Getting baby used to babysitter

abc123

Sun, Jun 18 2006, 9:12 pm

What do you guys suggest? I am thinking of going back to work part time and I have a 7 month old who is not so fond of strangers!! What do you think would be the best way to get her to know her babysitter...should she get to know her first when I'm around or should I just leave her with the babysitter right off??? I'm a bit nervous about it...(first kid)..Any advice???

happymom

Sun, Jun 18 2006, 11:56 pm

Quote:

I am thinking of going back to work part time and I have a 7 month old who is not so fond of strangers

I just think 7 months old is much too young to leave with a babysitter. I dont know if theres anything u can do to make ure baby happy about going...but if u do find a babysiiter hopefully your baby will like her and that will make it easier.

Crayon210

Mon, Jun 19 2006, 12:31 am

happymom wrote:

I just think 7 months old is much too young to leave with a babysitter.

How do you know anything about the OP's situation that you would say this? It's often hard enough for a mother to work with a young baby; to make comments like that about the decision is so rude!

happymom

Mon, Jun 19 2006, 7:56 am

I dont see how it is rude. I am stating my opinion so that if someone feels that this is an old enough age to leave ababy... I am saying that I disagree. WHy would it hurt anyones feelins? If someone else thinks otherwise and they think 7 months isnt too young, then why would they care what I think? thats first of all. second, if its already hard to do for someone, then theyll agree... so I dont see a problem at all.

nicole81

Mon, Jun 19 2006, 9:57 am

I think your comment definitely has the potential to hurt people's feelings. You don't know the OP's situation and whether or not she even has the luxury of considering the child's age as a factor. Furthermore, for most women, it's very hard to go back to work, and as guilty as they may feel about leaving their babies, they do not need to be guilted even further by a random woman basically insinuating that no matter what, it's the wrong decision.

OP- I think you should go with the baby and stay for a little bit while she gets accustomed to the environment. When you leave, she'll probably cry, but the more you prolong the stay, the harder it is likely to be on her.

Does the babysitter have a lot of experience? Have you asked her what she thinks is the best thing to do in this situation? Also, don't worry if your daughter is crying when you leave, babies forget very quickly what they were so worked up about. Trust me, after a day or 2 you'll know right away if the babysitter is a good fit for the child. I remember when dd was 4 months old I left her with a babysitter and she just seemed so unhappy at the end of the day. I gave it a week, but it didn't go away. As soon as I switched her sitter, it was a complete turnaround. So don't be alarmed with any iniitial crying and give her a couple of days to get used to the sitter, but if you still feel she's not liking it, it may not be the stranger anxiety, but rather a poor fit between sitter and baby.

I hope everything works out for you, btw!

abc123

Mon, Jun 19 2006, 9:02 pm

Thanks for the tips! I mentioned that I was thinking about working not actually doing it and the reason I'm so hesitant is because of the age of the baby so no harm done happymom!!! I'm just getting a little bit fed up of being at home all day. I feel I need to get out there again. But I am a bit nervous about leaving the baby.

nicole81 is the only way to know if the sitter is right is to leave the baby there for a while and see how she adjusts or are there pointers to look for before deciding on who to take?? I feel bad to "experiment" with babysitters at the baby's expense. (Then again I suppose how else are you supposed to do it What

)

nicole81

Mon, Jun 19 2006, 9:07 pm

well you can always get a feel by watching the sitter interact with the baby, but you know, when people are being observed, they don't always act 100% naturally. Also, your child will act differently if you're there.

but as always, look for a sitter with experience, good references, a safe environment for the baby (if she isn't crawling yet, she will be soon.) and you can get a feel for yourself of her attitude, patience, etc.

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, Jun 20 2006, 10:28 am

Don't feel guilty about sending your baby to the sitter. She is a bit older, and even though many people think she's too young, there are plenty of people who sent their babies to sitters earlier out of necessity. Your sanity is also important to be a good mother. Maybe try half a day at the begninning so you can go out but your baby won't be at the sitter the whole day...and references are the most important thing but ask parents who use the sitter who are like you and have similar philosophies. You can get an excellent reference from someone but the sitter might totally not be your type. That's why it's also a good idea to see the sitter in action and find out what is going on in the house - -are there a lot of kids just sitting in exersaucers or are they on the floor free to play? Look around and judge for yourself. Don't base it necessarily on your daughter's reactions. The sitter will be a stranger and your daughter won't be too happy about that...

Imhappy!

Wed, Jun 21 2006, 11:51 am

happymom I still think your comment was out of place (I don't think it was rude though just out of place) abc123 asked for advice on how to get your kid used to the sitter now if she should give her kid to a sitter also notice that she posted this in the working mothers section meaning that she needs/wants to work and you really ( you as in everyone here on the board) should respect the working mothers decision to work just like we respect your decision to stay home....

(it's hard enough to work ... we don't need the extra guilt.... (I'm talking for myself here....)

happy for you abc123 that you're staying home however if you feel your sanity is at stake than by all means go get your self some job (part time and something easy...)as hashem -yazzor mentioned (btw I just love that user name) your kid might just love interacting with other children... get a lot of referencee and ask a lot of questions.. and daven!!!
hatzlucha!~

happymom

Wed, Jun 21 2006, 11:54 am

Quote:

ok, im glad I didnt offend u because that was not my intention . It seems others find it offensive though so im sorry about that. abc123 If you do decide to stay home U can pm me for some tips on how make it work. Goodluck with whatever u decide.... It does get hard but I have found ways to make it alot of fun Smile

(most of the time...)

actually when I hear that someone wants to go back to work, like the way its written here etc.... I dotn just assume they are sure they want this or need to. sometimes people are pressured from their surroundings... ("because everyone works so even though I feel its right to stay home, I must work" is one example of what im talking about) So I like to mention that There are ways to make staying home work, and that there are people who di it because they think its the right thing to do, even though so many others don't..... (im NOT talking about people who cant survive money-wise without working)

shalhevet

Wed, Jun 21 2006, 2:55 pm

I would go with the baby to the sitter the first day. At first hold him with her in the room, then gradually put him on some neutral territory (e.g. the floor) while you are both there, then she could pick him up while you are there. This may take a couple of hours.

The next day take him, repeat the process, maybe quicker; then leave for 10-15 minutes and then come back and take him home.

The next time you should be able to leave him for much longer, but count on leaving enough time to be with him for a few minutes when you drop him off for a couple of weeks at least.

About choosing a babysitter, look for someone warm and intelligent who is relaxed and happy and not overstressed about cleanliness and order (someone like that can not let a child play/ eat freely so they/her house won't get dirty). Though, of course, you do want a clean house for hygeine reasons. Go and see her with your child. How does she relate to him? Is she someone you could see yourself liking as a friend? I think you can trust your instincts, especially if she is a frum woman who is known in the community.

Good Luck!

amother

Fri, Jun 23 2006, 1:03 am

I say spend some time with your baby at the prospective babysitter's home. This way, baby has Mommy's presence while getting to know a new environment. Also, I'd say to make your escape while baby is distracted with a toy.
With an older child, I advise mommies to tell the child, "Mommy is going bye-bye. Mommy will come back soon" I encourage mothers to make that "soon" a 10-minute leave, and gradually work it up....
With a 7-month-old escaping while baby is distracted seems to work. If baby begins to notice Mommy is missing, sitter steps in to comfort baby, hold him/her, soothe him/her, talk to baby gently, etc. It usually works.
It's important for sitter to be warm, gentle, and patient. Not cold, harsh, or impatient.
Some babies are ok with the arrangement, they adjust so easily; others just can't get used to being away from Mommy.
Yeah, I'm a babysitter. And the one comment I keep hearing from the mothers is, "I can't believe my baby didn't cry! S/he didn't cry at all?! "
So I pat myself on the back and tell myself, I must be doing something right.....

abc123

Sun, Jul 16 2006, 8:17 am

Okay so it's been one week since baby started going to babysitter. She cries every time I leave her but when I call babysitter a couple of hours later to see how things are going she always says she's happy, didn't cry more than a few minutes etc. (Well do you think she'd say that she hates it here...???) I can't say any time I've picked her up that she's looked particularly happy...although not crying just sad, like I'm here because I have to be etc... and VERY excited to see me. And she's now terrified whenever I leave the room - even at home - that I'm gonna leave her. Do you think she'll eventually get used to it? How much time should I give it??

amother

Mon, Jul 17 2006, 11:44 pm

If your baby is not happy there must be a rason. its a very serious thing... u dont want her to feel scared evey time u leave the room... I would look into another babysitter. besides, do u have to be working now? your baby is ony seven months. that is VEYR VERY young..

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, Jul 18 2006, 10:02 am

I would wait another week. Your baby is just not used to being away from you -- and it might not be a reflection on the babysitter herself, but on the entire situation, and you would have the same problem elsewhere. She is at the age where she can start having "separation anxiety" and this is compunded with the fact that she is used to having you around the whole time. Give it a little more time and see if she seems happier.
How long is she there for? Maybe she's tired at the end of the day and therefore looks sad? Is she playing? Ask the sitter if she plays, and with what, and if there is anything you can bring from home like a "lovey" -- a blankie or favorite stuffed animal if she has -- to make her feel better.

Imhappy!

Tue, Jul 18 2006, 11:59 am

first of all I wonder why the above two posts were written by OP what's so private about discussing a baby at a sitter? talk about abusing OP Mad

abc123 seven months is the age that they have the seperation anxiety meaning that they cry when you leave the room... my dd cries when I leave the room even when my DH is holding her and she loves DH so it does not have mean that this is a sitter problem its more of an age problem.

however it might be the sitter since your kids doesnt talk its up to you to figure things out I think a fair time to try is 2 weeks. By two weeks the kids should be used to the sitter. My DD is not delighted to be settled by the sitter (my first was but my baby now gives me a harder time) and the sitter tells me that she's great as soon as I leave that she cries just to let me know she prefers me but then she settles and is happy.

I like to stand behind the door for a minute or two and usally I hear the sitter calm the kid and give her a toy and then I leave also when u call you can hear the kid crying in hte back or not...

and back to the beg. of this post. ABC123 asked for advice on (read the subject title) GETTING BABY USED TO BABYSITTER not if she should be working with a 7 month old or not. so keep to subject at hand!!