Advice regarding school for next year for a child

amother

Thu, Aug 10 2006, 11:59 am

granolamom wrote:

I personally would consider homeschooling before public school.

pm me if you want

you wrote about homeschool before public school....I have a kid with special needs and while I really don't want to consider public school I can't see homeschool as an option for my child who also has emotional/social/behavior problems and I'll tell you why...I think for kids with those kind of problems social interaction is very very important. They can't learn how to adapt to their enviornment if they have no social skills. Believe me I have been crying for the last 3 years about my child's special needs..at times I feel punished, Why me? But I also have to come to terms with it and in that I think it means coming to terms with his needs. Believe me I HATE the thought of public school but if it's best what is my choice?
Please let me know why you feel this way? I am really intersted because I am facing this and it would help me with my own decision!

amother

Thu, Aug 10 2006, 12:03 pm

amother wrote:

I live in NY and was continually encouraged to place my dd in public school because in ps the teachers are trained to deal with her issues, behavioral issues. Board of Ed has classified her as emotionally disturbed. I talked to lots of people in the community, from different organizations, most of them agreed that my child would need a special ed class, however all the special ed classes were IMHO inappropiate for my dd. The only 2 people who agreed with me were my dd's therapist and the amazing Rabbi E. (principal of one of the local schools).
I appealed to the Dept. of Ed to provide a one-on-one shadow for my dd, which was somewhat of a help.
B"H it's now 3 yrs later and my dd is blossoming, thriving, growing, keeping up with her peers behaviorally, socially, etc.
Three years ago I had no way of knowing this would be the outcome. Had I discounted my own intuition and gone along with the recommendation of placing my dd in ps, I shudder at the thought of it......
I kept asking and keep asking Hashem for guidance and siyata dishmaya, every week at the Shabos lecht I ask him to be "chonen daas" to me, for without Him I cannot do it.
B"H, the child who (almost) everyone thought was doomed has come out of the tunnel alive and well.
I must say that what's made a big diff was showering her with lots of unconditional love, complimenting whenever possible, talking to her gently and with sensitivity, etc.
Hatzlacha to you!

I have to say your story makes me Jealous. I have struggled with this with my child. I put her into a regular frum school but am not sure I did the right thing. You are very lucky, B"H but I am not sure this is a realistic approach for most parents. I am curious to know what the turning point for your child. I am waiting for my child to reach his/her turning point. I hope Hashem has rachmanus on me because this child is controlling my life.

amother

Thu, Aug 10 2006, 12:10 pm

amother wrote:

one more thing...

does anyone know if there is a support group for parents with special needs. I would love to talk to some mothers who have dealt with this. I want to keep things confidential but need support.ALso I would prefer to talk to someone who doesn't live in NY because I live out of town and want to know how parents who don't live near a frum Jewish special ed school have done. I wish there were resources where I live like NY but there are just not

granolamom

Thu, Aug 10 2006, 1:59 pm

Quote:

I also have to come to terms with it and in that I think it means coming to terms with his needs. Believe me I HATE the thought of public school but if it's best what is my choice?
Please let me know why you feel this way? I am really intersted because I am facing this and it would help me with my own decision!

Its not an easy decision that's for sure. and just because I personally would choose to hs before ps doesn't mean I think you should. Obviously you know your child best.
but I'll tell you why I feel this way, my dd also has special needs including social/emotional/behavioral stuff. she does need social interaction. but I strongly suspect that if she was in PS setting she would gravitate towards the worst behavior around. obviously you can see the dangers there. I feel that if necessary I could provide social opportunities for her in after school programs, weekend programs etc where she tends to socialize more normally given that it is not a part of school (which in and of itself is an anxiety provoking environment and tends to trigger ill behavior).
I also know my dd needs terribly to feel part of something. she would not take well to being isolated from the yeshiva system, she would probably lump it all together and feel that since she was put in a non Jewish setting, yiddishkeit is not for her.
I pray every day that this coming year will be more successful than last, and that I am not faced with this decision.

If you feel PS is best for your child, you really have no choice but to try it and see how it goes. My heart hurts for you and your child.

Mitzvahmom

Thu, Aug 10 2006, 2:03 pm

Motek wrote:

amother wrote:

My child has been diagnosed with a social emotional disorder

Sorry to hear that Sad

. Can you explain what that entails?

Basically, she does not deal well in groups. She cannot sit in class for hours on end, needs to get up and stretch. Cannot always do the pages of work they give her in class, and get's frustrated when they try to force her to finish.

Mostly, she does well when there are no boys around (ie this summer was awesome!) She is now reading and very excited about it, but she had one on one and all summer no boys in her camp group.

Mitzvahmom

Thu, Aug 10 2006, 2:11 pm

granolamom wrote:

I mean that a diagnosis is as good as the diagnostician. many different behaviors fall under 'social emotional problems' and kids with a wide variety of disorders exhibit those types of symptoms. so a kid with autism would have social emotional problems, but so would a kid who is immature and having alot of pressure put on him at home.
to me, the diagnosis of 'social emotional disorder' is somewhat meaningless.

I am the original poster... just did not realize people were still posting Smile

I have officially given up posting as an Amother..for many reasons.

My daughter was diagnosed with PTSD (for reasons alot of you know), but also Social emotional disorder (she does not deal well in group situations or males in particular).

Mitzvahmom

Fri, Aug 11 2006, 9:32 am

B"H I am happy to report, that through a private tutor this summer she is very excited about reading Smile

Plus she has a goal now for school...evidently her fav counselor lives in chicago (where majority of my family lives) and G-d willing we will be visiting there sometime this year. So if she does well in school (I.e. listening to the teacher and trying to do the work), her counselor has agreed to take her to lunch in chicago as a treat Smile