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Forum -> Parenting our children

Spoiled Children

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Motek

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 12:45 pm

How would you define a "spoiled child"? I'll post what I thought before I heard a shiur that discussed this and also what the one giving the shiur said, after I hear some of your opinions. Smile

southernbubby

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 12:53 pm

A spoiled child is the center of the universe or at least of his family. He has no concept of anyone elses feelings but his own. If his actions or disruptiveness disturb others, oh well, but at least this little guy is HAPPY. His happiness is his parent's main concern; not how he relates to others or treats others. His parents will stop at nothing to make him happy because if he is not happy than nobody else can be either. He knows that he just needs to display a bit of unhappiness and whatever he wants is HIS. Sometimes the parents do this out of guilt and other times it is just too hard to hear the WHINING so he gets his way. Does it sound like I have met some spoiled children?

mali

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 12:57 pm

spoiling = doing something for the child that he/she is capable of doing on his own.

abusing = expecting the child to do something that he isn't capable of doing himself.

red sea

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 1:00 pm

A spoiled child is a child who has no set/firm limits or boundaries in their life.

hisorerus

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 1:02 pm

I split it into 2 kinds of spoiling, spoiling with "things" and spoiling with love. In the first kind, the child receives every material object they want- food, toys, trips, etc. In spoiling with love, the child feels that everybody is crazy over them, and they get a proportionate amount of attention.

When you spoil a kid with love it can be fine as long as you discipline them as well. The problem occurred in my case where everyone spoiled a certain sibling, but I was the only one to discipline as well. And then I left home... LOL

healthymama

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 1:07 pm

spoiled child does not feel gratitude, takes it all for granted

Buddy

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 1:19 pm

the word 'appreciate' or 'deserve' is just not in the spoiled child's dictionary

bonzie

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 1:25 pm

mali wrote:

spoiling = doing something for the child that he/she is capable of doing on his own.

abusing = expecting the child to do something that he isn't capable of doing himself.

Such good definitions!!!

chocolate moose

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 1:27 pm

they say you can't love too much, but it's a fine line, I'll grant yu that.

gryp

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 2:23 pm

mali, I actually learned that in seminary.

a spoiled child is a child with absolutely no responsibilities.
a neglected child is a child with way too many responsibilities.

mali

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 2:35 pm

GR, I like the term "neglected" better than "abused", thanks.

I also learned that in seminary, but it was in Hebrew, so my translation isn't accurate.

I disagree with "no responsibilities whatsoever". I think it's "not enough responsibilities". It's the same idea, though.

gryp

Thu, Jun 29 2006, 2:44 pm

youre probably right about that.

Motek

Sun, Jul 02 2006, 5:09 pm

mali wrote:

spoiling = doing something for the child that he/she is capable of doing on his own.

That's precisely what the shiur-giver said Smile

I would have said that a spoiled child gets whatever they want, with or without whining and tantrums.

shayna82

Sun, Jul 02 2006, 5:17 pm

GR wrote:

mali, I actually learned that in seminary.

a spoiled child is a child with absolutely no responsibilities.
a neglected child is a child with way too many responsibilities.

how does a child with too many responsibilites= a neglected child?

just trying to understand that logic?

goldrose

Sun, Jul 02 2006, 6:13 pm

Motek wrote:

mali wrote:

spoiling = doing something for the child that he/she is capable of doing on his own.

That's precisely what the shiur-giver said Smile

I would have said that a spoiled child gets whatever they want, with or without whining and tantrums.

funny. when my daughter asks, "can you help me put on my shirt?" I mostly reply, "Yes, I can help you. But since I know that you can do it yourself, I'm going to let you do it yourself."

mali

Sun, Jul 02 2006, 6:18 pm

shayna82 wrote:

how does a child with too many responsibilites= a neglected child?

just trying to understand that logic?

like having a three-year-old make his own lunch, or a six-year-old do her own laundry. obviously, this child is neglected.

shalhevet

Sun, Jul 02 2006, 6:20 pm

A spoiled child is one who gets what he wants rather than what he needs.

goldrose

Sun, Jul 02 2006, 6:23 pm

mummyof6 wrote:

A spoiled child is one who gets what he wants rather than what he needs.

I disagree. if you got only what you needed, you wouldnt even be online now. just like you get yourself things you want, it's no big deal if a kid gets things he wants. all the time? of course not.

mother48

Mon, Jul 03 2006, 11:44 am

we're so careful not to 'give in' and spoil our kids, that sometimes when my kids ask for something, I have to stop my automtic no and think ,why not, they are so excited, n/t wrong with giving them a treat or s/t special. we all like special things, why not our kids. but, just not all the time, and not in response to screaming and tantrums.

goldrose

Mon, Jul 03 2006, 3:08 pm

mother48, exactly my point.

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