blanket is a little weird, but falling asleep on a couch?

Also, when I go do someones house for shabbos I am going with 2 little kids, I need time to set up when I get there. I can't come 10 minutes before shabbos and all is ready. Especially when shabbos starts @ 8:00 and DD goes to sleep @ 6:30. I need to come, give her dinner and put her to sleep.

Thirdly, I thought the weirdest one on the OP's list was not asking for something that isn't on the table. DS, eats everything with ketchup, I don't think that it would be that strange to ask for ketchup. Or some people put Juice and soda on the table to drink, what would be so wrong about asking for water. If these are your friends, why should friends feel awkward about such things?

I am the Op. None of the guests from the Op were friends. The single woman without little kids who intentionally took a nap on the couch with my baby's blanket was a total stranger who got my number from someone and requested to come. Many, many of my guests get here that way. For most of my married life most of my guests were strangers or really vague aquaintences. now that we are a little older we have friends more, I have never been bothered by requests made by friends or actions they did while here. I must really love my friends and not see their faults or they really don't do anything impolite as guests.
You really think it is fine for a woman who has a bed in the next room to lay down in a public area in front of a man?
Asking for things not on the table may be fine among your friends it is not polite when a stranger is hosting you. None of the people in the OP had children.
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