twins fighting | Imamother

mommy4

Sun, Oct 02 2011, 9:49 pm

My twins girls are one year 5 months old. They play together, laugh together etc. but also hurt each other a lot. They scratch, bite, pull and really leave marks. I was wondering if it's normal and how to deal with it? How much to mix in and how much to let them figure it out themselves?

chrysanthemum

Tue, Oct 04 2011, 8:59 pm

Yikes, this is not fun. Do they understand what it means where they are hurting another person? Do they fight with an a bad intent or rather because they dont know better. Hopefully they will stop when they realize that fighting is not fun. I dont know what I would do, my twins are five months old and they play very nicely now. Try kissing them and play with them clamly when they start fighting. This will model good behavior for them. I would also say something like, no- it is not safe play. I remember with my son when he was that age, he was a vilda chayah. You must be consistent, follow through if you want them to do something. Make sure they give you eye contact. Keep me posted I want to know how its going!

mummy-bh

Wed, Oct 05 2011, 1:54 am

when my twins fight (very rarely, but on the odd occasion that they do, they can be really vicious) I have adopted the same policy of non-interference as when any of the other kids fight.
Up to a point, that is. I intervene if one is really hurting, or about to hurt, the other one, if they are doing something dangerous, or if they are being particularly nasty. Most of all I try to let them work it out themselves - they usually resolve things pretty well without me.

mommy4

Thu, Oct 06 2011, 3:32 pm

Thanks for responding. I actually wonder about the motive of the aggression. I don't think there is bad intention because they are so young and don't really understand. I tell them "make nice" and they caress each other and there are lots of times that they enjoy each other, playing and laughing.
I just always imagined twins being best friends and since my twins were around 6 months they already showed aggression, pinching and scratching each other. I was really surprised and wanted to know if it was normal. In the beginning I would rescue the victim and then thought that they need to get used to each other and not create a "victim. They started to learn to defend themselves, turn head before the scratch came etc. Also by now both learned to defend and be aggressive. Could it be jealousy?
THanks for the suggestion of interfering to teach better skills. I will try that.

chrysanthemum

Thu, Oct 06 2011, 7:55 pm

I would also make sure to really spend time with each of your babies separately, even if its for 5 to 10 minutes, while your spending time with them, really be in the moment. Don’t feel guilty about enjoying one baby without the other. I think this helps the children develop their sense of self independent of their twin.

I found a link that I gave three sujestion to deal with aggressive behavior. The main ideas were to:
*Comfort your child:Comfort is the first thing that children need from parents. When you comfort your child, she learns to feel secure, loved and valued.
*Play with your child-Play is the “work of children,” and you are an essential “partner.” When you play with your child, he learns to explore and discover the world and his role in it.
*Teach your child-Teach is what parents do to help their children learn. When you teach your child, she learns how to relate to others, solve problems and communicate.

I got this from http://www.ccl-cca.ca/pdfs/ECL.....N.pdf ‘Investing in Kids’

Good luck it’s not easy.

mommy4

Thu, Oct 06 2011, 10:22 pm

Thanks for the link, interesting.
I guess I just have to keep teaching them that it's not ok until they'll learn. I think they are learning already but it does take time.
I'm still wondering how common or uncommon it is with twins. Anyone has had my experience?

Yippie

Thu, Oct 06 2011, 11:56 pm

My twins r 2 yrs now ka"h, & fight plenty... I always go to rescue and say make nice etc.. But after 2 minutes they just forget and fight again. They can play nicely too though