A (potentially) desperate Pesach situation

chocolate moose

Wed, Apr 05 2006, 5:04 pm

Yesterday, after several days' bouts with chest pains, my husband was admitted to the hospital overnight for extensive tests.

It looks like it's anxiety (from a child returning from yeshiva not so frum anymore) and he'll be okay, once he comes to terms with the tzar giddul bonim situation.

My husband and I split up Pesach whereby he does most of the heavy cleaning and I shop and cook.

So - my co-workers want to know - what would I do if he were chas vesholom not well?

And I exasperately said, I have no idea; I don't have any frum family and we make Pesach a specific (Lub) way, it's not like I could rob a bank and go to a hotel or eat take out food.

So - I want to put the question on the table - what DO people, in desperate situations, do?

realeez

Wed, Apr 05 2006, 5:14 pm

you can hire a cleaning lady to do the heavy cleaning.

refuah sheleimah!

Pickle Lady

Wed, Apr 05 2006, 5:23 pm

SaraG wrote:

So - I want to put the question on the table - what DO people, in desperate situations, do?

Reach out to your community and ask for help.

For the cleaning part. Get a few cleaning ladies to come in one day and clean your apt for pesach.

sister

Wed, Apr 05 2006, 5:25 pm

SaraG,
Good luck with pesach, Im sure everything will work out.
About attributing your husbands probs to your son I dont think we could ever attribute a direct correlation bet two probs unless we are 100 percent sure....

downsyndrome

Wed, Apr 05 2006, 6:16 pm

Oy, yoy yoy, SaraG, I really feel for you - not because misery loves company, but just so that I can tell you how I've coped.
Four years ago b/4 Pesach my darling mother a'h was in the hospital, undergoing major surgery on Bedikas Chometz day, preceded by many surgeries and days and weeks in the hospital. She died a week b/4 that Shavuous. How Pesach happened that year is quite beyond my understanding. I did have a cleaning lady who knew my house from previous years and I just had to make do with how she did things. Food? We don't 'mish' with anybody on Pesach, so somewhere in between the sunshine and moonshine of those days and weeks we had homemade food too.
Comes the following year (3 years ago) b/4 Pesach, and I gave birth to a baby girl who was born with extensive medical issues. She was in the hospital for the first six weeks of her life, came home a week b/4 Pesach, went into heart failure, and was readmitted to the hospital on bedikas chometz during the night. My nutty cleaning lady copied me and she had herself a baby as well just at that time, so a new cleaning lady did my cleaning to the best of her understanding and ability and my darling sister-in-law from Montreal cooked most of my Pesach food (my husband DOES 'mish' with his brother's food) and sent it labelled, frozen all the way from Canada. The few foods that I insisted that I cook myself, cuz the 'baby was coming home' (from hospital #1) ended up being such a challenge that I regretted being such a hero.
Came the following year pre-Pesach (2 years ago) I was dancing for joy to be able to be 'home' for the pre-Pesach season.
Came the following year (last year) I was in the hospital with my daughter (the same troublemaker of two years b/4) who had a severe pneumonia and we came home erev Shabbos Hagodal, and then I fell into bed with fever. (In the interim another baby was born B'H)
This pre-Pesach season I am holding my breath, thanking Hashem every minute that all is stable, even though my troublemaker daughter had a bad respiratory attack Sunday during the night and she is on tons of meds and we are hoping not to have to get to the hospital.
My advice? Cut corners; get cleaning help (I think there is a '[gentile woman]' gemach for those who are $$$ tight), and even if you keep very stringent halachos for Pesach, some of those stringencies MUST become leniencies, cuz not being so strict sure still beats eating chometz, or ch'v getting yourself a nervous breakdown or heart attack!
Refuah shleimah! Keep us posted please.
P.S. If you will eat my food, I'd love to cook some for you; I see you live in CH; I live in Wmsbg. I can definitely make you some kugels,salads, meats, etc. Let me know

shalhevet

Wed, Apr 05 2006, 7:41 pm

Forget the chumras. Ask a rav the absolute minimum you must do. Ask friends with similar chumras to help with the cooking which will leave you time for the cleaning. (Like I said forget the chumras about not eating other people's food - check with a rav first of course)
And refuah shleima to your husband. Look after yourself too.

southernbubby

Wed, Apr 05 2006, 7:43 pm

There is a possibility that your husband will be cautioned not to lift, if the test is a cardiac cath. Do any of your friends have a spare teenager? Will the son that is off the derech at least move some furniture? Maybe you should tell anyone that you invited that you need to cancel. Remember that you can cook on YomTov. (Don't forget erev tavshillin). Shulchan orech doesn't have to me a big meal because everyone is full from the matza, wine, morror, egg, fish, etc. With the cleaning, dump all unneccessary items in a box and tape it up to sell with the chometz. Buy takeout for Shabbos ha Gadol. You mentioned a daughter. Hopefully she can peel the vegetables. I hope that your husband is ok and can make peace with the situation instead of letting it destroy his health. (If indeed that is the cause of his chest pain).

hisorerus

Wed, Apr 05 2006, 7:58 pm

Most of the "heavy" cleaning is probably unnecessary. Any that is necessary, you can get help for.

If you'd rather not eat anyone else's food, just cook very simple, less variety.

queen

Wed, Apr 05 2006, 9:07 pm

SaraG- I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. In your situation I think a Rav needs to be consulted as to what MUST be done and how. Pesach is not meant to be a burden and extra stressful time. Hopefully you can afford cleaning help, or at least for a few hours to do the heavy duty stuff. As far as food- go simple. Hopefully your family buys products vs. some that wont have anything processed. Hatzlacha and know we are all here rooting for you!

amother

Wed, Apr 05 2006, 9:46 pm

Refuah Shleimah. This situation is understandably stressful & to add to it Pesach is around the corner. Maybe you all need to speak to someone as to how to handle the much stress.
As far as Pesach. Last year my baby was born 4th Nissan.He was in the hospital until 5:30 erevshabbos hagadol(seder was motzie shabbos). Ofcourse I knew I was having a baby so I was somewhat prepared.However I was not prepared to go back & forth for 10 days, bring home a baby on oxygen & all the other things that came along with my precious baby.I had made batches of soups, meatballs & some kugels in a friends Pesach kitchen.But since we don't "mish" I brought everything to her house.
How do you get ready? Start by taking the time to cry. It's a great stress release. Then get help. My friends & family were great.One friend brought me back from the hospital one day & I was so overwhelmed but my house that she went & put in a load of laundry & took 2 more home with her.Another friend came & lined kitchen cabinets,cleaned the oven door (to get ready to selfclean)& cleaned a storage closet with my daughter.Ask for the help.Your friends will only know you need it if they are told.
The food.My sis came to me with her kids, she did most stuff. But friends wanted to send food.So 2 sent in most of Shabbos ( not yet really Pesach).Others sent in dessrts.Two other friends made food & made sure they made it their kashered ovens before they cooked g'brochts. Last year even my dh agreed it was all ok.(we asked rav too)

sarahd

Thu, Apr 06 2006, 4:28 am

My father tells the story that one year his mother was very ill before Pesach and could do nothing at all to prepare. The day before erev Pesach my grandfather took a broom, swept the house thoroughly and said, "Pesach is here, the house is clean." My grandfather was very makpid bemitzvos, but sometimes you are in a situation where you have to do the minimum.

If you absolutely can't take food from anyone else (because your Rav paskened that way) then you can keep Pesach very, very simple. No one will starve on meat with potatoes/chicken and potatoes/hard-boiled eggs. Maybe it won't be as much fun, but a wife/mother with a nervous breakdown isn't too much fun either.

mummy-bh

Thu, Apr 06 2006, 5:46 am

Dont waste precious time sorting and cleaning through things that you dont have to: SELL as much as possible! One year I had a newborn at this time, and we stuffed all the junk I couldn't face (books, toys etc) into cupboards and my dh just got happy with tape. Sold the lot!
May you only have good news and a kosher and freilichen yomtov.

ButterflyGarden

Thu, Apr 06 2006, 6:14 am

Last year for pesach I was pregnant and VERY, VERY sick. I got up from bedrest a few days before shabbat Hagadol and was back by chol hamoed. We had someone come and help clean and then packed up and went to my in-laws. Do you have family you can go to easily?

Tefila

Thu, Apr 06 2006, 4:52 pm

Quote:

If you absolutely can't take food from anyone else (because your Rav paskened that way) then you can keep Pesach very, very simple. No one will starve on meat with potatoes/chicken and potatoes/hard-boiled eggs. Maybe it won't be as much fun, but a wife/mother with a nervous breakdown isn't too much fun either.

I agree
also to get some cleaning help since how much can he do if he has these chest pains anyways Sad

Motek

Thu, Apr 06 2006, 10:11 pm

downsyndrome wrote:

P.S. If you will eat my food, I'd love to cook some for you; I see you live in CH; I live in Wmsbg. I can definitely make you some kugels,salads, meats, etc. Let me know

how very nice!!!!!!! Exclamation

chocolate moose

Fri, Apr 07 2006, 10:03 am

You all are very sweet. We are managing, but of course it's not like the other years..........

Wishing you all good health and a really great yomtov!!!!!

ny21

Fri, Apr 07 2006, 1:38 pm

have a good yom tuv! LOL