Children being rude to adults

yehudis

Sun, Sep 11 2005, 1:39 pm

I've noticed that my 4-year-old daughter has been saying things to me, in English, that are not exactly polite. English is not her native language. We speak Russian at home, and she sounds much more polite in Russian. When I tried to talk to her about it, I realized that she has no idea that there is something wrong with it because that's how other children speak to her. (She says things like, "Whatever" or "I don't care" etc.) So I explained to her that there are certain things we don't say to a Mommy. But then again, they shouldn't really be speaking like that to each other either. Any thoughts on how to get children to speak nicely? Especially when other children don't.

amother

Sun, Sep 11 2005, 2:19 pm

My kids speak rudely to me in English, but if they knew Russian they would also speak rudely in that language. I mean they roll their eyes, they say "whatever" and have an attitude. I have recently started an old-fashioned lines writing campaign ( Four times : I will not be rude to mommy). It worked well so far. A lot less chutzpah. But that is intentional, not accidental rudeness.

Meema2Kids

Mon, Sep 19 2005, 9:20 pm

I get the same thing with my four year old too. Confused

actually with my 2 year old son also. You are right, they don't realize that it is rude. They are just imitating what they hear other people say. A couple things I try to do, although I don't always remember:

Speaking nicely to my kids. I can totally hear that it's my impatient tone that they are imitating sometimes! embarrassed

Edited to add: You must be speaking nicely to her if she is polite in Russian!! Very Happy

Correct in a positive way; in addition to saying we don't talk to Ema like that, I also give them an example of a better way to say it and have them repeat it.

raizy

Sun, Oct 23 2005, 12:49 am

a slap for a 4 yrs old who just said I dont care and they dont really understand that it is rude. then I would be slapping my kids all day long in that case.
its is also the 2 languages that gets them into trouble like my kids would sometimes sound bad in english yet when they say the exact same thing in yiddush it sounds different. kids dont understand the difference in langauges they just literary do all the transilations and sometimes it can really sound bad and rude in the new language.

chanala

Sun, Oct 23 2005, 11:39 am

amother wrote:

give him a good slap he won't do it again

1) Why post this anon?
2) all this teaches a 2 yo is that it's OK to hit - with my 2 yo I had to grab his arm firmly, look him in the eye, and repeat "no, NO hitting!" several times, every time he did it, before he got the message.
3) in this day and age, if someone sees you do that, it's liable to get you reported to CPS... you do NOT want to go down that road!!!

greenfire

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 9:11 pm

Imagine if someone that you loved dearly slapped you - now multiplly that I don't know how many times - cause to a little kid they cannot understand "why is mommy hitting me?!?!?! doesn't she love me anymore?!?!?!" and they don't even think about anything else. Communicate always in all ways. People learn and little people can understand as well.

ps cute kid chanala

amother

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 11:28 pm

Quote:

give him a good slap he won't do it again

thats a short term solution and wont teach him anything besides to be scared hell get a patch.

Imaonwheels

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 5:21 pm

The Russian culture is much more polite than US or Israeli culture. Both Russians and Ethiopians have had social probs within the family over mores of child/adult interaction. In frei Israeli schools kids call the teacher by her first name. In my dd's school they always had to say morati.

It is sad how lax we are in teaching our kids derech eretz and how hard it makes it for those parents who have not fallen into this laxness. My kids are also much ruder than they were taught at home because this type of speech is acceptable in the schools in my area.

amother

Mon, Dec 04 2006, 5:32 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

I have that with my 19 year old, too...and a potch just makes him laugh!

You gotta be kidding- you potch a 19 yr old male, who might be bigger and stronger than you, or did I misunderstand?

happy2beme

Tue, Dec 05 2006, 1:29 pm

Quote:

chocolate moose wrote:
I have that with my 19 year old, too...and a potch just makes him laugh!

You gotta be kidding- you potch a 19 yr old male, who might be bigger and stronger than you, or did I misunderstand?

Maybe she meant had & not have? like, years ago she had that occurence?

FYI: you are not allowed to hit someone older than bar/bat mitzvah!

mumoo

Tue, Dec 05 2006, 6:50 pm

amother wrote:

kids learn from parents. if parents are polite kids learn from them.

the "d"d of a good friend of mine is incredibly rude to me. she holds a grudge because I reprimanded her for insulting one of my children. the mother and father are very polite, well liked people