my dd drives me nuts

grs

Tue, Feb 14 2006, 6:42 am

This is my first time posting here, glad I found this board.
I have a 6 year old dd who according to the rest of the world is absolutely perfect, but she drives me crazy. Her tone of voice is very kvetchy even when making a simple request. she follows me around the house half a step behind me and is always complaining that she doesn't feel good just so she'll have something to say. On the other hand she is incredibly helpful with her younger sibs, loved by her friends and teachers, doing great in school etc. Its seems to be just me that she has this effect on. I adore her but have very little patience for kvetching. Talking to her about it doesn't seem to help and I feel terrible about our relationship. She senses my lack of patience for her. I try to do special activates with her that won't bring out that side of her and we do enjoy reading together, art projects. . .until she starts her "needy mode"
I'd love any advice! Thanks!

elisecohen

Tue, Feb 14 2006, 8:07 am

It's funny; if I go outside with my kids I spend the whole time telling them, "don't do that; stop that!" Every 60 seconds someone picks up something they shouldn't. If I just let them go out by themselves and I don't watch, they're fine and nothing bad happens without me there to correct every move.

I guess what I'm saying is that as mothers we look for perfection. We want to correct every slight mismove. Others just look at the bigger picture in our children and see the good; or at least only see the bad if it's really egregious, not minor. It's hard for us to step back, but sometimes we have to. G-d gave us the children to raise well, but also to enjoy!

southernbubby

Tue, Feb 14 2006, 8:15 am

This sounds very familiar. I remember asking Rebbitzen Kazen of Cleveland advice about this when my oldest was six and had 3 younger siblings. She said that a six year old is really still a baby but because there are so many other babies, he is treated like an adult. She told me that I had to make sure that when I kissed a baby that I kissed him too!

chanala

Tue, Feb 14 2006, 9:02 am

I understand - my 6 yo whines worse than my 3 yo!! But you described it exactly - she is needy and needs attention just as much as the others, although you would think she should be able to go off and amuse herself while you're changing diapers already! One thing that has worked for me is, "go pick out a book while I'm changing his diaper, and then we'll sit down and read when I'm done", or "if you could be my mitzvah girl and put those toys away while (you check laundry, etc), I'll read you a book while I feed the baby", or something like that. If she's esp. whiny when you're on the phone, have special markers that she can only use when you're on the phone.

Every Friday she brings home her spelling test and I make a big deal out of it every week. (she's an excellent speller B"H!). And when I catch her being a good big sister I give her positive reinforcement ('you set a good example for him the way you X') - and when she's whiny, I have her say things the way she should, instead of whining - I stop her and say "instead of 'I'm huuuuuuungryyyyyy' say, 'May I please have a snack?' " and make her repeat it.

HTH!

Tefila

Tue, Feb 14 2006, 9:06 am

Whining drives me bissel nuts too. So when my 3 yr old daughter does that (interesting my boys never whined Confused

) I just say please repeat that in u'r big girl voice and we will talk about wether we can have it or not. It works when I'm relaxed and patient .......

amother

Tue, Feb 14 2006, 9:42 am

[quote="grs"]
I have a 6 year old dd who according to the rest of the world is absolutely perfect, but she drives me crazy. Her tone of voice ...On the other hand she is incredibly helpful with her younger sibs, loved by her friends and teachers, doing great in school etc. Its seems to be just me that she has this effect on. I adore her...I feel terrible about our relationship. She senses my lack of patience for her[quote]

this really struck a chord because I have a dd several yrs older who has similar good qualities and similar annoying ones Sad

- dh and I marvel at the fact that she can be so maddening and so fabulous all in the same person Confused

- all I can advise is patience, and constantly reminding urself of all the special things u love abt her Flower

613

Tue, Feb 14 2006, 2:45 pm

as indianamomof4 (I have no clue where she disappeared to) once told me, "girls are kvetches!"
my dd who is only 2.5 has already started. and I also will not give in to what she wants until she stops. and you're right, everyone else who knows her asks me "is your dd EVER in a bad mood?" Rolling Eyes

rainbow baby

Thu, Mar 23 2006, 8:00 am

My 5 year old son also drives me apsolutely crazy as well. To everyone else he is also an angel. The other day he was driving me mad, my mother came around and kept saying to him, stop it, calm down, when I said to her in the conversation isn't he being silly and wild at the moment she turnewd around to me and said, "He's doing nothing wrong he is acting like a normal boy." Well I nearly went mad saying to her you have just spent the last 2 hours telling him off and now you have just said he is doing nothing. But on the other hand it has always been like that, you see she loves him the best of my 3 kids as he is named after her father, so he can never do a thing wrong and it is always my fault. I'am just very frustrated at the moment.