Pediatrician uspet with me..

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Forum -> Children's Health

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amother

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 6:23 pm

I don't drive and needed to cancel my baby's well-visit 2 or 3 times because I could not find a ride. There are no buses available. I had made the appointments when dh said he could take me, but then for a variety of reasons each time he told me last minute he could not, thus leaving me to find a ride or cancel. The appointments were Fridays so no one was willing to shlep me, my baby and toddler Erev Shabbos. I finally made it in last Friday, 1 1/2 months later than I should have been there.

My pediatrician was not happy that I came in so late. The baby is now behind in shots and didn't gain enough weight. He said he wished I had been in sooner and I must keep my appointments. It was not my fault and I feel REALLY bad and frustrated with dh (and my friends) for not helping. I don't want to criticize dh to the ped, but I also don't want him to think I'm neglectful either. I also wish I had been able to go earlier b/c he gave me great ideas on how to help the baby gain and it would have been great to have these ideas 1 1/2 months ago.

I have an appointment this week to make sure the baby is gaining. What should I do if the dr says anything else about the missed visits?

amother

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 6:59 pm

So dont miss appointments. Take a cab. Dont you want to know how the baby is doing, and couldnt you see that he wasnt gaining enough?
I think you have been irresponsible.!

chocolate moose

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 7:02 pm

I also wanted a dr who was out of the way so I got someone closer. you should face facts and do the same.

amother

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 7:23 pm

amother wrote:

So dont miss appointments. Take a cab. Dont you want to know how the baby is doing, and couldnt you see that he wasnt gaining enough?
I think you have been irresponsible.!

DH would not give me money for a cab. I explored that option.
I thought the baby had gained more during that time.
Yes, of course, I want to know how the baby is! DH does not feel the appointments need to be done on time and is very uncooperative

This is the dr that is the closest to my home. Not in walking distance as there is a highway. I explored that option, too.

momof6

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 7:43 pm

Dh sounds very unusual.
Ask a Rav or Mashpia what they think.

amother

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 7:46 pm

You should have shared that information in your initial post. Obviously there are deeper more serious issues here. You need to get the baby to the doctor more often- why dont you put away a few dollars a week from your regular food budget, so at the end of the month, you can afford the cab. Alternatively, you can post what area you are in- and perhaps the chesed organizations could get involved in supplying you the rides, and or cash for the cab. Good Luck!!

amother

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 8:53 pm

OP here...given the situation, how should I handle things with the pediatrician?

Tovah

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 8:55 pm

maybe your mother can give u money for a cab. or make an apointment the same time as someone else you know and go together.

Piper

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 9:17 pm

this whole topic and postings by the op is very scary to me.
How can a decent husband not give you $$? Go to your Rav for help, or your parents, or your in-laws.
Also, I should add, if the pediatrician does not think that you are taking care of your baby, he might report you to CPS. He is required by law. I don't want to scare you, but your DH needs a reality check.

Flowerchild

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 9:30 pm

I was thinking the same Piper, its very odd that your husband wont give you money to take your child to a doctor. its one thing if he cant make it to drive you but he should give you money for a cab. besides why do you have to ask for money, you should be able to take money for things you need, and you should have some cash on you.

you are also lucky that your pedi cares enough, I missed appointments with my son and my doctor never really mentioned it so it was my respoinsability, your child now needs to go for these check ups, its important.

perhaps you can get help from your mother or mother-in-law, also someone aside from you needs to speak to your hubby, maybe he really doesnt realize or thinks its such a big deal, but even so he should let you make that decision.

your options are probably, getting a cab, asking help from your family, or getting a doctor thats closer .

NotInNJMommy

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 9:34 pm

When my dh isn't taking something serious enough for my liking (B"H he takes well visits seriously!) that's related to the baby's health or even ruchniyus....I get the expert to talk to him! (ie. the doctor or the mashpia/rav)

He mekabels it much more quickly from the "experts" than from me. I've gotten over (most) of the ego of that, what's most important is that he sees the particulars that are important. This isn't on everything, just those select things he's stubborn about.

So maybe getting the dr. to speak to your dh could help clear things up.

As far as speaking to the dr., explain no car, no other pediatrician, dh/friends falling through, and that dh just doesn't see urgency of "well visit" to give you $$ for cab, so you feel in a pickle bc you want to come, and ask him to speak to your dh...of course, if you think that won't hurt shalom bayis, etc.

amother

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 9:49 pm

OP here...thanks for your suggestions.
I appreciate it

Mods..could you please close this.
I don't think my problem was clearly understood. Thanks.
'

chocolate moose

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 10:53 pm

I also would not like to pay for a cab eahc time I had an appointment. op, you need someone close or someone you can get to youself, on a bus line or some such.

yoyosma

Sun, Nov 12 2006, 11:12 pm

OP, if your problem wasnt understood it was because you didnt explain sufficiently. However, from what I understood, I dont understand why you dont DEMAND money for a cab to get to the Dr.! Piper's post is 100% true. Maybe the fact that your doctor is aware that you havent come and is asking you about it should be a red flag for you that he is thinking about why you arent coming. CPS is not something you want to deal with.

BrachaVHatzlocha

Mon, Nov 13 2006, 9:49 pm

Ok, Amother is nervous about her doctor bothering her, she's not asking for marriage advice. Is that correct?

Re: your doctor -- hopefully once he brought it up, it's enough. If he says something again, just say - "I'm sorry. I'll try to be better in the future." Or something about more pressing demands. Just try to keep it short.

Re: your husband.....I think people above are being too quick to judge. I remember making appointments for my baby's well-baby visit...and if the dr. said come in 2 months, the nurses said it's fine if it's 2 1/2 months. Your husband is probably just assuming that it's okay to be a little off...which it IS. However, if your baby is having issues gaining weight, or other health issues, try to explain to him that is not just a regular well-baby visit with vaccines (which, by the way, are okay to be a little late...), but that you're working on her gaining weight, and therefore you need a ride, or cab, etc... Things do come up sometimes, so just try your best to keep your appointment. Is money is really an issue, maybe you can call a chesed organization in the neighborhood - they may provide rides for appointments?

good luck!

amother

Wed, Nov 15 2006, 9:19 pm

OP here..

B"H, all went VERY well with the baby's appt. this week! After following the dr's advice my baby gained DOUBLE what the dr had hoped for! The dr was SO supportive and so nice! And when dh complained about the appt in 2 weeks b/c the time was no good, I told him I was going no matter what and if need be he'd have to pay for a cab, end of discussion. He wasn't thrilled, but I need to know my baby is gaining. I don't ever want to be this nervous again.

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