Engagement rings | Imamother

toastedbagel

Sat, Dec 05 2009, 7:35 am

um this is such a random topic
my stone is a bit under a carat - maybe .85?? so says my DH, who really doesn't pay attention to these things. it is a good color with a couple internal flaws - my DH figured colour over clarity when working with a budget, and I agree with him.
It is it a yellow gold setting with white gold prongs, I just googled it and it's a tiffany lucida style.
the whole thing was about 1,000 pounds or just under that, the stone and setting together.
I did not pick it, but I had showed what short of basic style setting I wanted (or more like what I didn't want), my MIL and DH went to a frum guy in England and got it from him. DH gave it to me in the Yichud room and I think it is beautiful. I recently had it enlarged mid pregnancy, but now due this week and haven't been able to wear it in a couple months despite enlargement, same with wedding band and just about everything else!
I don't think you can learn from anyone else's ring - every one is it's own story.

SavtaHelen

Sat, Dec 05 2009, 11:39 am

As usual, I 'have a story"....

My ring is .87 ct, very good quality VSII if I remember correctly. We paid about 5000$ for it about 30 years ago, of my DH's own $.

Now for the story....

I don't know how other brides feel, but for me, getting my engagement ring was a very important thing. I really really wanted that diamond on my finger. I felt like I wasn't really engaged without it. My FIL knew somebody in the diamond district, and he sent us to him to pick out our stone. Now FIL really did know this man on a personal level, and he very generously left us alone in a room to choose which stone we preferred. One was slightly larger but with more imperfections, the other a smaller but more perfect stone. He gave us a little ring with spring clasps so I could try each stone on my finger. We were all alone in this room, except for a small little Oriental man who was hand addressing wedding invitations ( for FIL's friends son's wedding) in beautiful calligraphy. The room contained a small table for the calligrapher, and a long conference table for the two of us. The room was carpeted in a long white shag carpet. I debated back and forth, larger stone or better quality, trying on first the one and then the other. And then, plick, the stone popped from the setting ,flying gracefully through the air and embedding itself in the deep plush of the carpet. DH turned as white as the rug, and in a split second the two of us were on our knees, combing through the shag. I wasn't worried, I knew that the ring was there somewhere, but felt anxiety that someone would enter and discover us in this embarrassing situation. Faster and faster we combed through the rug,DH a bit frantic. In all this activity and anxiety, I have to add that the calligrapher did not look up once from his work, did not miss a brush stroke or give any witness to our mishap. We found the stone. And chose quality. I love my ring to this day, and would pick the exact thing again if given the choice.

DH invited me out to dinner in order to give me the ring. We had ordered the setting from someone else and DH never found the time to go back into the city to pick it up. I was trying but failing not to let this irritate me. On the day of our date, I asked (again) if he had had a chance to get the ring and he said "no". When I went to wash, he put the ring on my plate...a kind of torture that you are so excited but you can't talk!

amother

Sat, Dec 05 2009, 12:25 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

Not everyone gets their ring from their MIL. Some people's husband's are the ones that actually use their own money and purchase the ring.

I'm the person you were responding to. Almost everyone I know, including my brother, paid for the ring themselves. Mine is much more expensive than anything dh could have bought himself. Guys that buy the ring themselves and are under the age of 30 are probably not going to buy anything over 1 carat, even if they make lots of money. you're just not that financially stable at that point in your life.
I'm just saying this from my family and friends experience. Men we know who clearly make more than $100K a year (lawyers in huge firms, investment ppl) and thier wives have smaller diamonds than mine.
Big rings usually come from MIL, and like I said in my case it was an heirloom, which means it wasn't even bought for me!

amother

Sat, Dec 05 2009, 12:57 pm

amother wrote:

DefyGravity wrote:

Not everyone gets their ring from their MIL. Some people's husband's are the ones that actually use their own money and purchase the ring.

That's exactly why I don't have a ring...

Dh got me a nice necklace - actually a silver chain with a fake stone - for under 100 nis shortly after we got engaged. Wedding ring was also on the cheap side (400 nis I think). He was a soldier and me a student and that was already "stretching our finances" . I think the most expensive jewelery I got was a gold bracelet to match the weeding ring, bought more than a year later for pesach....with the money I had started earning!

I don't feel I got less than I needed...

Raisin

Sat, Dec 05 2009, 12:57 pm

chaylizi wrote:

I didn't pick out my ring. I don't know how many carats & I really don't need to know. I could find out that it's fake tomorrow & wouldn't care.

it would bother me that my dh had lied to me, but if I knew from the beginning it was CZ I'm not sure how I would feel. Maybe it wouldn't bother me, maybe it would. One of my friends did not get a diamond ring, and I have such respect for her that this did not apparantly bother her..

toastedbagel

Sat, Dec 05 2009, 7:52 pm

ray family wrote:

I think it depends on where you live
in Israel the avg size is about 1/4- 1/2 carat
in bklyn (where I'm orig from) the avg is 1 1/2 -2
I actually remember a friend crying when she got a 1 1/2 her father called her in laws and offered to pay them to buy her a lger ring. they didn't go for it.

are you serious?? wow. I am at a loss for words. My best friend who got engaged the week before me and married the night after me told her chosson/his family not to get her a diamond (or CZ) at all, she felt that it was a pointless waste of money. I just can't fathom being given a 1.5 carat diamond as a free gift, and crying that it's to small. shock

amother

Sat, Dec 05 2009, 8:26 pm

My dh bought the ring with his own money.

It was 1 carat, D color (the best) but SI2 quality. The inclusions are white though so you actually can't see them unless you hold the ring closely up to your face. I've seen SI2 diamonds with huge black spots though.

I have 6 small side stones in the setting that adds up to .8 of a carat.

I had a friend who hooked us up with another friend and the whole thing cost $1800. It appraised for over $5000 though. If I ever lost it, I would just get a CZ, probably 1.5 carats.

Fox

Sat, Dec 05 2009, 10:33 pm

I originally had a 1/2 carat ring that my husband paid for himself -- about $500 at the time.

Unfortunately, it was stolen by a nurse who was assisting us with our DD in our home. Distressing, but not the end of the world.

After a few ring-less years, I ordered a lovely fake on eBay for about $100. It's about 1.5 carats, and I'm perfectly happy. And if I lose it or it's stolen -- well, I have the eBay merchant listed under my "favorites."

Truthfully, when I advise my daughters, I'll probably suggest they ask for a high-quality fake in a nice setting -- something better than my eBay special, but not the real McCoy.

amother

Sun, Dec 06 2009, 12:47 am

Dh bought my ring himself. He spent $120 fourteen years ago. This stone is small. The setting is really pretty...looks kind of like a flower. I'm happy that when I look at it. I know that dh bought it and not my mil...I'd rather think about him buying it and picking it out, than her! When I thought I lost it once after being married 3 years, I was crushed. (Dh said he'd buy a new one, but I knew it wouldn;t be the same! Found it 2 weeks later.) My bil spent TONS for my sil's ring. The setting turned out to be lousy, and the expensive diamond fell out of the setting on the NYC subway.

amother

Sun, Dec 06 2009, 1:17 am

I'm in Brooklyn, just to give context. In my circles, kallah picks setting & MIL gets diamond. (Obviously there has to be some communication because settings are designed for different size diamonds.) As it turns out, I happened to fall in love with a setting that was in line with MIL's budget - 3/4 carat. It's pave, so there are a bunch of little diamonds around the main one and on the band, but it was less than 1k.

I've heard that anything under 1 carat is significantly cheaper than over 1 carat. So the price difference between .95 and 1.05 wouldn't reflect the .1 carat difference - but not sure if that's just an urban legend.

On a last note - if this makes any sense - I chose a diamond that's wider and flatter rather than one that is taller and thinner. I love it - but if you hold up the ring and examine it when it's not on my finger, you can clearly notice "empty space" beneath the diamond, so theoretically a taller diamond of the same width would fit just as well into the setting. Doesn't bother me.

Seraph

Sun, Dec 06 2009, 3:21 am

I picked out my diamond ring. My in laws took me and my husband to a jeweler, and he showed me stuff in their price range. I have no clue what size my diamond is in terms of carats, but its roughly the size of a peppercorn. The ring is a twist of two bands, one white gold and one yellow gold and the white gold bands surround the center diamond and are covered in 25 very little diamonds. I have different taste than the usual and wouldn't have liked the typical large diamond on a regulr band...
Total thing cost 2000 dollars if I'm not mistaken. I have no idea about clarity. Its beautiful and its me and thats all that counts.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Dec 06 2009, 3:34 am

I dont remember the size of the diamond on my ring, but I remember that when my husband told me how much it cost, I was floored. I did not realize that he had spent that much money (of his own)
but I do know that it is a very good diamond as my father in law loves to collect different kinds of stones and so he was able to get the stone for a good price (apparently) and he was very proud to give it to me.
my husband and I went together to a jeweler and I picked out the setting (and asked my husband if he liked it) now, four years later, I do not like the setting and every time I wear it I feel like I want to change it (I probably will one of these days).

amother

Sun, Dec 06 2009, 9:45 am

I didn't get a ring in the yichud room (lubav). We were too broke.

But, I got one instead for my 5th wedding anniversary.

I picked out a ~.75 ct, G color, very good cut, VVS1, excellent polish and very good symmetry. I picked out a simple solitaire platinum setting. The final price was ~$3300 (of which the stone was ~$2400)

If I do decide on another setting (ie.more stones) for a later anniversary, then we'll upgrade. I wanted a nicer center stone now instead of more stones.