2 Babies, 1 year apart - HELP?

GetReal

Wed, Aug 24 2011, 2:59 pm

My first two are 13 months apart. They are now almost three and four and best friends. It is amazing to watch them play together! When they are so close together, you have the benefits of similar schedules, liking the same types of activities, etc. I advise her to get a baby carrier - it saved my life when I had an infant and a toddler who was barely walking yet. I wore the baby all the time and he was happy and peaceful, allowing me to pay attention to my oldest and even carry him if needed. There were tough times but great ones too.

ElTam

Wed, Aug 24 2011, 3:39 pm

My SIL had two kids very close together.

She kept the kids on a very tight schedule. Eating, sleeping, etc. (Of course, with a newborn, the schedule has to come a little later.

She cooked in bulk and froze so she wasn't cooking every night and Shabbos cooking wasn't so intense because she could pull stuff out of the freezer. (I did this with my third child. I had about a month worth of shabbos meat and side dishes in the freezer before the baby was born. It really helped.) Also, if she gets meals after the baby, she should freeze any leftovers. That can really come in handy.

What about talking to DH in advance about getting some extra help from him.

Also, contact the local frum high schools. Many have chesed programs where a girl comes for an hour or two a week. That can really make a huge difference.

Kumphort

Wed, Aug 24 2011, 4:18 pm

I don't have two that close together, but I do have two year old twins.

One thing that I can say was that the worry was 10X worse than how things actually happened. I was in a total panic about every little detail and what I was going to do about this and about that, but when things came to fruition, things just made sense and worked themselves out.

Of course, she should see about getting help in the beginning, see how she can improve her time management/housekeeping skills, but all in all, I think things will come together, she isn't the first person to deal with this, and I really think that changing the attitude from a panic, to a positive one really makes a difference.

I always say, I wish I was one of those people like in the olden days, that found out that they were having twins the day they delivered instead of having an extra 20 + weeks, to worry about how I was going to handle stuff and what I was going to do.

Wish her luck!

mamacita

Wed, Aug 24 2011, 6:42 pm

Hatzlacha! I have a friend who has it both ways, some kids very close together then a big gap. She said the close together set was harder at first and easier later and vice versa for the bigger gap. Basically for the reasons GetReal mentioned.

Personally, mine are 12.5mos apart and by the time they were 1 and 2yos it was much, much easier. They have been on schedule together and are best friends. Our current trauma is that they are separated at school and hate it, it's a nice problem to have!

amother

Wed, Aug 24 2011, 10:27 pm

My mother had a few of us 11 months apart (!!!!) She always says that it was easier when they were closer in age as opposed to taking care of a tantruming 2 year old & a newborn. My brother and I are 11 months apart & we are heart & soul until today! He is my Indian Twin & we still spend a lot of time chatting although our lives are so busy. The kids are definitely not affected if anything theyre blessed. Tell her to take one day at a time.

IloveHashem613

Thu, Aug 25 2011, 12:20 am

loveNlearn wrote:

My very close friend is expecting, bishaa tova. She has a baby boy who will be a year old when she's due. The thought of having two young babies is overwhelming to her and she's not sure how she'll cope. Their income is very limited and her parents don't live in the country. Please share you life wisdom and ideas of how she can look forward to having this baby with confidence and serenity. Thank you!

I don't have any personal experience with this so I can't give any personal advice. But one thing I will share is that you should advise her to go on birth control (with a Rav's permission of course). I totally did not say that to be snooty or start a major debate here but I think it makes sense given her situation. Otherwise, I will say that I have heard from friends who have babies very close together that at first it was really hard when they were very little, but as they got older, its soo much easier cuz they become good friends and entertain eachother and are interested in the same level things.

obagys

Thu, Aug 25 2011, 12:55 am

My first two were born June 2001 and July 2002...and I had another in August 2003. And I was in college part-time. Right now I have a 15 month old and a 3 month old, those first 3 are now 10, 9 and 8 (and I have a 5 year old as well). K"H!! It's hard work, stressful and completely exhausting. Try to get them to nap at the same time and do whatever possible to make things easier even if others don't "approve". Get as much help as she can afford. Many schools have high school girls who will come over after school and watch your kids as a chessed, make sure she looks into that option. Rest whenever she has a few minutes. Let the husband watch the kids in the evenings and/or Sundays at times, and she should spend some time by herself - a bubble bath, shopping, reading a book, time with a friend, etc. "Me" time is sooo important when your world revolves around your children for so much of the time.

Let her know that when she's really tired, it's ok to buy ready-made food instead of making a fresh kugel every Shabbos. It's ok to let the baby cry if he/she is simply being kvetchy and her older one wants her attention - the baby will not understand she is being ignored for a bit but the older one will, and can end up resentful of the baby. Let her know it's ok if her house isn't always spotless or guest-ready - toys strewn all over the floor mean you have young children, not that you're a slob. Let her know it's ok to sometimes break down & cry when her toddler in having a tantrum because he/she wanted A LOT of Cheerios and she gave only a little, and the baby spit up all over her new shirt for the 2nd time that day.

Also let her know that a sloppy kiss or a huge smile will make her melt even when not 2 seconds earlier she was feeling completely overwhelmed. Let her know that no matter how hard some days may be, when she looks at a family portrait and stares into those 2 precious little faces, she will feel an indescribable sense of pride & nachas. That each time either of them reaches a milestone she will feel like her hard work really is paying off despite a really difficult day.

Two babies close in age is a juggling act. Sometimes she will be able to keep it all together and sometimes the balls come crashing down. The good news is, that when that happens, you just pick up where you left off and start juggling again. And the babies will love her unconditionally despite it all.