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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
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Thu, Aug 24 2006, 12:41 pm
I hate what I've become. Sometimes I have a lot of patience for things, and other times I just don't. My husband (and his father) has always been a yeller, and I was so determined never to do it, and to help him yell at the children less. To some degree I've succeeded. He yells less, but in the process I've started yelling more. My rule was (and I still try to live by it) never to yell unless someone was really going to get hurt.
So, this morning one of my children grabbed another one of my children by the collar and pulled really tightly. I completely freaked out. I yelled so hard that my throat STILL hurts, and it's been 3 hours. NOt only did I yell at the aggressor child, but I picked him up and put him on the sofa in probably not the most gentle way. This makes me so sad. This is not the parent I want to be. My eyes are welling up as I type this post.
All I can think of is what my SIL said about two months ago describing her childhood. "I don't remember too much about growing up, all I remember is that there was a lot of yelling."
But it's not just these types of situations. The worst thing is, I don't know what the trigger is. Obviously sometimes I'm in a better mood than others, but even then sometimes I yell.
Anyone have any hints for getting out of this rut? (It's been going on about 9-10 months)
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amother
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Thu, Aug 24 2006, 12:43 pm
ever time u feel u are about to yell count to ten and breathe. it really helps!
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Mitzvahmom
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Thu, Aug 24 2006, 1:00 pm
ok... I have decided to never use amother... so I am being openand honest..
I have a similar problem...
I left an abusive situation, full of screaming and hitting..
It took a good year to get my daughter to stop her from attacking me..
She is still sometimes disrespectful, and brings up how I use to let my ex hit me and scream atme..
We have worked really hard, but there are sometimes when they just scream and Itry to be calm.. But because of the situation we lived in, sometimes they need me to scream inorder to get them to stop and listen..
Then we hug and do breathing and calmdown.. My therapist and theirs told me that it's just the way it is and G-d willing they willg et used to teh calmway and eventually listen to that. It takes time,to get out of the cycle.. B"H they are not hitting me or attacking me, and our life ismuch better... But it takes time
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mommy24
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Thu, Aug 24 2006, 1:28 pm
I happened to be looking at the parenting books in the library the other day and found a book that seems to be intersting. I haven't read it yet so I can't tell you if it good or not. It is called ScreamFree Parenting : Raising Your Kids By Keeping Your Cool. According to the back cover, its focus is on the parent looking with in him/herself.
Again I haven't looked through it at all, but maybe someone else has read it and can say whether it is good.
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chanasouth
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Thu, Aug 24 2006, 1:57 pm
Hi I'd like to add a couple of thoughts I have on this matter. please forgive me for being opened, I'll be general. the problem of screaming and loosing you cool can come from having to many children with little help if one has alot of child close together its extremely hard when we asked my rabbi about birth control he said everyone ends up taking it some start when its to late, he said why wait till the nurvious brake down to start taking it? if someone has akot of children and its hard to cope shes obligated to get full time help no laundry no dishes no cleaning you have a resposibility to your children its when you have to be the mother and the cleaning lady when the screaming starts, if you cant afford it have bitochon trust me the money will be there to pay for it.
another aspect of what can cause the screaming if the above doesnt apply is resentment to the husband if he's not being there for her encouragment, phisical help, then it can be to much to bear even if you dont have a super large family and marrage couseling should be sought.
And if this doest apply it can be a chemical imbalance and medication can be used to currect it its nothing to be embarrased about if you have a yeast infection you get medication this is no different.
Of course this is not all just some helping pointers.Dont put it off
Remember you have a resposibility to your children to give them the best childhood you can, and you can! seek help and daven The best of luck
P.S try to get away once a week for a few hour's with a friend
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