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Chinuch and Fear



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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 10 2005, 12:49 pm
FEAR NO ONE AND NOTHING, ONLY G-D!

It’s easier to raise fearful children, children who are afraid of punishment, afraid of a look, afraid of a bad mark, of parents, teachers, peers, of what people will say or think of them. Fearful children are well behaved. But there’s a price to pay!

By Rochel Shavi

Chinuch. A ponderous word. What hasn’t already been said or written about chinuch? Today we will be brief because there is no time and no head for it; also, because everything was said already and we need the bottom line. Nowadays, you can find it everywhere – the bottom line. That says it all on one foot, so to speak. A pithy line that strikes home.

Special individuals understood this long ago. Tanach and Chazal are full of one-liners:

Shma Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad

Anochi Hashem Elokecha ...

V’Ohavta L’Rei’acha Kamocha

Mi L’Hashem Eilai

Yechi Ha’Melech!

R’ Eliezer, the hidden tzaddik, tried to compress all of chinuch into one vort and to present it to his young son in a way that would be understandable to a five year old (and some say a year and a half old). Giving him his entire chinuch in the few moments remaining to him before he passed away, he said as follows:

“Yisraelik, my son: Do not fear anyone or anything in the world. Fear only the one G-d.”

What was that? “Fear only Hashem Echad.”

(And then, naturally, you will love Him and those whom He loves, with all your heart).

Don’t be afraid.

That is the entire Torah on one foot.

It’s not hard to see how all of Chassidus is the fulfillment of this last will and testament. Don’t be afraid.

How does this fit with fear of parents and teachers, with the fear of the strap the Rambam talks about? Apparently, you have to transform it into G-dly terms, because when it comes down to it, even parents and teachers are really only G-dliness, right?

As with all things, the Baal Shem Tov said what to do, and the Alter Rebbe said how to do it, how to fear Hashem and not yourself or anybody else. It’s simple.

Think about how Hashem fills the world and encompasses the world, and all of existence is nothing.

It means that, “Come sweetie, sit next to Mommy – let’s think about how Hashem watches over you and sees everything and hears too, and everybody knows how there is nothing in the world that He doesn’t see, including what happened to you today in … Hashem knows. And is so sad. And how much He loves you, even more than me. Because you are so…the most special to him, and the most loved.

“So what do you have to fear when you have such a great Father in heaven who does everything for you? Who is … that you should be frightened of him? What can he do? Nothing! Nobody can do anything. Anything! Only what Hashem tells them to do. In order to hint to you that…so that you pay attention to… Do you understand? Because when you learn that…you will be wiser and better. Understand?”

Of course, he understands. Because it’s true. He understands because he heard this many times before, and will continue to hear it, with many examples to illustrate it.

It’s much easier to raise fearful children.

Children who are used to being afraid. Who know that if they don’t…then…

They are afraid of being punished, afraid of a look, afraid of a bad mark, of parents, teachers and peers, of what people will say or think of them. Of what will become of them and in general, what will be; of what will happen if they’re not …

It’s very easy to frighten children.

Frightened children are very obedient. They are more amenable to their environment at home and in school.

However, there is a price.

No, I’m not referring to stuttering or twitches. And not about bedwetting at night. That’s brutality and we are gentle people.

Gentle people pay a gentle price, I.e. a price that you can live with. It’s simple: a fearful person cannot be a Chassid. Not a real Chassid. Never, and certainly not nowadays, in the era when matters are yisbareru v’yislabnu (purified and clarified).

***
Why is it so important to teach a child not to be afraid?

Because a nisayon, any test, is an illusion.

It’s the fear of losing something, whether love, confidence, health, one’s life, desires, pleasure, peer approval.

The fear of losing who knows what that awaits me there, outside, beyond this troublesome choice.

How can one raised to live or work out of fear, withstand nisyonos? (Perhaps this is why it’s the lowest of the low who withstand tests better than those who should know better, because they are simply less educated for the most part…)

***
400 years ago, on a wintry night, there was a knock at the door of a very simple Jew who lived in the city of Tzfas. The simple Jew opened the door and in walked Eliyahu Ha’Navi.

“I’ve come to tell you when Moshiach will come!” announced Eliyahu happily. “Before we begin to learn, just tell me what you did on the day of your bar mitzva for which you merited that I was sent to you in order to reveal this deepest of secrets.”

The simple Jew told Eliyahu that he was taught that Jews do mitzvos for the sake of Heaven, and not for honor, even if it means foregoing a revelation like this. In short, the simple Jew said no thank you to Eliyahu, and Eliyahu left.

Achiya Ha’Shiloni told this story to Rabbi Adam Baal Shem.

Achiyah Ha’Shiloni was the reincarnation of Avraham Avinu who did not fear Nimrod or anything at all. The entire world was on one side, and Avraham was on the other side. This so characterized him that he was called “Ha’Ivri.” The one who is different. The one who is always on the other side, alone, standing up for what he believes in - not swayed by anyone, even the majority.

Achiya Ha’Shiloni was the teacher of Eliyahu Ha’Navi who was unafraid of the wicked and powerful Queen Izevel and King Achav. Eliyahu was unafraid of their 400 false prophets. Rather than fear, he was zealous. Zealous for G-d. Even if he was the only one, and all the strong ones were on the other side, in addition to a very large group of fence sitters who waited to see how things would work out.

Eliyahu was the teacher of Rashbi (who was the reincarnation of Achiya who was the reincarnation of Avraham). During the dark and oppressive era under cruel Roman rule, Rashbi was the only one who wasn’t afraid to say it the way it was – that even the good things that the Romans did, they did for themselves. This is precisely how the Alter Rebbe ends the first chapter of his life’s work, the Tanya.

Needless to say, they both paid dearly for this line.

But so what? It’s the truth!

***
The simply Jew of Tzfas was a previous incarnation of the Baal Shem Tov. And this characteristic, to choose the ikar, the main thing and not any side benefits, no matter how wonderful they are; the courage to forego the giluyim, the prizes, and not to fear losing even… This characteristic is what Yisraelik, who later became the Baal Shem Tov, was all about. His father identified it and commanded him to bring it out into the open.

How do we remain loyal to the truth? How do we make the right choices? Always choose the ikar!

Even in the midst of a terrible test - not to fear the tafel (that which is secondary)? How do you do that?

By fearing (only) Hashem. Always.

This is what the Rebbe told us to tell children.

“V’Hinei Hashem nitzav alav” (Behold, Hashem stands over him – over you). “And fills the entire world with His glory” (He doesn’t care about the entire world, just about you!). “And watches him” (a very focused look because of His great love for you). “And examines kidneys and heart” (He pays attention to nothing, for aside from you and Him, nothing else exists). To see, “if you serve Him properly” – to see if you do not fear any nonsense including your Evil Inclination and its foolishness, and you succeed in not getting dragged along after trivialities. To see that you only consider Him, whom you serve, meaning, that you are going right now to do a mitzva for Him.

Children who internalize this verse can be difficult children. They do not fear the second to the king Pharaoh. They identify the smallest flaw, which makes every distinguished person – every second to the king and every king – into the second to the king Achashveirosh. Then, they “don’t kneel or bow down.” No wonder parents are called down to the school…and it’s not pleasant. Because it’s a childish “not kneeling.” It’s not mature, not seemly.

This leads to the desire, for chinuch reasons, to break them of this. To frighten them.

That will give you a few months of quiet.

However, you can also sit down with them and teach them Tanya. Explain that each of us has a yetzer hara and we don’t always overcome it. Not even the adults. Halevai a beinoni.

Your job is to work on yourself. I want to see you succeed, my little warrior.

As the Alter Rebbe writes in the introduction to Tanya – this is the long route! Results are not immediate.

Yet, there is a higher probability that when the moment comes, and they are faced with a test with sharp teeth and loud barking and/or a big box of candy, that they will remember that there is the ikar, and the rest is tafel.

And they will remember that the dog is being held by someone with a strong leash, and he won’t allow it to do anything to you, because it’s only a test. They will swallow their fear and take the risk, forego the candy and choose the king.

And choose the king, and choose the king, l’olam va’ed.

Yechi Ha’Melech!
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Pickle Lady




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 10 2005, 1:04 pm
Thanks Motek. I liked that. Now I have to implement it. Well theres no time better than RIGHT NOW..... so here I go
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gryp




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 10 2005, 3:13 pm
puts a wonderful perspective on things. thanx for sharing.
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sarahd




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 10 2005, 5:40 pm
Quote:
And they will remember that the dog is being held by someone with a strong leash, and he won’t allow it to do anything to you, because it’s only a test. They will swallow their fear and take the risk, forego the candy and choose the king.

And choose the king, and choose the king, l’olam va’ed.

Yechi Ha’Melech!


I am confused by this part. Which king is supposed to be chosen? Is it the Melech Malchei Hamelochim? If so, then what is Yechi Hamelech supposed to mean? Presumably, we don't need to bless Hashem that He should live. If the king is someone other than Hashem, what does it mean to choose the king L'olam va'ed?
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Feb 11 2005, 10:50 am
see Melachim I, 1:31 where Bas-sheva says, 'yechi adoni ha'melech Dovid l'olam"

it's a phrase used to a king, and the author, a Lubavitcher, is referring to the Lubavitcher Rebbe

I suggest that any further discussion of this belongs in a new thread.
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