Do you have a will?

freidasima

Fri, May 20 2011, 10:45 am

But seriously Isramom, what would you do? You now have a married daughter, would you put her in charge of her minor siblings? You own an apartment, what will happen to that? The minors inherit such sums of money? think about it. and unfortunately it happens all the time. Just listen to the news. Two parents driving - WHAM - then what happens to the kids?

Isramom8

Fri, May 20 2011, 10:47 am

freidasima wrote:

I know, Freidasima. I'm just avoiding all that. Sigh. Easier for me not to be the one to decide.
I guess what would happen chas veshalom is that family and concerned friends (if the situation proved that we had any) would discuss options.

Motic11

Fri, May 20 2011, 11:10 am

Here are some scenarios to think about...and dont say they dont happen....because they do.
Without a Will, you have no say who your kids will go to? Will your sister (who you detest the way she treats her kids) win them over your cousin who might be perfect????
If you die without a Will and you have house, jewelry other possessions, and your spouse marries again to a woman who has kids, and then your spouse dies without a Will, do you know all YOUR possessions that might have been from YOUR grandmother could very well go to the new spouse and to her children, thus leaving your kids with nothing.
I love my children.....they are all very well protected.

zaq

Sun, May 22 2011, 2:45 am

Marion wrote:

No wills. We keep discussing it, and we even agree who we'd want to take the kids. But somehow it feels like we should ASK those people first if they'd been willing and we just haven't managed those conversations.

Of course you have to ask your appointed guardians if they'd be willing! Being suddenly informed that you're your late bff's or cousin's children's guardian makes for a great basic premise in a novel, but it's a terrible thing to do to a friend. Just ask, now. It doesn' thave to be a "conversation"--just call themup and say "Joe,feel free to say no, but we're making out our wills and want to know if we can name you our kids' guardian in case of anything". They either say yes or no and that's it.

If you don't have a will, the courts get to decide who gets your assets and who brings up your kids, and chances are it won't be the people you'd have picked. They won't necessarily look for frum people or even jewish people. Appointing your children's guardians is the single most important reason to have a will, more important even than disposing of your estate.

Marion

Sun, May 22 2011, 2:57 am

In Israel the "flow" of assets is well defined in law; I'm not worried about who gets what financial asset. I'm a little worried about what happens if I go first and the kids are still little because DH's family is NOT going to like one of my provisions (no, I haven't discussed it with them).

ewa-jo

Sun, May 22 2011, 4:11 am

I've actually been thinking about this recently. We had friends over who asked what would happen to our children if both of us died (I know...such a random conversation) and we actually didn't have a plan in place - certainly not anything written down or legally binding if such a situation ever arose.

We are married 4 years, btw. And we have 2 children.

amother

Sun, May 22 2011, 7:48 am

Absolutley! As soon as DD was born we got a lawyer to draw one up for us. We did power of attorneys, assets, and custody of our child. How could parents be so irresponsible and not have one. G-d forbid something should happen to you, and nobody has any idea what you wanted for your kids. If you don't have a will-get on it!

sarah86

Sun, May 22 2011, 7:52 am

FYI-Guardianship of children from a will are only legal for 90 days. After that someone can take you to court and fight for your kids (in Ontario Canada). And I agree that you need to protect your kids incase of remarriage, or they are to young to deal with money. Put assets away in trust until a certain age etc.

amother

Sun, May 22 2011, 4:55 pm

I've seen beautiful families get very ugly when someone with passes away without a will. Children suffer, relationships are ruined. We're not millionnaires, but we have a few assets and we did put a lot of thought into our will. We not only assigned guardians, but assigned them a monthly "salary" (or I guess it's money for them to take care of our kids) It's not much, but enough to make them not feel too put upon...

Also, we said which child will receive which piece of Jewelery and silver. Again, there's not much, but why make problems, you know?

Isramom8

Sun, May 22 2011, 5:02 pm

zaq wrote:

Marion wrote:

Okay, I can hear this. I just kind of feel that from then on, those people will think of my kids as potentially theirs, and think about our dying. Any comforting or reassuring chizuk? Smile

freidasima

Sun, May 22 2011, 5:49 pm

Yes. I have friends who asked us many years ago to be their two children's guardians just in case. They are conservative and know that we are quite orthodox, but their comment was that they know we will raise their children to be openminded just as they are, unlike either his or her families are today. And we agreed. Never in my life did I consider them "my" children, in fact they live in a different city and I haven't seen their son since he was three (he is now 23) or their daughter until she was sixteen and haven't seen her since...

It's similar to the fact that many years ago to get a mortgage you needed guarantors and we signed for these friends just as they signed for us, and I never considered their home ours in potential nor did they consider ours to be either.

I know someone who asked his sister to be his kids potential guardian and she turned him down! Not a great relationship there I guess...

eschaya

Sun, May 22 2011, 9:23 pm

I don't have a will, though I've been telling dh for the past year that we really need to take care of this. Just out of pure laziness... it's really, really important. (Maybe this will be the impetus to actually do so, finally) Also, I feel that it's very important to have a living will/power of attorney where you write down how you want to be taken care of if you are alive but not able to make decisions for yourself. Ie: do you want to be intubated/tracheostomy/feeding tube, do you want to be allowed to die naturally, combination of the two... and it's also where you pick someone else to be the decision maker for your health/life needs if you aren't in able to do so. I work in an ICU and I see every day how important it is to think about these things ahead of time... hopefully none of us should ever be in a position to need it, but when chas veshalom these things come up it can be so tricky and painful for the family.

genessa

Mon, May 23 2011, 3:03 pm

I fostered a young girl whose father was mentally ill and mother was sick. Our little foster child had (yes!) 9 aunts, and because her mother hadn't appointed a guardian in a legal will, when her mother died our foster childbecame a ward of the state. We had her with us for more than a year, while the family tried to figure it out. We loved having her, but it was really a shame.
And I just had a woman at my Shabbos table who dedicated the last 5 years of her life to taking care of her husband, who had Alzheimers. It was a second marriage, and because he left no will she is now having a lot of trouble inheriting the apartment that he owned before his second marriage; a nephew of his, who never bothered with him while he was sick, is claiming it should go to him.
And my close friend, whose husband was very sick, after he died had to bring her kids to beis din to declare that they were "giving her" the inheritance, because he'd left no will. (This is in Israeli law; I don't know how it works in the US.)
Don't be stupid, and don't be irresponsible: if you have assets, and if you have children, make that will! And then don't use it until 120.