Presents for wedding

chabadnick

Thu, Oct 19 2006, 3:30 pm

I was brought up that when you have a wedding.,...you buy a present. and when you go to a shower, you buy a gift, some people have told me its too much. We dont have alot of money but we always do this. What do you think?

chocolate moose

Thu, Oct 19 2006, 3:46 pm

I think it depends.

In communities where there are many many simchas I think you have to give less or not at all, and that's considered okay....like people who run to three weddings a night, and after that they have a lechaim or two to go to, to say mazel tov!

Can you bake for a shower and just give one main gift?

mimsy7420

Thu, Oct 19 2006, 3:51 pm

If I am invited to a shower also, I usually give a VERY nice shower gift and nothing at the wedding. If I am just invited to the wedding, we usually write a cheque, since that was what I mostly wanted for gifts at my wedding. I would rather someone write me a smaller cheque then give me my 700th platter that I can't return anywhere. I have a cupboard in my parents basement designated to wedding gifts that I have no use of and can't return anywhere.

Lol, my in-laws are making another wedding now and some people who did not give us gifts yet(its a big pet-peeve of mil and makes her really mad) might find themselves without an invitation to this wedding.

mali

Thu, Oct 19 2006, 4:55 pm

only1 wrote:

Lol, my in-laws are making another wedding now and some people who did not give us gifts yet(its a big pet-peeve of mil and makes her really mad) might find themselves without an invitation to this wedding.

She actually keeps track of that?

mimsy7420

Thu, Oct 19 2006, 4:58 pm

mali wrote:

only1 wrote:

She actually keeps track of that?

She wants to cut the list down. What

melalyse

Thu, Oct 19 2006, 10:45 pm

My husband and I are invited to many, many weddings. Mostly his students. Between june and september we were invited to 30 weddings. We don't give gifts anymore. We just can't afford to. When we go to my friends weddings, which we haven't had in over a year, we give a gift.

chabadnick

Fri, Oct 20 2006, 9:46 am

but to families you feel close to....
doesnt it look weird when people pay foryour meal and you dont give presents...especially non frum people

JMto2

Fri, Oct 20 2006, 9:49 am

What I do is for close friends I buy a gift usually I have also received from them and I try to get a few people to buy it together so we do not have to give a fortune each and they still get a nice thing. I do not buy for cousins since there are so many and the parents get and write that it is also from us.

Mitzvahmom

Fri, Oct 20 2006, 9:49 am

For my family, we are having alot of Bar/Bat Mitzvahs (non frum family) some kids are not even jewish. I just use the excuse that it's too hard to travel to events. And then knit them a skarf.

G-d willing when I find my beshert, I am thinking that we would have to elope rather than deal with family. (though I am sure they would be mad if I did that)

amother

Fri, Oct 20 2006, 9:58 am

Just a question: Till how long after a wedding is it still acceptable to give a gift. If too much time passes and I forgot to give the gift is it better to forget about it or still bring it over? Its for a neighbors son that got married just a few months after I moved into the neighborhood and I dont really know them that well but now its like 2 months later.

chen

Fri, Oct 20 2006, 10:56 am

trust me--no one will reject a gift because it came late. in many ways it may even be appreciated more because the excitement of getting it is not dulled by the four hundred other gifts that arrived at the same time.

ceo

Mon, Oct 23 2006, 10:33 am

We don't go to a lot of weddings, so I do try to bring something.. Recently, a guy that seats next to my husband in shul invited us to the chassuna of his daughter. I never met these people, but we went . I bought about $20 worth of kitchenware off their registry.

I rarely go to showers, unless it's a close friend or relative. Often, it's because of the expense- a gift, plus babysitter for my son, etc... I only go if I really feel that my presence will be missed (not usually)

Honestly, from my own wedding, I have no idea who brought gifts and who didn't. But I remember the ones that were so obviously re-gifted! Rolling Eyes

mumof1

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 4:49 pm

I do the same as only1, I give a ggorgeous shower gift or a wedding gift both costs too much, we are not expected to have to give that much its just the thought, mazal tov wishes and a useful gift that is appreciated!

avigayil

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 5:04 pm

Dh and I give a small cash gift usually, unless there are reasonably prices gifts on the registry. I rarely go to showers also.

Motek

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 5:16 pm

chabadnick wrote:

You're asking about giving two gifts, one for the shower and one for the wedding?

In my opinion that's ridiculous. One gift per simcha!

Should we also give the bar mitzva boy two gifts, one on the day of his bar mitzva at the seuda and another gift (if you can give one on Shabbos) at his kiddush on Shabbos? no way!

two baby gifts - one at the bris plus another one?

why two wedding gifts????