Has anyone ever worked with 2 babies?

ElTam

Mon, Jan 02 2006, 8:06 pm

As in so many other threads, people make these blanket generalizations that are rediculous. Plenty of mothers work full time and have happy, well-adjusted kids who don't need tutors or therapists. I am not saying that its not better for the mother to be home, because in most cases it is. (I can think of a few people I've known who were so miserable staying home it was awful for the kids.)

Without seeing your budget, I don't think any of us can say. In your first post it sounds like you have an option and could make it work. In your second post, its sounds like you wouldn't have enough to cover your bills. I do not think in any case it is a good idea to quit your job and make your husband "deal with it." I don't think any of us would like to be treated in such a cavalier fashion. You need to work out a compromise with him if you can figure out a way to stay home.

One thing to think about, is whether you could make it work staying home and making some money. What about partnering with another mother who does work outside the home with one or two kids? If you could watch one or two children in your home, would that be enough money to make the difference?

BrachaVHatzlocha

Mon, Jan 02 2006, 8:25 pm

I'm home on my 6=week maternity leave now. I'll be returning in a few weeks, leaving behind my newborn and 1 1/2 yr old. I work around 9 -2:30....PM me in a few weeks if you want to see how it's going!

amother

Thu, Jan 05 2006, 1:49 pm

I have two children and work full time. Yes, it's a conflict, always, but...
We couldn't make it on one income and I'm not sure I could emotionally stay at home full time. I have invested in my education and career and am making a difference in my community in a positive way. My children see and appreciate this. Also, since I am not a trained educator, the childcare my children receive in their nursery is far superior to what I could provide at home. They are being nurtured and stimulated in ways I can't. True, time is always compressed but I have to look on the positive that my children get [I]different [/I] benefits from having two working parents. I guess it's important to look for the good in whatever situation you have.

BlumaG

Thu, Jan 05 2006, 1:59 pm

I hope everytihng works out for u, I don't want to work and my husband wants me home with the kids, I am able to work sundays when he is home. but I know many ppl who get bored staying home with their kids, I g ouot alot, or I try to. 2 kids r tough but if u have the stress of not being able to pay bills then the stress can rub off on the way u treat htem, trust me, I know. good luck watever u decide will b the best decision for u I am sure

girlzmom

Thu, Jan 12 2006, 10:07 pm

Amoter, I am reading your post and I totally hear you. Some of the things I have read on these posting are ridiculous and some mothers have a lot of useful input (EITam, and nobody 28). Let me tell you...I have done BOTH. All I can say is that it has to be a joint decision (you and your husband) to make it work smoothly for the whole family. I have worked out of the home part time, worked from home to be with the kids, and now I work 6 hours a day out of the house. And in every situation I had to have support from my DH.
If not the kids will suffer even if you are home with them. If your hubby is not happy, you wont be happy and then you know what follows. I am not saying "go to work" because he wants it, but you both have to compromise in some way that can make it work that everyone benefits. You sound like you know what you are doing and trying your best to please you hubby and kids.
It's not easy when there is financial stress in a family, especially on the men, they usually take it the hardest.
This is a hard decision to make and I wish you the best of luck.
Do what works for you and your family...not someone elses!![/b]

amother

Sun, Jan 15 2006, 3:13 pm

Yes, I worked with two babies. If the world were the way I'd like it, I could have stayed home, but that wasn't what Hashem had in mind for us. I'm the main financial support for our family - earn much more than my husband, and working is a sacrifice I make for him so he can do the work he loves. It's not a matter of a new car every year (or every ten years, for that matter) or vacations, it's a matter of paying tuition for the older kids, and paying the house note, utilities, insurance, etc. each month. B''H I'm in a position to do this for my family.

BTW, my kids are terrific - bli ayin hara - good grades, good middos, sweet kids. If you can stay home, terrific, but if not, don't let anybody make you feel guilty for doing what you have to do.

Meema2Kids

Sun, Jan 15 2006, 3:20 pm

I worked with two babies. It was crazy, but doable. I had to be super organized, and I really depended on my babysitters. When I had my third baby I did not work full time any more, just a few hours at home, because daycare would have eaten up a lot of my paycheck.

This is only my personal experience, but I realized after I quit that my son really needed me at home. My daughter was always fine in daycare B"H

But, I am glad that I have my career/education to come back to if in the future I need to go back to work full time. We may need it in order to pay for tuition.

my3sons

Fri, Jan 20 2006, 1:19 am

I worked almost full time with 2 babies (10-4 m-th). It was hard but having a babysitter in the house helped alot. I knew I couldn't afford too much in child care at that time, so when I looked for a babysitter I told the agency what I could afford to pay and they only sent me pple willing to work for that price.

Maybe you could try to go back to work, give it a couple of months (you sound like you don't want to give up on a possibly good situation) and if you are unhappy or find it too hard, rethink again.

I am now working from home after having my 3rd and I probably spend less time with my kids than when I was working out of the house!! My work comes home with me every evening!! (I really have to crack down and keep to my business hour :-))

happymom

Mon, Jan 23 2006, 1:23 pm

I think if a husband isn't happy with the mother staying home it can be explaied and worked out that he is happy about it. I dont understand why a husband wouldnt want what is best for the children? Have you discusses/asked him about this??!

7diamonds

Fri, Jan 27 2006, 1:57 pm

Quote:

I can work 9-6 M-TH and 9-2 on Fridays after the baby is born

One of the things that I did when I went to work full-time was to ask my boss that instead of taking a lunch break in the middle of the day, I would take it at the end of the day-by leaving earlier and getting home in time for supper with my children and he agreed, B"H.
The other thing, to take off pressure, and have more time for the children, is take-out food. I try to give at least one full home cooked meal per week to my family, but the rest of the week is macaroni (1x) or pizza (1x) or takeout (1x). Sunday is leftovers and for Shabbos, I cook.
I also once spoke to a mother of 5 who made a deal with her boss at a prestigious financial firm that she has Thursday afternoon off. This is when she does her shopping and cooking and on Friday has no pressure to go to work.
These tips may help in giving you more strength and time to devote to your husband and children when you are at home. I know it sounds cliche but it is the truth: Make it Quality if you can't make it Quantity.

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2006, 12:12 pm

Original amother here-

This whole subject upset me for a long time and I didn't even want to think about it, but trust me I appreciated all your honest responses. I wanted to give an update on the situation.

I had been agonizing over this up until this very week, when things drasitically changed, B"H. I was just today given the permission to work full time from home, with flexible hours, day and night, as long as I keep my current quotas that I fill in the office. This is really the best opportunity that could have been afforded to me and I am so thankful for it.

As far as my husband goes, even though he wasn't thrilled, we had compromised that I should be able to work part time somewhere else. Baruch Hashem that's not necessary now. Not only will our financial situation be alleviated, but so will any conflicts we had regarding the work situation.

amother

Sun, Mar 12 2006, 12:11 am

My husband grew up extremely poor and he has always wanted better for his children. His mother was always home but then again, he had to share his tiny room with four brothers and they barely had enough food on the table. They were constantly getting donations and food just to get by. I think deep down he's terrified of this happening to us and while his paycheck would pay for everything, what would happen in an emergency? What would happen if he lost his job? Aside from this, we would have nothing to spare at the end of the week to put away, and how would we ever pay for tuition? It's very easy to go from just getting by to completely impoverished, I think especially these days when the cost of living is rising phenomenally.

I completely understand where he is coming from, but intellectual understanding is different than emotional, which is why by the end, I was dead set against working full time. Whatever the case, it was bashert that this opportunity came up, and now I just have to hope they don't change their minds before June!

amother

Sun, Mar 12 2006, 12:43 am

Try and see if they will write you a contract now, that way you wont have to worry about them changing their minds. Perhaps you can even start working from home sooner, so that they can see that the arrangemet will be successful before the baby arrives!

bandcm

Fri, May 12 2006, 8:45 am

and whatever you do, make sure that you make your set times for work, otherwise youll just keep pushing it off til later in the day and end up going crazy at 2;00 am to finish your quota. been there done that!