Knowing when and where to step in

Tefila

Wed, Feb 23 2005, 4:28 pm

At what point do you take your childs side and not the teachers. I mean at what point, age do you tell the child you agree with them and not their teacher. Or do we always make believe the teacher is right and then the child might not even bother talking to us about it since what will be the use.Also they (our children may) come to haunt us later about it, why we didn't take their side Confused

613

Wed, Feb 23 2005, 5:07 pm

I don't think that you should give the child your full agreement until you've heard the teacher's side of the story. maybe then, you can (and should) agree w/ the child, and if it's a big issue, you may have to get someone else (ie the principal) involved.
p.s. this is coming from s/o who has no kids in school yet

ForeverYoung
Guest

Fri, Feb 25 2005, 8:24 am

ok, here I come

If the teacher is misstreating your child (even for a good reason)
I would split as follows:

if there is emotional anguish, keep the child home untill it's resolves
talk to the teacher, principal, whoever it takes.

if I think the child can handle it w/out major problems I would still send him to school.

Now, a problem really begins if the teacher is guilty and is not willing to accept/ admit it.

Also, keep in mind that your child will have to stay with that teacher at lest till the end of the year if not untill graduation!

-----------------
Once I was accused of stealing $ that was being collected for something. I shared the desk witht teh boy who was in charge of collecting, and the $ dissapeared during a class, so nobody besides me could have taken it. The teacher told me that I MUST come up with the $ b4 the end of the day. I even offered to search me & my posessions, but the teacher wouldn't do that.
After the next class the $ was found - they boy had misplaced it himself.

I did not want to go to school next day, so my mother came with me & gave us all (including a teacher) a speach (that our teacher should have said after the $ was found) about accusing a person & about how things may not what they seem to be even if we have all the facts.

I never got the apology, neither did my mother say that the teacher was totally wrong in handling the issue.

This happened almost 20 yrs ago, and I still remember it -
how my mother gave a mussar shmooze to the teacher w/out giving it directly to her.

IF YOUR KID IS RIGHT - STICK UP FOR THEM - THEY WILL REMEMBER IT!!

Last edited by ForeverYoung on Fri, Feb 25 2005, 12:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

Tefila

Fri, Feb 25 2005, 11:49 am

Quote:

IF YOUR KID IS RIGHT - STICK UP FOR THEM - THEY WILL REMEMBER IT!!

Thank-You fy.
Also is it normal for a teacher to throw on a reg basis heard from more then one kid chalk at 11yr old children and up. For gaining their attention like waking them up, to the point it marks the walls. And is done to most the kids, what is he trying to teach them and chalk hurts when thrown w/h power shock

ForeverYoung
Guest

Fri, Feb 25 2005, 12:05 pm

Quote:

is it normal for a teacher to throw on a reg basis heard from more then one kid chalk at 11yr old children and up

what does it tell u about a teacher if this is hoe s/he gets attention?

besides inexperience -

a side point - I would not respect a teacher who behaved like me or worst than I.
sorry. Even if it didn't hurt.

(I head a professor in colledge who used to carry away about her job, who wistled to get our attention. After 1st 3 times we plain ignored her. She is a very artistic person, not ment to be a teacher)

I think a trip to the principal is overdue, as well as some help in teaching (ie making material interesting) and disciplinning.

Now, I assume a class w/ normal kids.

If the kids are 'wilde chayos' (as some classes in yeshivos behave during English), then there is a general problem which needs to be addressed in it's entirety - parents, staff & kids.

Hope I was helpful & daven to be able to have all the answers to my kids' school issues, when they come!

good Shabbos

sarahd

Sat, Feb 26 2005, 3:24 pm

Parents should be very careful about unreservedly accepting a child's account of what happened in school, because as much as the child may believe he is telling it the way it is, he is of course biased. No one should ever judge a situation without hearing from all the parties involved, and this goes for something that happens in school. The teacher should be approached and if the results are unsatisfactory, then the principal should be involved.

Even if you do decide after thorough investigation that your child is in the right, you have to be very careful about how you handle this. Telling the child, "You're right and the teacher is wrong" or "I'll take care of that teacher" or "I'm going to fix him/her" etc. can be very damaging to the child's respect for authority and his character development. The child has to be told, "It seems that there is a problem and your teacher and we are going to work it out" or something to that effect. In this way you are validating the child's (valid) feelings without putting down the teacher.

As a former teacher as well as from plain observation, I have noticed the tremendous damage that parents do by criticizing mechanchim, rabbonim and other authorities in front of their children.

ForeverYoung
Guest

Mon, Feb 28 2005, 11:02 am

well, the baby kicking they keyboard & grabbing my nose is not being helpful, so I try to choose the most important thinkgs to write.

U see, what u wrote, is a natural, self-understood "of course!!" thing to me.
But after u wrote it I realised that a new inexperienced mother might be reading this too, & I should have really taken the time to type it up.

But u did it already!! Smile

My mother never critisized the reachers to me.
When I grew up, I realised what she did
(and feel very proud, cared for and loved)