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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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BusyBeeMommy

Tue, Mar 16 2010, 10:15 pm

My 3 year old still takes a bottle of milk diluted with water to bed at night and wakes up intermittently at demanding one. She uses it as a soothing tool and drinks it while twirling her hair. I've come close to offering her half the kingdom since she was two in place of her bottle - loads of junk, expensive toys, extra mommy and reading time, privileges and trips, etc. She fiercely rejects everything. She would sooner give up the roof over her head than her bottle. Should I just leave it? It is becoming a real problem now as it causes her to wet her bed - no wait, SOAK her bed every night. She has been toilet trained from he age of 22 months during the day. HELP! Please give me advice and make me feel better!

mummiedearest

Tue, Mar 16 2010, 10:24 pm

ok, maybe I'm evil. I'd dip the nipple in something spicy, like black pepper. I suspect she won't want the bottle anymore. have a pacifier or something available for her. if you can give her something other than a pacifier, that's obviously better.

red sea

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 8:52 am

Two words - USE PESACH.

Buy a new big girl kind of bottle (maybe one of those with a flip straw top water sport type of thing) special for pesach and all the chametz bottles get put away and don't make them reappear after y"t.

BusyBeeMommy

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 10:36 pm

Red Sea, she know the difference. BIG TIME! I am scared that I will get no sleep and a lot of wounds from the ensuing tantrums that will happen. Oh dear me.

6coop

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 10:47 pm

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

Red Sea, she know the difference. BIG TIME! I am scared that I will get no sleep and a lot of wounds from the ensuing tantrums that will happen. Oh dear me.

Yeah she'll tantrum, scream, cry, and keep you up all night, but only for one, two, maybe three nights....then it's over and you've broken the habit. Get out your protective clothing and your earplugs and get it over with.

SingALong

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 11:08 pm

my DD also jsut turned 3 and is still on a bottle, and not just at night. I wish I can get her off of it since she hardly eats and its probably not too healthy.

pesach idea is good, didnt even think about it. she really soothes herself with the bottle though.

I give her a pamper fo rthe night, during the day she's trained

torahtots

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 11:54 pm

PP said put pepper on the bottle. I have heard that to wean from nursing (even more evil!) to rub vinegar on and say the milk has gone bad!

I would slowly dilute the milk - a little more water (so she doesn't notice the difference), then let her adjust to that for 3-5 days, then a little more water, till eventually she is just drinking water. You definitely should get her a new cup for Pesach and not go back, as she shouldn't have a bottle at this age. Either a sippy cup or bottle with straw.

I found that the best was taking DD to the dentist. He told her no drinking anything from a sippy cup except water. So when she asks for juice or milk in a sippy I just say no, sorry, the dentist says you're not allowed. That way it's not my rule, it's the dentist's.

I also taught her that after she brushes her teeth she is not allowed to have anything but water, and if she does eat/drink something she has to brush her teeth again. This is a good rule to have in place, kids learn it quickly. (Sometimes when she's mad at me she will grab a bite of something to spite me, but then she realizes it hurts her more than it hurts me because she has to brush her teeth again!)

You can also tell her that this is the dentist's rule - the dentist says you can only have water after you brush your teeth. Having it come from another authority figure works much better than if it's coming from you. Sometimes DD has a fit about brushing her teeth so I just let it go for one night and then later when she calms down she says "Mommy, you didn't brush my teeth, I'm going to get cavities!" and then I she makes me brush her teeth.

Get a book about taking care of her teeth - we have Dr. Seuss's Tooth Book. It helps!

Plonis

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 12:30 am

You can also start putting in less and less water or milk into the bottle and getting a nipple with a smaller hole. You will some days need to come refill more times, but hopefully she will fall asleep before drinking as much, which may help with the soaking issue.

If the wet bed is really bothering you, until you solve it, you can try using cloth pocket diapers with double or triple fillers. It does need to be washed, but may prevent the sheet and blanket from needing to be washed! (It worked for my 18-mo super soaker on a full bottle or two a night until the bottles were successfully stopped.)

Alternatively, you can put down chux pads, which may not help for the blanket, but should protect the sheet at least.

One of my kids did well with the cold turkey method, but I know with a sibling of theirs that will in no way work - every kid is different.

She's almost old enough to try bribery, if that's any consolation.

natmichal

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 2:44 am

I agree with the Use Pesach approach.
When I wanted ds to stop having a bottle (or more) through the night, I gave him a small bottle/cup with a straw (of the type that would not spill all over if they fell...), filled it halfway with water and put it on a special shelf near his bed. I explained that big boys don't drink from the bottle and that if he wakes up he can sit up, drink from his new bottle/cup put it back and go back too sleep. At the beginning I had to come to him each time to physically give him the cup and put it back, but that was it.
Explain to your daughter (who is old enough) that sucking the bottle (or pacifier or thumb for the matter)can distort her teeth, and that at her age she has to find another way to drink than the bottle.
I believe more in explaining than in bribing. I find that if you give a true explanation, kids understand it very well and actually tend to act upon it more than if you just convey that it annoys you to have to change her sheets every day.
You could also make her a chart on days she doesn't get a fill-up/wet herself/agrees to the sippy cup.
good luck

ysydmom

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 4:56 am

I had to take away my kids pacifier and bottles due to chronic ear infections for the first week I let them cry yes it gave me a migrane and there were times I wanted to cave in but your daughter needs to learn a new trick to help her fall asleep. Maybe offer to sing to her to help her fall asleep or pat her back for a while, try massaging her back while she screams.

I know it's tough on the nerves but if you really stand by it it will work. Pesach is a great idea. I hope this helps.

Just think when she screams that it will all be over by next week.

Blue jay

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 8:12 am

Slowly change the bottle to water. My kids keep a sippy cup by the side of their beds just in case they get thirsty in the middle of the night. Howecer water is not their favorite beverage and they are less inclined to drink it.

Also is your dd in a big bed yet? If she is still in the crib this could be a problem if she need s to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and therefore she will wet the bed. My tiwns are almost 4 and get up once during the night to use the bathroom ( not all the time but it does happen every now and then)

red sea

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 8:50 am

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

Red Sea, she know the difference. BIG TIME! I am scared that I will get no sleep and a lot of wounds from the ensuing tantrums that will happen. Oh dear me.

Of course she knows the difference but she is also big enough to understand that everything is different on Pesach and it will make the transition a little easier.

amother

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 2:01 pm

My daughter used to drink from the bottle until she was almost 3. She was getting ear infections all the time. Her doctor said that my daughter should stop drinking from the bottle as it might cause ear infections. The doctor told it directly to my daughter. She listened and stopped drinking from the bottle. I didn't even have to put the bottle away. She is "feeding" her dolls from that bottle now.

BusyBeeMommy

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 9:18 pm

Thanks for all the advice. Unfortunately, I tried explanations galore but my daughter doesn't buy that stuff, she wanted her bottle and didn't care about anything else, but I think I will try some of your ideas. You all made me more confident to do this. Thank you!

apple24

Tue, Mar 23 2010, 1:44 am

I have a lot of experience with this issue. I had 2 kids, on bottles age 4 and 2 last year. They were extremely dependent on their bottles for sleeping, especially, and also took bottles in the middle of the night.
One important foundation in this whole process is to realize that you are trying to teach your child to respond diferently to something she has had her whole life. You need to sympathize with her. If someone told you, until you have slept on a comfortable mattress with 2 pillows, from now on you are sleeping on just a mattress, no pillows, it would be VERY hard. No amount of "bribing" would help to make your sleep more comfortable, because giving a "reward" for sleeping without a pillow will not "fix" your essential problem. Think about how you would learn to sleep without pillows. You might take one away for a week, thne add until there are none. You might replace the pillow with something else etc...
Your child needs the same thing. You need to give her the tools to learn how to sleep wihtout a bottle. You need to "reteach" her how to sleep. I highly reccomend "Solving your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber. I know his method is controversial, and would not neccesarily tell you to follow it, but even if you don't he explain the root of the problem very clearly and it is very helpful, just in terms of understanding what your child is going through.

When we gave up bottles, I realized that my children used the bottles as a way of soothing them and calming them into falling asleep. I needed to reteach them how to "calm themselves" using other methods.
First we went through the house and threw out all the bottles. We put them straight into the dumpster outside (good idea, like other posters said to use the PEsach excuse) But the problem doesn't end there, its just the begginning. Then I sat with each child at night, rubbing them, singing to them, helping them get into a state of calmness and then I sat in the room (not by their bed) until they fell asleep. Eventually, I would wait outside their rooms, and within 2 months I wasn't waiting for them to fall asleep at all. But I still sing to each of them for 10 minutes in their beds, tell them what they did that was special that day and say goodnight and leave. If they woke up in the middle of the night, I followed this process until they were eventually sleeping throught the night. Its a lot of work, but its worth it!
Hatzlacha!

jewels

Tue, Mar 23 2010, 1:57 am

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

I could've written this post!! I know exactly how you feel!!! I didn't read through the whole thread so I don't know what every one else's opinion on this is but I can tell you what worked with me. My 4 yr old was still drinking a bottle and there was nothing I could do to get him to give it up. I tried prizes, sticker charts, praising, doing the diluting it a bit more every night - nothing worked. I wasn't in the emotional position to go cold turkey. My husband was traveling extensively on business and was rarely home and I just couldn't handle the tantrums and fighting. You have everyone telling you how insane it is that your preschooler still has a bottle and you start to feel really bad about yourself. But finally HE just decided he was ready and it was done. I think I did give him a prize as well but it was so easy without any crying or screaming or pleading on my part. I strongly believe and with this particular child I've been proven right in many situations, that toddlers have a strong mind and when they're ready they're ready. You can try all the other suggestions other mothers have for you and for your sake I hope one works! But if not just put a mat down in her bed and keep telling her how proud you'll be when she becomes a big girl and gives up the bottle. I've found that pushing the kid whether with toilet training (made that mistake with my daughter) or pacifier or bottle or even wearing a yarmulka it pays to sometimes have the patience to wait it out and let them feel ready.

jewels

Tue, Mar 23 2010, 1:59 am

red sea wrote:

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

Red Sea, she know the difference. BIG TIME! I am scared that I will get no sleep and a lot of wounds from the ensuing tantrums that will happen. Oh dear me.

Of course she knows the difference but she is also big enough to understand that everything is different on Pesach and it will make the transition a little easier.

Also big enough to look up at me and say ok so lets just buy one that is good for Pesach! LOL

They're way too smart for us

Plonis

Tue, Mar 23 2010, 2:05 am

The No Cry Sleep Solution also explains the idea well, and has less traumatic suggestions for creating new sleep associations.

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