child with adhd | Imamother

elmofood

Sun, Jun 18 2006, 5:38 pm

I just wondered if this would be t he right place to talk about my son who has adhd among other diagnosis'. I really need support and someone to share thier own journey with this very difficult disorder. I am going out of my mind espiecailly today as my son who is 8 is comploetely acting out and is very impulsive and desturcitve.
thanks

elisecohen

Sun, Jun 18 2006, 5:53 pm

It's been discussed a few times on the children's health and various age group threads. I have a son who is 9 who has ADHD (among other learning/developmental problems) and yes, it is far more life-altering than dealing with our 7 year old whom we have to struggle every day with to keep him alive due to his GI disease. It's the one with ADHD who has been avoided, kicked out of camps, refused services, requires special ed which costs ridiculous amounts in the Jewish schools, prevented us from benefitting from many opportunities, etc, etc, etc.

Not that I would ever trade him for the world, but it is definitely a trial to be his Ima on a daily basis.

BrachaVHatzlocha

Sun, Jun 18 2006, 8:27 pm

I have a brother who is now 19 who was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. He sure kept my parents busy -- and worried!
Just some chizuk for you moms out there -- the times are hard, the kid may hide his pills and get thrown out of class....but BE"H as he gets older hopefully he'll learn how to compensate. My brother is in yeshiva in E"Y shteiging B"H!

amother

Mon, Jun 19 2006, 8:42 pm

My DH and I are at our wits' ends. Our son just got "unaccepted"to a special summer camp. In our wildest imaginations, we can't understand why this camp for teens "special" behavior would not accept him. (If they didn't accept him, who would they accept?! This camp is designed for boys like him.)

We don't know what to do with him during the summer. His staying at home and hanging out with like-minded teens for 2 warm summer months will only spell trouble.

Does anyone have any ideas what we should do. We are anxious to hear some feedback.

elmofood

Mon, Jun 19 2006, 11:55 pm

I feel like my son wants me all the time and I am running on empty. he does not understand that I cannot always be paying attention to him and dealing with his issues. I find myself avoiding him as much as possible which makes feel very guilty. my husband is losing it too. any words of support would help and anything about schools in brooklyn.

amother

Tue, Jun 20 2006, 12:12 am

Has he been to school this year? Regular ed or special ed?
He may be entitled to a behavior management paraprofessional from the board of ed. And OT.
Is his adhd severe? By that I mean is it interfering with the functioning of the home? Have you considered ritalin or its likes? Ritalin was the yeshua for my child and consequently my family. It literally saved our sanity!
Can you pay a girl to come play with him, take him to the playground, to an indoor gym? I pay a girl to come help out when I feel I'm close to drowning.
Are you income eligible for SSI so that you can afford extra help at home?
Such as enrolling him at the local y, where he can go swimming, and other activities.
How old is he? Hang in there! Most important: take care of yourself, you need to refuel every day, (every hour, huh?), do things you enjoy, speak to a professional counselor so that you have a soft place to fall on. Be kind to yourself.
Sending you hugs, I know it's a mighty difficult task, to parent a child who has been diagnosed with adhd.

amother

Tue, Jun 20 2006, 12:17 am

Ok, I reread your post, I see he is 8 yrs old and destructive, etc. I can understand the chaos, to put it mildly.... You say he has other diagnoses, would you like to say what they are? I believe adhd is seldom diagnosed on its own, it's part of a cluster of diagnoses. I have also struggled with a child who's been destructive, etc. B''h things have gotten better over the last two years and are getting better. It seems as they get older they get better, or could it be the intervention we provided. If you want details of the interventions, post again.
Hang in there as best as you can!

dleah

Tue, Jun 20 2006, 8:56 am

Otzar and Ohel and Women's League and all those places will arrange for res hab which is when they pay a young adult to come and take your son out for about four hours a day. I don't know if they would do it for just adhd, though. Give it a try.

Also kids with adhd often enjoy hands on things like sports leagues and boy scouts. There are probably some such things where you live for frum children.

amother

Tue, Jun 20 2006, 2:28 pm

A little confused as to who is asking which questions. I have a 17 yr old ADHD & a 10 yr old.
First- our mistakes: parenting classes are wonderful for a child that will allow all that behavior mod to work on them. The ADHD kids won't so skip the parenting classes. The key with them is ATTENTION. My 20 yr old told me a friend of his always thought ADD was that the kid didn't get enough attention. To an extent he's right.
If I go with my kids to get in pjs, brush their teeth...the 10 yr will stay on task.Should I have to sit next to a 10 yr for him to do his hw? ofcourse not but with him I do, The 7 yr old does it on his own.It doesn't matter what "should" be done at this age, it's about what this kid needs.As for distructive behavior,is it that he is angry? Does he just like to take things apart?You need to know his motivation.This takes a lot of work & creativity.

amother

Tue, Jun 20 2006, 9:41 pm

There is a school for ADHD kids in Flatbush, I think it's only for boys. I think it's called Haor Beacon and it's part of another Yeshiva.The tuition is astronomical but it is supposed to be amazing.I can get the number if anyone wants.
My friends' son is there, I too have an ADHD 6 year old son and I do alternative things that work. For me ritalin is the last last resort.
I've been working with my son for 1 1/2 years now and he has changed a ton. I do a listening therapy program, various sensory integration exercises and brain gym. My son is in a regular Yeshiva, we considered putting him into Haor Beacon, but B"H he is doing really well now.
Life can be tough with ADHD in the house. I find the other kids resent when he bothers them and touches their things.
I am always looking for things to keep him busy and out of trouble, but it's not always easy.

elmofood

Tue, Jun 20 2006, 10:19 pm

wow you guys are amazing with the responses. ok. my son also has an anxiety disorder and odd. he is taking focalin and prozac. he is definielty doing better than last year. he is going to attend haor beacon school in spetember. he was in a regualr program this year with a crisis para full day and he got ot and counseling. he needs small class so I hope this will work. he goes to a psychologist weekly and to nyu for his psychiciatrist every two months. he is angry I dont know about what, but he always has to be the best so if someone says I have e.g. two cars, he will say oh but I have three cars so theres a lot of lying going on. I love him so much as he has such a sweetness and cuteness to him when he is not in diffiuclt mode. and I recently had a baby after him being an only child for more than 8 years. I spent a lot of time with my son, I read to him, play cards, games etc., and mu husband play sports with him. it never seems enough. and I do have to supervise him with everything. shower, dressing, etc. I am beginning to accept that about him. I applied for ssi and we are waiting for an answer. I also applied for a big brother from counteforces and they have assigned someone but he has not called yet. what else? what can we do as parents to not freak out and yell at him all the time. I feel like I am always reprimanding him for something. he has poor judgement and will do stupid things like leave fridge open, take one shirt from his closet and pull everything out with it and just leaqve it on the floor, or put baby on the couch and leave her there and then she fell. I really appreciate you letting me vent, I really feel better. Smile

raizy

Tue, Jun 20 2006, 10:46 pm

never trust your child around a baby. this is a precaution. u never know what he will do. like leaving the baby on the couch. only for one minete. etc. this children are very unpreditctable. u got to watch them every minete of the day and night.and that is very tiring. good luck to u and everyone else that needs it.

amother

Wed, Jun 21 2006, 8:35 am

Quote:

What's a "listening therapy program"?

It's a program with special headphones and specially modified disks, that work on the middle ear, which is the root of the vestibular system that is the base of many systems in our bodies. The program can reallly work if it's followed.

amother

Thu, Jun 22 2006, 12:58 am

elmofood, I love your screen name, puts me in a playful mood...
About your ds leaving the fridge open, etc. here's my opinion based on my experience with my ds who has been diagnosed with add, odd, pdd, the list goes on. I've found that my ds is extremely sensitive, and does not tolerate harshness. So if he'd leave the fridge door opened I'd gently lead him to the fridge and say, "Zalman dear, the fridge needs to be closed." He used to leave the toilet seat up and it probably took close to 100 gentle reminders til he got it right. I would gently say, "Zalman, the seat needs to be down." If he was distracted I'd take him by the hand...
I have to admit that in fits of frustration and exasperation I've yelled at him too many times.... And when after 2 years of my own therapy, where I was able to mourn the "normal" child I didn't have, and discharge the tension, and vent... I finally came around to accepting that this is my dear son and my attitude toward him and the tiring work involved in raising him has shifted for the better. I still get plenty angry, frustrated, the works...just not as often.I've identified some triggers to my anger, etc. and this awareness helps me remain in control when things are so out of control.... My ds did not respond to prozac at all, and I'm glad it's working for yours. I have incorportated Shaklee supplements, especially the protein shake, at least twice a day into his diet.
I would like to forward to you an overdose of koach and peace of mind...please return the leftovers, if any....

amother

Thu, Jun 22 2006, 11:37 am

elmofood wrote:

my son also has an anxiety disorder and odd. he is taking focalin and prozac.... he goes to a psychologist weekly and to nyu for his psychiciatrist every two months. he is angry I dont know about what ...

and he's all of 8 years old Sad

Without meaning this in an insulting way, it sounds like you, the parents need to see the psychologist and psychiatrist because each of the things you mention he has: anxiety disorder, ODD, and ADD has to do with his interactions with the people in his life, parents above all.

This is really so very, very sad and I hope you can get to the root of his problems.

Would you like to tell us about your and husband's relationships with him? Was your son a handful at age 2? age 4? When did these problems begin and why do you think they began?

amother

Thu, Jun 22 2006, 7:29 pm

I am the anonymous mother preceding the one above here.
One of the most critical factors in the improvement of my ds has been my
weekly sessions with his psychologist, where I'd present scenario after scenario and she'd guide me step-by-step on how to go about dealing with it. For example, I'd say to her, "Today Zalman could not find his second shoe. He got so angry, he threw it at his sister. Sister was terrified, etc...." Then I'd tell her how I'd handled (mishandled) the situation and she'd instruct me on how to deal with such a situation more effectively the next time something like it or similar would happen. We did weekly meetings of this sort, until I learned a whole new way of disciplining and dealing with my ds. It has literally saved our relationship! B"H the oppositionalism hasn't been a problem for a long time now, as I've learned how to relate to him in a way that keeps power struggles at a bare minimum, almost extinct.
Wishing you much hatzlacha!

Motek

Thu, Jun 22 2006, 7:40 pm

amother wrote:

B"H the oppositionalism hasn't been a problem for a long time now, as I've learned how to relate to him in a way that keeps power struggles at a bare minimum, almost extinct.

Kol ha'kavod to you for working on this as an interpersonal challenge rather than considering it a disease!