What Would You Do? Is chivalry dead?

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Forum -> Working Women

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happy2beme

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 8:44 am

ok, I don't need chivalry, but plain manners would be nice.

I was (walking) turning the corner to go onto my office's block & all of a sudden I hear loud ringing- I stop & turn around & it's a 50 yr old man who works at the office. He wants to go first down the block that's why he rang the bell. so I stop & wave out my hand (u know when s/o opens the door & they wave u first) and he whizzes by on his bike.

Then I get to the door just as he closes it. Now, by the office u have to enter 2 alarm codes, 1 by each door (the doors are right next to each other).
so I punch mine in, while he's punching his in by the 2nd door (he could've really opened my door for me bec once ur in one door all u have to do is push 1 button to open the other door). anyway, both alarms beep (thats when u open the door) at the same time. so he opens his door first. & u can't open both doors at the same time... so by then I had to punch mine in cuz the door locked again.

anyway, when I came into the lobby, the man's there locking up his bike.

I was so tempted to say something, but I held myself back (he IS older than me)

Would u say something????

besimcha

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 8:55 am

The way I see it: If he behaves like that, it's his problem, and saying something isn't likely to change him. Your test is how you cope with an annoying situation like that - accept it because it's a gezeirah and hope it's a kapporah, or be annoyed and concentrate on the other person's fault.
I do understand that it was annoying though.

amother

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 9:57 am

being as I'm amother & a nasty person, I would've yelled at him!
Wink

Milk Munch

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 10:09 am

speaking of chivalry being dead....
When I was NINE months pregnant and out to here--------------------------------------------------->
I walked into a waiting room with my TWO other kids. Everyone smiled at this cute pregnant lady with two cute kids but all of a sudden got VERY absorbed into thier magazines when I looked around. I kid you not, I sat down on the FLOOR and not a soul in the room offered me thier seat.
My husband is from the South and I know that in the south both your story and mine would have NEVER occured.

chen

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 10:15 am

I would have said something like "you know, it would have been nice if you had held the door for me rather than allow it to lock in my face." ( I confess that this would have been delivered in a rather more nasty tone than comes across in writing.) Of course it won't do any good--the man sounds like a total boor, even if he had to go to the bathroom really badly!--but one really must register a protest, just so he knows he didn't "get away with" anything and his boorishness was duly noted.

It's not a matter of chivalry but of plain garden-variety courtesy!

Not to mention that he has no business riding his bike on the sidewalk...

Mitzvahmom

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 10:17 am

oh I definately agree! In the US Chivalry is basically dead, you see some sparks of it.

I remember, while studying in Israel a vivid story. A friend and I were at a bank and there was a looong line, this woman walked in with her three children. Basically when the kids started complaining and screaming the entire room would part like the red sea and let them go first.

It's so sad that we cannot find such understanding in the US

happy2beme

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 10:21 am

milk munch, that is so SAD! I mean for a pregnant person... that is plain mentshlichkeit!

cindy324

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 1:38 pm

Oh yes that reminds me of the time I was on the subway with my two kids plus 8 months pregnant. We were waitimg in the station along with a frum lady with her 3 teenaged daughters. The train pulled into the station, the doors opened, the frum lady and daughters pushed past me and my kids, ran for the only available seats (rush hour, full train), we got on there was one available seat and I told my kids to share it.

The lady was sitting right in front of me, I'm standing practically on top of her because train is so crowded, staring at me like she' s never seen another frum pregnant woman before, but god forbid to offer her seat, or better yet, call over to one of her brats and ask them to maybe possibly give over their seats. Ugh...

shayna82

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 1:49 pm

I feel in general most people in those situations treat me nice and have manners. I havent had any bad experiences thank g0d.

Coke Slurpee

Wed, Jul 12 2006, 1:50 pm

Just to defend chivalry in NYC. With my first 3 pregnancies I travled on the train, at least a 40 minute ride to work and back, and I always got a seat. There were always people offering me a seat, I don't think there was ever a time where I had to stand the whole time.

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