Abused Victim Shares His Story, learn the signs of abuse!

smilingmom

Mon, Dec 13 2010, 7:39 am

ora_43 wrote:

If you look back at how this started, I've been saying from the beginning that in this case, the man's information should have been given and nothing more, and my problem was with the way people were gossiping about the case and saying "I saw the victim was his daughter," "I know his daughters and they seem like good people," "well I know him and he seems like a good person," "well I know someone at the yeshiva and they said that he... " etc.

Now you're saying all you want is for it to be clear that he's accused of attacking someone .... so what were you disagreeing with me for? or disagreeing with anyone for?

eta - I don't think the ACLU is involved in the laws I'm talking about in Israel and Europe. In fact, the laws were suggested by women's groups and victims' groups, and if they face any opposition it's from people who feel it makes it too easy to accuse someone of a crime, and not from victims.

Ora, in most of these cases involving frum perpetrators the victimes of s-xual assault are not their immediate family members, so the name of the victims are not publicized. The threads laud the wonderful man and his wonderful family.

No one says "I know the victim and he or she is from such a nice family"
They say " I know the accused and it cannot be true, because he is such a nice guy"

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Dec 13 2010, 9:20 am

Which is why I think these threads should be posted in lock status. A moderator can put up a PSA about an alleged/convicted molestor/rapist/s-xual offender in X location with Y status (out on bail, home arrest, released from prison, in hiding).
Lock it.
If someone has something necessary to add, a moderator can add it.

sneakermom

Mon, Dec 13 2010, 10:17 am

Nobody has anything against the innocent victims. Don't people realize the more you separate the victims from the perpetrators by going to the police, getting these people locked up, opening up the secrets the better off the victims are?

I don't think the victims lose out from us discussing the whole situation. They gain. They gain because we all learn something from the whole deal and we better understand what they went through and how to spot it again if we see it.

Yes we speak about it. And they have a voice too. And with time you will see that they too will speak and explain and communicate their experience, either by writing articles, public forums or speaking to the public. We are all in this together. This is a community issue!

We must discuss it over and over, so that we can process it, face it, deal with it......and embrace the victims while separating out the perpetrators. This is a PUBLIC HEALTH PROBLEM it needs EXPOSURE! Period.

amother

Mon, Dec 13 2010, 11:06 am

sneakermom wrote:

Wait ill you hear my story...

Ora, the debate was accusing the molester before he is convicted. You have very good points and the laws here do apply to protect the victims. Thats why I am surprised that The Daily News did name the accused.

Flower

ora_43

Mon, Dec 13 2010, 11:53 am

amother, that wasn't the only debate. The debate on whether the other thread was lashon hara started with someone who knows the family posting that the imamother discussion would cause them more pain, not someone talking davka about the accused. And people criticized her for saying that.

eta - I do think that treating someone as guilty before conviction is something that should at least be debated.

HindaRochel

Mon, Dec 13 2010, 12:37 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

ITA.

If there is a picture of him that would be posted (as at this point he could be anywhere). Really what else is there to do at this point?

Talking about how to protect ones children from abuse and where to go and what to do if one suspects abuse is different than dissecting a case.

smilingmom

Mon, Dec 13 2010, 7:17 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

Can we use the same criteria when discussing sheitels styles vacation places?
A moderator can put up a PSA about vacation spot or sheitel style. If someone has something necessary to add, a moderator can add it.

Give me a break!!!!! This is a forum dicussion. Not a censored blog.

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Dec 13 2010, 9:05 pm

Sheitel styles and vacation places do not discuss Jews for the most part. They discuss objects and places. Not subject to the halachos of L"H.

And there is a lot more input one can have l'toeles when discussing what sheitels worked for them and what concerns they had in vacation locations than random gossiping about a situation they don't personally know. Anyone who does personally have what to add can PM a mod. I can't think there will be that many posters who will.

Also, a person who has never been to Cape Cod will generally not post "I think Cape Cod is a horrific place because I heard there was a murder there" , but threads about alleged molestors who most posters don't know are filled with lines like "This guy is despicable; how can he do such a thing? Let him rot in jail/stone him!!!!!!" No toeles in either, yet the second example is a lot more common. It's as if everyone has to jump on the bandwagon and give their 2 cents.

amother

Thu, Dec 16 2010, 9:53 am

Anyone know if there's a way to contact Pinny Taub? My husband had a similar story to him, only worse, actually. He refuses to cooperate in therapy, and is in total denial. I told him about this video, but he shuts off anything related to this whole topic. I'm at a loss right now as what to do. I'd love to get int touch with Mr. Taub. Maybe he'd have some good advice.

amother

Thu, Dec 16 2010, 1:49 pm

OMG!

I just had to look something up in my family file, and found my kesubah. I just glimpsed thru it, only to see that Pinny's paternal grandfather was an ed, (one of the two eidim) at my wedding!!!

Does anyone know how Pinny is doing otherwise today? Is he doing well?

chavie11219

Sun, Dec 19 2010, 9:24 pm

amother wrote:

I was crying when I watched Pinny Taub. My husband was molested as a teen, and I have no idea what went on. He never got help, till I forced to start therapy recently. I understand a bit better of what s-xual abuse is now. Thank you for posting this. We're going through a rough time, and I needed to see this now.

hey....I know EXACTLY what ur going thru.....if u would like to talk to pinny please pm me and I will gladly give u his number

chavie11219

Sun, Dec 19 2010, 9:25 pm

amother wrote:

please pm me I will give u his number