toilet training a 3.6 year old for big that has fears.

CHANY115

Mon, Oct 30 2006, 9:13 pm

can anyone help me with toilet training, my 3.6 year old son goes to the toilet for small=standing and is scared to sit while he makes big. even with a pamper on and even in his bed with a pamper. he must stand when he makes big and refuses the toilet or potty for big. any suggestions.
I promised him the world already.
I am getting nervous, since he is closer to 4 then 3 and I am expecting my third shortly and do not want to have 3 in pampers. all day in school he holds it back and when he is home he asks for a pamper or waits until bedtime for one and if I refuse to put it on for him, he suffers from stomache pain and goes to sleep without making or makes in his pants.

Mommy3.5

Mon, Oct 30 2006, 9:50 pm

what worked with my son, was to buy a toy he REALLY wanted, and then place it on top of the fridge where it could be seen all day, and everytime he asked for it we would say "no, that is only for when you poop on the potty/toilet!" and then go on to the next thing. Anyway after 3 days of this he finally asked to go (this was after months of refusing and having dirty accidents almost every day!) and once he did it that one time, he never had a problem again. He just had to get over the initial fear of it.

Also try to get a tiolet seat that fits him with a step stool for his feet to rest on---comfort is a big issue too.

good luck!

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 5:32 am

I have the toilet seat and stool and I tried the toy on the fridge for my DS. The first time he did #2 on the toilet he got it and we made a huge fuss. He then he continued pooing in his pants - I wish he would have carried on once he had done it the first time but doesn't seem to have happened- Oh well!

CHANY115

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 12:06 pm

I have bought many toys that he wants and put it on top and it did not work. he is so scared that nothing will soothe him. maybe I will try with a stool for his foot.

amother

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 12:27 pm

My sil had the same prob. He waited for the diaper at night. Became constipated etc. Finaly one time she had to give him an enema. I took both parents but they got him on the toilet & he went. That helped get over the fear.It wasn't 100 % smooth after but much better.

su7kids

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 4:27 pm

Chany does he tell you what he's afraid of?

Sometimes if you can talk to him, it helps.

Also, don't flush in front of him, that may be very scary, after all, it takes a while until you realize that poop and you are separate entities once you've been. He may be afraid that it will flush with him on it.

Any attempts he makes to get closer to the goal should be met with MUCH fanfare. Yay, and singing, and cheering and hugging and "I'm proud of you", etc.

Eventually, he'll want that attention.

Just for the record, I have a son who is now 17 who wasn't trained until 3 months before his 4th birthday and NEVER had a problem once he was done.

Mom2girls

Wed, Nov 08 2006, 5:16 am

hi,
had same with my child (girl) anyway I went to a specialist bec shewas constipated and what the idea was that it's psychological, since once had pain from making and thinks if won't then no pain.
first must give every day tablespoon of parafein oil, available pharmacy over the counter , then in food also give veg, fruits, use bit of oil also in food.
then chart: may not skip 2 days without making, if don't make at end of 2nd day, get enema for children, stick it in and run to toilet within 5 min. when make put sticker on chart (calendar chart type so can see when made, not points chart), eventually child will realize has nothing to fear and mu very gradually go down with parafein oil until no problem, but I find you must still keep track of if for next couple of years so can catch it right away in case happens again..
good luck!!!

CHANY115

Wed, Nov 08 2006, 10:11 pm

I have tried putting in mineral oil in his drinks and it helps him to go out but he still insists on only making in the corner standing. he is still afrsid of making sitting even with his pamper on.
any advice.

Mom2girls

Thu, Nov 09 2006, 4:09 am

hi,
I think the first step at this point should be to allow your child to make in the diaper but do the calendar chart to make sure he doesn't skip more than 1 day, and do what I said before, parafeine oil 1 big tbsp a day and enema by 2nd day if didn't make so that after a couple of weeks child will see not painful - shouldn't even have to push more than once or s/t like that and slowly the trauma which you don't know he might have will go away and then you might approach the toilet but in the meantime don't tell him off for doing in the pamper - most important is to make easy and often. good luck!! ask if more questions

chanadownunda

Thu, Nov 09 2006, 6:12 am

I had a similar problem with my son. he was very scared and would wait for a diaper to go. what finally worked was just plain sitting it out. one night, I just decided that we would not leave the toilet until he made. (this was after a few days of not going, so I knew he had what to make.) we sat there for forty five minutes. I sang to him, read him books, showed him pictures, he asked me a million questions... and then suddenly, his face contorted with fear and I hushed him and talked him through it, and he made!!! We made such a fuss over it that he decided to go again. (we still had occasional accidents after that, but in a matter of weeks, he became a regular at going every day in the toilet. By the way, it's common for kids to hold it in at school and only do it at home in the afternoon or evening.) Hatzlacha Rabba!

Imaonwheels

Sun, Dec 03 2006, 3:04 am

This also can be a circular prob. The stools get harder because of holding it in. Also, does it seem that he has to strain to go? There was time we took my gs off banans because if he found them with no one looking he would eat a whole bunch as he loves them. He hasn't started training yet , only 1 1/2 but he does go into a corner where he doesn't want to be seen and works hard. I told dd to give him foods to losen him up a bit and the maon knows and he is off certain foods there as well.

I liked the idea of sitting him when you know there is what needs to be done and coaching him through because fear of pain can be very imbedded in small children. He is also at an age where he should have been trained for #2 quite a while ago and his understanding is more developed. It might also make him upset as he prob wants to go but his fear is stopping him.

Imaonwheels

Sun, Dec 03 2006, 3:06 am

Chayary

Tue, Dec 26 2006, 11:10 pm

I haven't dealt with this issue specifically, but my inclination would be to break it down in small steps...like someone else said, making every day would be a goal, maybe also making in the bathroom..it could be in his diaper standing up, but at least in the bathroom, anything that moves him toward the goal in small, not scary steps. And also try talking it through with him to figure out exactly which part of it he's upset by. There are definitely specialists for this sort of thing, I know my sister has used them for her girls.