Child dreams scary stuff at night!

libhen

Tue, Sep 26 2006, 6:49 am

I’m not sure if this is in the right section or if there is such a topic in other forms but let me give a try

My daughter 6 years she is my only one, she always comes in to my bed she tells me that she is afraid of sleeping alone in her bedroom, we tried to close our door at night but she wakes up she starts crying and knocking on my door she claims that she can not sleep because she is not secured enough (I know that she is a very light sleeper)

The last few nights she came in and told me that she dreamed of an animal and she explains to me that she knows that they animal is not their but she can only sleep if she will be with me in one bed or at least on the floor in my bedroom

And besides the point that we can never be together at night…….. because she is always coming in to our bedroom

I will appreciate if anyone can give me any advice how to deal with her

A Happy and Healthy New Year for Everyone

miriam

Tue, Sep 26 2006, 7:06 am

Welcome to Imamother!

It sounds like your daughter needs something in her room to feel secure. Maybe a night light, special doll or blanket, maybe even keeping a picture of yourself in her room. Is anything bothering her from school. The topic of children not being allowed in parent's bedrooms have been discussed in other places here.

Here are two places where we discussed this topic.
Do you let your children in your bedroom?

How open are you with letting others into your bedroom

I wish you hatzlacha.

mom23

Tue, Sep 26 2006, 7:51 am

I also have a 6 year old daughter who has nightmares. The first thing to realize is that the emotions evoked by a nightmare are very real even though she understands the dream is not.

I can totally empathize with the coming into the room part. But she is turning to you for comfort and you need to give her that right now. You can find ways to empower her to comfort herself.

1. First of all certain things can trigger a nightmare: a TV show, a book, even some stories from the parsha are scary to a young mind and it all plays itself out at night. See if you can pinpoint what is scary to her and either reexplain or remove the situation if possible.

2. Try to talk your daughter through the nightmare and see where the conflict lies. Then give her the power to resolve it. If it is a scary animal, maybe you can tell her to imagine what a "magic wand" would look like that would make the animal dissapear. Then she will be able to get that wand and conquer the animal.

3. Try to give her a security thing to keep in bed with her like a doll or blanket. And tell her - here's a purple blanket - the animal can't stand looking at the color purple, so it probably won't come into your dream tonight.

These things don't last forever. Praise her when she makes even the littlest bit of success, like not coming into your room until 2:00 am as opposed to 11:00 pm. Keep encouraging her to do it, and she will get there.

And lastly, when you feel the time is right, take her back to her room as opposed to letting her stay in yours. This is also a process and you may have to do it a few times a night, but this too will pass.

Good luck!

libhen

Tue, Sep 26 2006, 11:19 am

Thanks for all the replies

She dose have a night light in her room plus she has her bedroom light deem

She is not watching TV or read any books at night

She is trying to reinsure me every night that she will not come in to my bed, but by the end she finishes in my bed,
my problem is that I’m sleeping very deep and I don’t even feel when she is coming in to my bed and my hobby can’t always take her back to her bad because I’m not always clean…

I can see in the morning that she is tired and not refreshed for the day ahead I thing even when she sleeps with me she is not having a good night sleep

And to mali I will ask the same question heppy2beme asked you before from where did you hear or read about putting an extra Mezuzah next to the bed?

Motek

Tue, Sep 26 2006, 12:57 pm

I find suggestions like magic wands and making up things like the animal can't stand purple disturbing. How about what the Baal Shem Tov's father told him before he passed away, when the Baal Shem Tov was 5 years old: not to fear anything but Hashem.

Granted, we and most children are not on the level of the Baal Shem Tov but how about instilling some confidence that Hashem is watching? She's 6 so what about Kerias Shema al Ha'Mitta? Does she say it? Does she know what it means? You can explain what "hinei lo yanum v'lo yishan Shomer Yisrael means.

Before taking an extra mezuza for near the bed, how about checking the mezuza on the doorpost to make sure it's kosher?

mom23

Tue, Sep 26 2006, 2:04 pm

Motek,

Sorry that you find my ideas disturbing. Of course the ideal is to have no other fear than Hashem. But I personally know of no such person. Not that he/she doesn't exist, I just don't know of them, and I definitely don't know of any 6 year old with no fears. Don't we all have fears whether it be spiders, deep water or fire? Telling a little child that Hashem is watching and protecting is something (hopefully) that they hear all the time. My 6 year old sings uncle moishy's hashem is here and she says shema at night yet she is still frightened of things with her nightmares.

I gave the poster some of the advice that I was given by proffesionals in order to empower my child to self soothe. I don't believe in magic wands or their powers, but I also don't believe a big scary animal will hurt me in my dreams. But this child does believe that this animal will hurt her while she is dreaming and no amount of logic will underestimate that. You need to give her power to move past that.

If you don't agree with the approach that I was given don't use it. If the ideal of saying to a child - don't be scared during your scary dream because hashem will protect you - works WONDERFUL. But when the ideals don't work, there has to be plan B.

Flowerchild

Tue, Sep 26 2006, 2:17 pm

I think you should talk to your daughter ask her exectley what bothers her and scares her, and discuss her fears with her, its a good thing even for a six year old its a good idea to discuss the fear so this way she will see that there is either nothing to be afraid of or that it can be fixed. I do it even with my two year old, we talk about why he is afraid and he tells me and it goes away. by telling her she cant sleep in the room with you etc etc, wont work she likes your security and safety of your room but she needs to learn and feel happy and safe in her room, so you need to find a way to make her room a safety place, maybe let her decorate it, maybe let her put something in the room that she likes that will make her feel secure in her room. always talk to her about her fears, maybe make a pact that if she is scared any night then she cant leave her room but she can call you or her dad so either of you can reasure her give her a kiss etc. leave her door open. good luck

libhen

Wed, Sep 27 2006, 1:31 pm

Hi good Afternoon everyone

As per what I have been suggested by one or more of your posts yesterday I did try it out and here is my results I hope that some one out there should be able to give me some more ideas on how to work with her

So yesterday I did put here to sleep around 8 and like every night she wake up around 12 and I told her that she should not come out from her bed, and when she feels that she needs my support she can call me and I will come to her bed

So she called me like every 10 minutes or so and by each time she was having a different excuse that something else is bothering her by the end it was around 2 and I decided that enough is enough and I let her come in to my bed I was unable to hold my eyes open anymore

What ever I tried to reinsure her that I’m around and I will watch her nothing helped her to take away the fairs that she has

She was complaining that she is afraid to be alone in here room,
is an it because she is my only one and she was always with me together and now its hard for her to make up in her mind to sleep alone in her room?

And a other thing that she was complaining is that she sleeps in her room and there is a door to the backyard and she is afraid that someone will come in side, I told her that there is a double door and nobody can come inside and plus I have gates on all my windows but nothing seems to be helping her!

Any additional advice?

Libhen

Flowerchild

Wed, Sep 27 2006, 2:03 pm

how many bedrooms do you have? if you have an extra bedroom, switch her rooms, if possible. sometimes something in the room just doesnt sit with the person. it could be the angle, the back door like you said etc. when I was younger I had a room that also had a door to the back yard and the room was small, not tiny but small and I had a hard time sleeping there, I always had nightmares and I couldnt fall asleep, but when I would sleep in the livingroom I was fine.

maybe try it the hard way, if she calls you in the night come to her ones ask her whats wrong, talk to her maybe tell her that you will stay with her untill she falls back asleep, maybe leave some soothing music on, maybe sound of an ocean or something.

libhen

Wed, Sep 27 2006, 2:22 pm

Quote:

How many bedrooms do you have?

Quote:

If you have an extra bedroom,

I only have a couch in my dining room and yesterday she was trying to sleep there but by the end she didn’t feel comfortable over there either Crying

Quote:

Sometimes something in the room just doesn’t sit with the person.

She told me that there is a place in the closed where she sees animals coming out I looked there and I find that there is missing the aluminum piece between the closet and the bedroom so I told her that daddy will fix it today lets see what will happen tonight

Quote:

maybe try it the hard way, if she calls you in the night come to her ones ask her what’s wrong, talk to her maybe tell her that you will stay with her until she falls back asleep, maybe leave some soothing music on, maybe sound of an ocean or something.

I do have a sound machine in place but it’s not helping

Flowerchild

Wed, Sep 27 2006, 3:06 pm

make baby steps with this, I think a lot of children go through this something like there is a monster under my bed thing. so let your husband fix that part in the closet, and make a small ritual, every night before bed you check the closet and pretend like your getting rid of the animal and let her do the same, sort of secure the area so its all clear of anything bad, and keep the closet door closed, and keep telling her that she can call you at night but she cannot sleep with you, you can come and stay with her for a few min, check the closet again and thats it. also maybe you can try this, is there something that she really wants, like a toy or a book or a trip something that you can buy her as a reward, something that she badly wants, tell her if she will sleep for the night like a big girl the entire week you will get it for her.

withhumor

Wed, Sep 27 2006, 4:25 pm

‘magic spray’ ! I bought a bottle of fancy air refresher for $2 by Wal-Mart. I told my kids it’s a magic spray which sprays away the bad dreams. If they complain, I make them lie down in bed, and I spray into the air three times while they chant ‘all the bad things should get out of here…’ They love it because it’s like a ‘cleansing thing’ and it really works!