Dan lkaf zechus | Imamother

alpidarkomama

Thu, May 02 2013, 2:48 am

DH and I are in a situation where we are really, really doing the right thing, but to everyone else it may appear as if we are very much in the wrong. Yes, we have rabbinical support, and it is very, very hard to not talk about and share our motivations. It would be very damaging to another party (lashon hara). Last shabbos I had a friend turn and walk away from me because of it. I am trying to have a lot of compassion for her because I understand how she feels based on what she thinks is going on. I told her it was far, far more complicated than she could imagine and to please be dan l'kaf zechus. It may be months before this is resolved. It has been a real mesiras nefesh. How have others coped in this situation? So grateful that hashem has given me the strength to bear this. I am trying to put extra effort into being dan l'kaf zechus towards others.

Tova

Thu, May 02 2013, 7:51 am

Wow!
Obviously you can't go into more detail and I can't even begin to imagine what such a scenario may be. One thing concerns me though - there is a passuk, "that you should be "clean" nekiim from Hashem and from Bnei Yisrael. It is not ideal to have a situation where you look "unclean" to other Jews, and need to rely/hold them to a standard of being DLKZ. I'm wondering if there is another way to handle this so that your actions at least look neutral.