Wedding Gift Or Wedding Payment

ChossidMom

Wed, Oct 27 2010, 3:49 am

Merrymom wrote:

I don't think anyone should have expectations but if you're already planning on spending money on a gift, do the choson and kallah a favor and give them money instead. They really don't need another silver mezuzah cover or a crystal dish.

How on earth do you know? Are you speaking for all Chossons and kallahs across the globe?
I appreciated and used every single mezuzah cover I got and I think that a silver mezuza cover is a VERY nice gift.

Inspired

Wed, Oct 27 2010, 3:54 am

ChossidMom wrote:

Merrymom wrote:

ITA. I didn't qet any mezuzah covers. We qot a nice silver plate challah knife that we still use today, bechers, and a few other thinqs that I qreatly apprteciated and still do.
Breakable thinqs I am not so into because well, they all qet broken around here. but metal, wood, useful objects, those are qreat and I think of the person every time I use them.
I wonder where Sam is, he qave us such a nice pan....

Merrymom

Wed, Oct 27 2010, 12:02 pm

Inspired wrote:

ChossidMom wrote:

Merrymom wrote:

So you'd rather have that beautiful gift then some nice cold cash that you can use for what you really need?

MommyZ

Wed, Oct 27 2010, 12:06 pm

Merrymom wrote:

Inspired wrote:

ChossidMom wrote:

Merrymom wrote:

So you'd rather have that beautiful gift then some nice cold cash that you can use for what you really need?

Some people prefer to give a thoughtful gift then to give cash because a gift shows more effort and consideration in some cases.

Merrymom

Wed, Oct 27 2010, 12:11 pm

MommyZ wrote:

Merrymom wrote:

Inspired wrote:

ChossidMom wrote:

Merrymom wrote:

So you'd rather have that beautiful gift then some nice cold cash that you can use for what you really need?

Some people prefer to give a thoughtful gift then to give cash because a gift shows more effort and consideration in some cases.

Fine, but I don't get that logic. I already got plenty of household gifts at my engagement, all I wanted was money if they were going to give something already when I got married. BH" most people did give us money and it was very much appreaciated. I also got lots of presents that I already had with no way of returning it so it was just a waste. At the very least ask if the kallah has a registry (I did but people ignored it, as well as a baby registry later on and people ignored that too).

MommyZ

Wed, Oct 27 2010, 12:14 pm

Merrymom wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

Merrymom wrote:

Inspired wrote:

ChossidMom wrote:

Merrymom wrote:

So you'd rather have that beautiful gift then some nice cold cash that you can use for what you really need?

Some people prefer to give a thoughtful gift then to give cash because a gift shows more effort and consideration in some cases.

I also got household gifts at my engagement party and also had a registry which some people bought gifts off of and many other people ignored. I received multiple challah covers, vases, crystal serving dishes, mezuzah covers. I'm not saying that I think it's good or bad simply saying why some people do it. Another reason may be that people simply re-gift those items which they don't need or use. Yes cash is nice but some people don't give cash because they think it's impersonal or for other reasons.

Inspired

Thu, Oct 28 2010, 6:56 am

Merrymom wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

Merrymom wrote:

Inspired wrote:

ChossidMom wrote:

Merrymom wrote:

So you'd rather have that beautiful gift then some nice cold cash that you can use for what you really need?

Some people prefer to give a thoughtful gift then to give cash because a gift shows more effort and consideration in some cases.

Fine, but I don't get that logic. I already got plenty of household gifts at my engagement,

Well. there you go, I didn't.

Quote:

At the very least ask if the kallah has a registry

I have never seen a registry here. I don't see how a challah knife. mixing bowls, a set of hooks (one of our personal favorites), a pot, could go to waste in a jewish home. Most kitchen items you need multiples of between year round, pesach, milchig, fleishig, parve.
Decorative and non functional stuff I think is only practical if you know the couple (or at least the kallah) really well, but practical things I think most people use. I appreciated the thought behind every gift I received. Every single one was used.

zipporah

Thu, Oct 28 2010, 7:16 am

Inspired wrote:

They have "Hope I get" now.

If I use a registry and you buy me something from it, that's great. If you KNOW me and you see something I would LOVE, that great. If you don't know me that well (co-worker or second cousin who doesn't socialize with me, etc.) show me the Benjamin's.

My in-laws gave cash... less than the amounts some of you mentioned for friends. Yeah. Nice. Confused

Ruchel

Fri, Oct 29 2010, 6:56 am

I asked dh about the chief rabbi thing. He said several things.

First, that he wasn't really aware of random people going to the chief rabbi instead of their own rav, if only because they are very very busy and because that's what rabbanim are for, but also because he may not hold "like you". He said for many rabbanim even in Israel, it is at best problematic to follow a psak contradicting your minhag, so they tell people to come to them when they don't happen to be what the A or S chief rabbi is.

How do we know it's done? Because we see people doing things, and rabbanim allowing them things, that the chief rabbis do not like. In some individual cases I have asked, and this is the answer I got from the people.

Of course some have abandonned their minhag because they didn't care, or were bullied into it, or their children at school were bullied, or because it was hard to maintain it when being a tiny minority, or whatever. In this case, it seems some chose randomly, or for politics, or whoever they like best, or whichever eida they feel closer, but he also noticed this trend: those who lean towards DL more often chose the "Sefardi" chief rabbi, and those who lean towards charedi the Ashkenazi one.

Now, about rabbis:

He said those who are neither A nor S AND keep their minhag, stay independent, and don't refer to one or the other chief rabbi, while of course respecting both. He gave me names, yes. No I'm not posting them but if for some reason someone needs them, pm me.
Those who did not keep their minhag, chose in the same way as people above.

Now that we have seen to this stereotype, can we move on?