my son witnessed inappropriate behavior

happybeingamom

Mon, Feb 04 2013, 1:23 pm

He of course should not be going to his friends house.

I would ask the mother what are they doing about the behavior (trying to touch your son, the older boy doing this in public).

Your goal is to protect your son from this potential molester, you have been given notice. Whatever is necessary to do you should do. I worry for your son's friend as I would be afraid the older brother is harming him.

Please daven for the boys family they are living a nightmare right now and need a yeshoua.

lk1234

Mon, Feb 04 2013, 1:24 pm

I just want to say that you should be so proud that your son is so open and honest with you about his feelings. And I'm so proud of him that he stood up for himself when that boy tried to touch him. you are doing something right macaroni. You should be proud of yourself.

happybeingamom

Mon, Feb 04 2013, 1:25 pm

Why don't you contact Rabbi Horowitz as he has experience with this.

This is his website http://rabbihorowitz.com/ and you should find info how to contact him.

Hatzlacha

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Feb 04 2013, 1:29 pm

All the above is right. I have nothing to add, but two quibbles:

Your son did not witness inappropriate behavior, he was subjected to inappropriate behavior.

The older boy is not a potential molester. The older boy is a molester.

Get all the help you can in all directions as said above.

Daven.

We must all daven for this OP and her family.

Della

Mon, Feb 04 2013, 1:42 pm

Do not allow your son to go there again. When the boy is at your house, do not allow them privacy.

It is quite possible the younger boy was molested by the older brother, and therefore may act out.

I write this as I sit at a desk for my volunteer position on a Frum abuse helpline for victims of s3xual abuse. You do not want to have to use it.

lili

Mon, Feb 04 2013, 1:42 pm

I dont have any advice, wishing you good luck, I just want to mention that I think it's remarkable of the mother of the boy to tell you this. The right thing to do of course but it must have been hard for her.
I dont think it's ok to break the relationship between her younger son and your son, I think she will be understanding if you limit it to school and your house only.

amother

Mon, Feb 04 2013, 1:51 pm

When I was around 5-6 years old, I remember a grown man exposing himself to me on the train. My mother was sitting right next to me, and he was hiding "himself" behind his newspaper, and kept "tssking" me and exposing it while she was absorbed in her davening.

I had no idea what he was pointing at, but my mouth was open and I was weirded out. When I tried describing it to my mother, all I could come up with was "he showed me a [Insert physical description]". It was too late to call the police.

I forgot the incident pretty quickly, because I had no s-xual knowledge and wasn't even aware that it was an actual body part until much later in life. Had I had awareness of what other genders look like, perhaps I would have been more traumatized.

It really depends on the child.

lavender_dew

Mon, Feb 04 2013, 3:47 pm

You should be very proud that your son knew well enough to push that boy away when he tried to touch him. But Dolly Welsh is right, this neighbor boy is already a molester. It's one thing for a boy to "experiment" on himself but in front of someone else and attempting to touch another person against their will is absolutely unacceptable. If this was a grown man trying to touch you (G-d forbid), that would be called s-xual harassment, right?

You mentioned that the school already knows this boy has "serious issues". And obviously this boy's family is openly aware of their son's problem, otherwise I can't believe she would mention anything to you. But keep your son AWAY from this child!

EmesOrNT

Mon, Feb 04 2013, 4:37 pm

I think I liked pretty much every post that had anything to do with keeping your kid away from his.

Regarding calling the police, he can be arrested for lewd public behaviour, unless it was done in his house.

Merrymom

Mon, Feb 04 2013, 9:06 pm

Did you consider confronting this older boy, just so that he knows you're keeping a close eye on him, so he won't try to mess around with your son in the future c"v?

amother

Tue, Feb 05 2013, 11:05 pm

keep your son away from anyone in that family! the boy tried to touch your son??? masterbates in front of him all over the house????? this is a dangerous house for your son to be in and I can't imagine that the boy leaves his own brother alone so I wouldn't let him play with the younger son either. this whole thing is very weird and very bad. keep your children away!!!!!!
-molested and suffering still

DrMom

Tue, Feb 05 2013, 11:11 pm

amother wrote:

Why do they have to sever connections with the whole family? It's the older boy who acted inappropriately. OP's son is friends with the younger brother, who didn't do anything wrong. Why can't he stay friends with him? As long as they play at OP's house and not the friend's home, I don't see the problem.

amother

Tue, Feb 05 2013, 11:18 pm

DrMom wrote:

amother wrote:

just thinking that the younger boy must be traumatized by his brothers behavior either from being exposed to masterbation multiple times or, possibly, from actual molestation and that might affect how he interacts with your son or what he talks to your son about.