jobs around house= money as reward

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

Jobs around house= money as reward

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amother

Sat, Feb 25 2012, 10:35 pm

my kids are ages 7 and 4. recently, I found myself overwhelmed by needing to help my kids with baths, getting dressed picking up their toys, and other things that they are CAPABLE of doing but I just have to nag them to do.
so I started a chart where I listed the things I would like them to do independently daily. getting dressed, brushing teeth, putting their clothing in the laundry hamper, clear their plates from the table, put away their toys, etc. I put a price for each task, 5 cents for something very easy, 25 cents for something difficult like showering independently (I help my 4 year old with rinsing her hair, but she can wash herself otherwise). every time they do a task on the list, I sign by the chart. we add up what they earned every evening and I give them the money. my kids are totally eating this up, my mornings are carefree, evenings are running more smoothly.

has anyone ever done this, use money as an incentive to reward kids behavior? I'm just wondering if I should be prepared for any backfiring...

Frenchfry

Sat, Feb 25 2012, 10:56 pm

I did something similar with a chart. Every task done without a reminder was a check. Each kid decided what they would work towards and I told them how many checks they'd need to earn it.

I don't think I'd do money. Not sure why.

yksraya

Sat, Feb 25 2012, 11:00 pm

I did it with choclate coins. it works like a chart and once the coins are used up you can decide whether it's worth buying more and going on with the system or stopping like when a chart is finished.
real money can have a bad effect teaching kids to get paid for helping.

Pickle Lady

Sat, Feb 25 2012, 11:19 pm

I pay my sons to do things that are extra around the house. Like cleaning the living/dinning room or bathroom. Also folding laundry. Its their pocket money to do with what they want like save it up for something or to buy nosh. My sons are 7 and almost 9

chocolate chips

Sat, Feb 25 2012, 11:59 pm

I know people who do this with prizes/stickers.

My parents used to bribe us to do specific things with money eg: wash/clean the car, organize cupboards etc. But not every day.

It sounds like great incentive though I hope your kids respond!

ra_mom

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 1:03 am

If this a short term solution, and you already have plans to wean them off this chart and reward money once you see they can do what they are supposed to, then go for it.

If you haven't thought about it, and then it's time to.

What happens when you don't pay them to do these things? Will they always expect to get something from you before they do anything? How will they learn to become independent adults if they always think they have to 'get' something and be rewarded for nomal behavior?

Fox

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 1:08 am

I really like this, and I wish I'd thought to do it when my kids were little.

Here's my favorite part about this system: it presents all these responsibilities as part of the communal "work" of families. Sure, some of them are more personal than others, such as brushing teeth, etc. But things like cleaning up toys take away the focus from "Why should I have to clean up somebody else's mess?" to "Hey, there's work to be done, and we have to figure out an effective, economical way to do it."

When my kids were small, there was a lot of noise in the chinuch business about not rewarding kids financially. I've forgotten what the reasons were, but like an idiot, I listened to the advice. I used charts and stickers and gifts and Slurpees, etc., and it worked okay. However, it also fostered the concept that each individual is responsible for his own issues, and that there is no communal responsibility -- except for Mom. Even my DH tends to be this way.

So now I hear comments like, "But I didn't eat dinner tonight," if someone is asked to load the dishwasher, etc. There is no sense that families are, by definition, messy, and that not every "mess" reflects the individual culpability of a family member. And like I said, DH is every bit as bad as the teenagers!

However, one of my fondest memories growing up was being given the "job" of doing laundry and ironing for the family each summer when I was a pre-teen. I was paid a certain amount for each washer load and a certain amount for drying (no automatic dryers in those days; laundry was hung out on lines). I was then paid by the piece for ironing. Let me tell you, our family sparkled each summer. The pride I felt in earning money and seeing what a good job I was capable of doing was better than anything else I could have spent my time on! And my mom, who worked full-time, considered it the best deal she'd made!

amother

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 6:42 am

Op here

They do sometimes say when I ask them to bring me something or do a task not on the chart, "how much money do I get?"

I told them not everything is for money, some is for schar in shamayim, and if they always ask for money then I will stop the contest. They understood and still do some things just because, they really love this contest.

In a few weeks I plan to change the job list, so that getting dressed, showering, brushing teeth, etc. Will go off the chart, and I'll insert more jobs around the house.

Also shabbos they cannot earn money, I told them its muktzah, they were fine with that.

I did hear once a child expert said using money as reward really works, I think it was the 1-2-3 magic guy.

freidasima

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 7:09 am

Sounds good to me. Also they are too young to be getting allowances aren't they? Maybe if this works for a while then you can work on a double allowance system for them. They get a regular allowance just for breathing but if they keep doing all the things they should be doing they get a bonus system once a month and get a fifth week of allowance that month. Calculate the money in advance so that it won't work out to be too much or too little.

chani8

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 8:44 am

freidasima wrote:

Sounds good to me. Also they are too young to be getting allowances aren't they? Maybe if this works for a while then you can work on a double allowance system for them.They get a regular allowance just for breathing but if they keep doing all the things they should be doing they get a bonus system once a month and get a fifth week of allowance that month. Calculate the money in advance so that it won't work out to be too much or too little.

Ruchel

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 10:10 am

I keep hearing that chores shouldn't be paid for as they are part of living together.

monkey

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 10:35 am

I'm confused why would you pay your children to do chores...aren't you teaching them that they only have to do it for money..and not because it's just a regular responsibility...its sounds like anything you will want them to do in the future will be based on whether "you are paying them" to do their chore-they'll just get used to it..I think charts is a different story its more of an incentive that after x amount of times of doing their responsibilites they can get rewarded but why PAY them????

Fox

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 1:29 pm

monkey wrote:

I think this was the logic commonly cited when my kids were little, and on the face of it, it seems logical.

In my experience, though, it's not really consistent with how many families live.

For example, many families hire cleaning help for at least a few hours a week, and most of us feel that's reasonable, especially if the mom works outside the home; has lots of small children, etc. Are those "chores" that theoretically someone within the family should be doing? Perhaps. But families often decide to hire someone to help with their chores so that they can pursue higher-value activities. Of course, if those activities really aren't higher in value, they will eventually have to return to doing those chores themselves!

My DH, for instance, firmly believes that if everyone just cleans up after themselves, the house will be pristine. Now, he's not 100 percent wrong, but he's not correct, either. He had a SAHM mother who managed and/or performed all of the communal chores until her sons left home at around age 18. My DH, bless his heart, believes that if you carefully place your dirty clothes in the hamper (rather than leaving them on the bathroom floor), the laundry fairy will wash, dry, and fold them -- and leave them on your bed. Your "chore," then, is to put them into your drawers.

So I do agree, in theory, that kids (and husbands!) shouldn't be paid ultimately for brushing their teeth or putting their clean clothes in their drawers. But there's a vast, huge gray area of chores that go beyond the strictly personal that often fall on Mom's shoulders.

Another important element is the concept of building habits. It's unlikely the OP will still be paying her kids to make sure they brush their teeth when they're 30. The idea is to give a short-term incentive that results in a habit. Once the habit is secure, the goalposts can be moved.

I experienced this with my son, who hated, hated, hated to attend minyan on Shabbos, Yomim Tovim, and during vacation. However, he desperately wanted an overpriced electric scooter that we could ill-afford (and wouldn't have been inclined to purchase regardless). My DDs and I came up with a plan: from Purim through Shavuos, he had a chart that listed every single minyan he was expected to attend. We based performance on 10 percent increments. If he attended 90 percent of the minyanim, he got the scooter. 80 percent, a lesser prize, etc.

He ended up attending 97 percent of the minyanim, and he got the scooter. But by that time, going to minyan was such a habit that he didn't need further incentives. He had his scooter, and when we suggested further incentives be associated with going to bed on time and homework, he was quite amenable.

Frankly, I've always wondered why families who are on the borderline between "needing" and "not really needing" outside cleaning help didn't simply pay kids to do certain jobs. When provided with the proper supplies and taught how to do a job correctly, most kids bring surprising amounts of energy to the task. And if it's really just a matter of thoroughly cleaning the bathrooms or mopping the floors, why pay a stranger for work that your kids would do for the same or less?

monkey

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 4:01 pm

Fox,

I hear what you are saying...also about getting your son to go to mincha was something that you wanted him to do which was hard for him but you built an incentive system that EVENTUALLY he got the scooter..so in the end he earned him and the positive outcome was that he was going to minyan...thats more like a contest you werent paying him to do something..it was a reward system which works great in most instances.

I think I answered the way I did because I am thinking of a couple of people who went through the method of "paying" their kids to do chores and it just backfired on them because in the end the kids wouldn't do anything for the parents unless they were getting something out of it I.e. money

I understand what you are saying about cleaning help however I didn't think the OP was referring to something like washing the toilets or vacuming the whole house (cleaning help type jobs) I was thinking of more like setting the table for shabbos..supper...sweeping the kitchen floor after a meal..or even helping with the little kids..to me I feel that its unnecessary to pay a child to do chores like that- on the other hand if a family cannot afford cleaning help and they want their kids to do things around the house (like what a cleaning lady would do-the bathrooms etc.) then maybe that's a different story but I was answering based on chores like helping to clean a kitchen, sweep a floor, set the table etc. more mundane type tasks...which I believe should just be part of responsibilities....

Curious-whats your take on this?

should parents pay their child to babysit in their own house?

spring13

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 6:02 pm

I'd pay a kid to do an unusual job, like cleaning the garage, but no way would I pay them to brush their teeth. Not with money. Because as other people have pointed out, money becomes the only incentive to do those tasks. Honestly, I'd have ended up acting that way if my parents had paid me for basic household duties.

I could see having a sticker chart, which would serve as a visual reminder for what they need to do and whether or not they've done it, but I think a concrete reward should come after a certain time period and shouldn't necessarily have a set monetary value. My idea of a reward for the week is getting an extra treat on Shabbos...

Working towards a big reward for achieving a specific goal (such as getting to minyan->scooter) is NOT the same as paying your kids to go to bed every night.

ElTam

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 8:26 pm

I agree that if it is working, and you have plans to wean them off of it, and they know you are going to wean them off it and they have to keep doing these things, it sounds okay.

That being said, we don not pay kids for self-care (brushing teeth, getting dressed).

We do not pay for being part of the family (putting your dishes in the washtub after meals, hanging up your coat, picking up your toys).

We do pay for extra work that is Ima or Abba's job. So, no pay for putting your clothes away, but yes pay for matching socks or helping to rake the leaves.

No pay for putting the baby's toys in his room, but if they go in and totally organize his toys/books, which my DD#1 is into doing, I will pay, because that was going to be something I was going to have to do.

I would do stickers and earning little prizes (like from the dollar store, or special time with just Ima or Abba that normally all the kids would go, like a trip to the library or grocery store) for the things you describe.

connie

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 8:44 pm

it is a good idea and it could be used with behavior issues as well. but at some point they do need to be slowly weened off by giving less rewards for every little thing and maybe just one overall reward. and then eventually no rewards if possible or transition it into a weekly chores/allowance.

yksraya

Sun, Feb 26 2012, 9:30 pm

on Friday I made a list of 6 chores and told my dd she should choose 2 of 'em. she's usually unhappy with doing chores but being that she had a choice of what she should do she happily complied. when a kids feel in control of what they will do they comply without being payed to do the chore. I also only write age appropriate chores on the list.

shalhevet

Mon, Feb 27 2012, 3:16 am

ElTam wrote:

I pretty much agree with this.

I think paying for regular, everyday jobs is terrible. A child has to learn that they are part of the family and everyone helps everyone else. Ima and/or Abba work/learn for everyone's benefit and we all help each other - even if we didn't play with the Lego or spill the crayons. Otherwise maybe my children should pay me for doing their laundry or cooking lunch. Maybe we can open a restaurant and they can order what they want to eat and pay at the end. Rolling Eyes

The message you are giving a child who gets paid for washing the dishes (and showering!) is that they have no responsibilities in life and they are doing everyone a big favour to even eat breakfast. Read: spoiled.

If there are exceptional jobs which I might have had to hire someone to do (e.g lots of Pesach cleaning), I do reward, though I don't make it directly in money. I have given gifts for helping prepare a simcha, make Pesach etc.

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