How far will we go in our dieting? - Eating Disorders

motheroftwo

Wed, Apr 13 2005, 8:58 am

I just read in last weeks mishpacha - a woman/girl wrote a letter thanking Mishpacha for their recent articles. She herself is recovering from an eating disorder and she says she got help after reading an article in the Jewish Press about it.
This just proved the point I made before...

Motek

Sun, Apr 17 2005, 9:23 pm

a friend told me that her daughter's teacher took it upon herself to educate her class (high school) about eating disorders, without informing the parents or asking them permission

she went around the room asking each girl what she eats for breakfast Rolling Eyes

What the point in that was, only the teacher knows.

my friend called the teacher to complain and the teacher rudely told her to just speak for herself, being so zealously on her crusade of education, that she couldn't care less whether parents are paying tuition for her unsolicited "help" or not

Motek

Thu, Apr 21 2005, 3:16 pm

the really foolish thing about all this "education" is that it has nothing to do, or very little to do, with anorexia.

If teachers and parents want to teach children about nutrition and healthy living, that's great, but if they think that by doing so, they are contributing to the prevention of severe eating disorders (as opposed to unhealthy dieting), they're way off track.

As it says in one of the Mishpacha articles (bold is mine):

Quote:

Rachel, a former anorexic, puts it simply. "To an outsider looking at an anorexic person, know that anorexia is not about food. Forcing someone to eat is not the cure. Food is only the weapon. There are much deeper issues inside. The person is a scared, hurting child who is crying out in pain for help."

This is why I think the focus on dress size and shiduchim and attitudes towards dieting, though important topics for other reasons, is entirely misguided when it comes to eating disorders.

The focus, in my opinion, ought to be on fostering normal home lives, normal school lives, and on healthy interactions at home and at school.

Tefila

Thu, Apr 21 2005, 4:19 pm

Quote:

without informing the parents or asking them permission

I hate it when Teachers take some things into their own hands without consulting parents especially on these matters Mad

ilvmommyhood
Guest

Thu, Apr 21 2005, 4:32 pm

truth of the matter is- look around at the mothers- I bet a huge chunk of them are wearing larger than a size 12. I bet a lot of them need to loose 20lbs or more just not to be considered obese! We forget its a mitzvah to take care of our bodies! If I was a young girl today and looked at the older women around me- I would be scared and probably would have had an eating disorder! When I taught the lunches the children brought in- um... do these parents have a clue about whats healthy and whats not? Walking around frummer areas- the kids are so pudgy! We forget how we look sometimes when we are so covered up. I read a study on this years ago. I think part of the whole "epidemic" is in response to so many of us women and men being fat!

Tefila

Thu, Apr 21 2005, 4:37 pm

Quote:

truth of the matter is- look around at the mothers- I bet a huge chunk of them are wearing larger than a size 12. I bet a lot of them need to loose 20lbs or more just not to be considered obese!

Talk for yourself! I'm really truly svelt, w/h only 'hm' to lose to be a size 12 or less , again Tongue Out

Uh was that 12 American or English size? B/c there is a difference just like their money too Tongue Out

ilvmommyhood
Guest

Thu, Apr 21 2005, 5:58 pm

american

I did not know the sizes were different.

Tefila

Wed, Apr 27 2005, 7:47 pm

Yep even the way they drive is u know. Very Happy

Motek

Thu, May 05 2005, 4:21 pm

rydys wrote:

I am glad to hear that Mishpacha is doing a series on eating disorders. I think it is high time that the frum community stops hiding its head in the sand and recognizes mental illness for what it is--an illness, so we can remove the stigma and get people the help they need.

in the 3rd part of the Mishpacha series, they include an "Alternative Technique" in which a woman, Pnina Gershon, helps even those labeled inpossible cases. According to her (and the Adlerian psychology approach), children's behavior is not a symptom of a disease.

Rather, there are goals the children are trying to achieve, albeit in a negative way, such as connecting to their parents. What she does is figure out what the child's motive is and neutralize it.

As Pnina Gershon puts it, "Anorexia is not a disease. It is a behavior which is about control."

And her directive to the mother, in how to handle her daughter, was diametrically opposed to the doctor's directive, because "his approach was based on the thought that an anorexic person is not in control of herself", whereas P.G.'s approach is to help the family change their ways of behaving "so their children never need to resort to destructive behavior."

This is the same idea which I posted in one of the Depression threads, quoting a prominent psychiatrist who has worked in the field of psychiatry for 45 years.

It's gratifying to see this alternative approach which seeks the true reason for abnormal or troublesome behavior, and rather than label it a disease and provide medication, show how it's about poor choices that unhappy people make which they can change for better ones.

gryp

Thu, May 05 2005, 5:10 pm

its true- anorexia and other eating disorders is about control. ive heard cases of when a parent is very strict and the child needs some kind of control over his/her life, and the easiest thing to take control over is the food you eat, because no one can force you to eat or not eat, only you have that power. so the child begins to be obsessed with controlling his food intake...and many problems start, r"l.

Motek

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 6:14 pm

long sad article about girl with anorexia

http://www.aish.com/jewishissu.....y.asp

ironic that her mother had been trained to work as a nutritionist with eating-disordered patients - that didn't help

her daughter went to therapy for weeks and months and thought it was stupid, it didn't help her, she deteriorated

Quote:

Anorexia is more than a problem with food. It's a way of starving oneself to feel more in control of her life and to ease tension, anger and anxiety that frequently erupts around adolescence

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 8:14 pm

Motek wrote:

Quote:

Anorexia is more than a problem with food. It's a way of starving oneself to feel more in control of her life and to ease tension, anger and anxiety that frequently erupts around adolescence

very sad!! it bought back memories for me!!!

at the age of 16 weighing 70 pounds (im 5ft 4) I finially admitted I had a problem and knew the only way to fight it would be to check in to the eating disorders unit!

as a girl I was always chubby, always dieting getting teased and never loosing weight!
in 11th grade I decided this time I was going to do it! it began with a healthy eating plan and I started loosing weight, the compliments were pouring in and I finially felt like I accomplished something, yet it soon took over me and my life!I counted every calorie every mouthfull every spponful, I started giving away my lunches and trying to avoid supper at home!

my diet began in december, in february one of my teachers took me in to her office in school and said my choice was to come with her to my gp or she would take me by force, I went to my gp who said there was nothing wrong with me 'she weighs 126 pounds shes fine' (I had allready stopped getting my period) going him that night the gp's words ringing in my head I decided I was too fat he even said soo..

purim I discovered throwing up meant I could get rid of more food so watever my mum got down me came back up!

I knew I was killing myself yet felt out of controll to do anything about it, I put my family through hell yet it was my way of 'controlling' something!
that pesach at a very low point I cut my diet down to one carrot a day!

I know longer went to school and spent my days exercising and deciding if I was worth living!

in may I visited the outpaitients unit for eating disorder I finially admitted I needed help in my mind I though it would be great entering the unit it meant I could leave my home and it meant I know longer had to be frum and live with the rules of the house!

little did I know wat I was in for..in june a room became available.

I still remember the day my mum dropped me off I hid chewing gum hidden in my underwear, in my suitcase, yet it was all found and confiscated..than lunch was place b4 me my mum held my hand and cried with me I hadnt eaten food in a long time I was to afraid to put the spoon in my mouth yet I had no choice it was that or a feeding tube!

I was in the unit for 6 long months!!!!!!!! if u lost weight u lost ur 15 min walk or fresh air, ur fone calls were limited u had a nurse with u wen u showered wen u used the toilet!! it was one long hard struggle!

during my stay I lost all intrest in being frum I hated my family for making me be frum and if they put pressure on me I would cut myself!

I was the youngest patient there and the day I found out my friend who slept next to my room passed away I promised I would FIGHT THIS ILLNESS!!!I WOULD FIGHT IT UNTIL THE END!!!I WOULD NEVER RETURN TO THE UNIT!!!I DIT IT!!! b'h I am now married with a baby (plus the extra baby pounds lol) I am the most sucssesful case the unit ever had I believe I am a hero! I was at the door to death and I came back!

b'h I am now frum but modern and wouldnt want to be any other way!!
my dream is to write a book and help the millions of frum pple out there struggling from anorexia...

I didnt choose to be anorexic noone does! its a illness!
just like wen a person breaks there leg it needs to heal, the same goes with anorexia, it comes from issues that pple have in there lives be it s-xual abuse, religion, divorce anything can tricker it off!

ladies if any of u are suffering please get help there is a life outside of ur box!!

I fought it and u all can!

Motek

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 8:28 pm

amother wrote:

b'h I am now frum but modern and wouldnt want to be any other way!!

What were you before?

healthymama

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 9:01 pm

amother, you sound like one strong person. Maybe you should speak at gatherings. So many girls and women should become more educated about this.

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 10:02 pm

healthymama wrote:

amother, you sound like one strong person. Maybe you should speak at gatherings. So many girls and women should become more educated about this.

iv spoken a few times in the eating disorder unit I used to attend!

I have my diary from wen I was in the unit would love to get it published one day!

Motek wrote:

amother wrote:

b'h I am now frum but modern and wouldnt want to be any other way!!

What were you before?

motek my family are a big mix, from litvish to chassidish, lubavitch. I went to a lubavitch school and I would say I used to be more lubavitch chassidish..

Motek

Tue, Nov 21 2006, 11:46 am

a Torah perspective:

Quote:

The challenge of our existence here on earth is to successfully negotiate the tension between body and soul. While we must give our body its due, it should not become the exclusive or even primary focus. After all is said and done, the body is only the outside shell -- the packaging that after it exhausts its usefulness will die and be buried. But the spirit of the human being -- which is dependant on a lifetime of spiritual awareness and investment and commensurate good deeds -- joins other souls in a world of eternal duration.

...

Yes, the body is very important. Our physical configuration, -- the brains, heart, kidneys, intestines, etc. -- are inspiring in their harmony and synchrony and serve as testimony to the presence of a purposeful creator. The Torah commandment "only be observant for yourself and greatly concerned for your soul" (Deut. 4:9) enjoins us to be very careful not to do anything that would be in anyway injurious to our bodies. We must eat well, sleep, exercise, seek medical attention, whatever will promote our health and well-being.

In addition, the Torah places value on an attractive appearance. Since the body is the garment of the soul its presentation is a commentary on its bearer. The Talmud states that a Torah scholar dare not appear in soiled clothing. We understand that to mean that a person who represents a Torah standard must externally reflect well on what he personifies.

http://aish.com/family/rebbitz.....l.asp