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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
DrMom
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 Tue, Jul 16 2013, 5:26 am
The answer seems pretty straightforward (and is found on p.1 of this thread):
Go to the police.
What are you waiting for??
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mo5
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 8:29 am
| amother wrote: | | First call a rav and then call the hotline for department of child services and aaked the poor victims permission (and their parents first) if they will cooperate with children services and the police and then the rest will be handeled in their hands to make it public. If the rav says no, ask the rav what he suggests sadly a lot of rabbanim know what to do. I wish you hatlacha and I hope this boy geta help before hw continues ro ruin himself and others. |
Not all parents of victims want their identities disclosed. Many many cases are brought to police that don't carry through because 1: it is traumatic for victims and they don't want to go through it 2: the burden of proof is great so even I it's been reported to police, the perpetrator is often found ' not guilty' (not innocent just not guilty.
Going to family services and getting orders in place for intervention for these underage perpetrators (who have almost always been abused themselves- either s-xually or physically) might do more long-term help than just 'go to the police'.
Police often don't go public with names either because that will identify the victims. Where I live even guilty perpetrators names are sometimes suppressed in the news to protect the victims.
Not so simple.
But these boys NEED help. The victims (for sure) and the perpetrators too.
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mo5
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 8:31 am
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And I wish it was as simple as going to the police...
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DrMom
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 9:00 am
Reporting to the police isn't the end of it, but it will get the ball rolling, it will get his name on somebody's record so that if someone else (like one of his victims) ever has the brains to report this to the police, his name will already be flagged.
Ultimately, of course, if his victims and their families are more interested in protecting him than themselves, nothing wll happen, and there will be more souls ruined.
How anyone can knowingly stand by and do nothing in the face of such a heinous crime is beyond by comprehension.
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chani8
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 9:09 am
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I've been through all this stuff personally, and I'll put my real life spin on this. There are families who will deal with their kids, getting them the help they need, ensuring that their kids won't hurt others ever again, and there are parents who say, "it was harmless play" and won't do a thing. This latter group must be reported. There is no other way to ensure the safety of other children. As well, it is a chessed to report on them and force that child into therapy, despite any ramifications it could have on his reputation later. Because I assure you a child molester isn't going to have a good rep anyway.
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chani8
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 9:10 am
And one last thing, it's one of the most healing things in the world for a child to report on their abuser and be believed.
The opposite is to see the community react with covering it all up and worrying about the perps.
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amother
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 12:27 pm
| chani8 wrote: | And one last thing, it's one of the most healing things in the world for a child to report on their abuser and be believed.
The opposite is to see the community react with covering it all up and worrying about the perps. |
This is so true. And its also why my entire family turned against me as the perpetrator was a relative (underage). B"H those in the community who knew backed me. But until this day, (it goes back a few years) my relationship with my family is strained-with all except the perpetrator. He got the help he needed and is doing great today. Is even friends with those he hurt as they know he got the help and continues getting therapy to stay well.
(And before you start at me for allowing them near each other, we all have strict guidelines as to how and when that can happen)
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amother
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 12:35 pm
I haven't read through this whole thread so I don't know if this has been suggested already.
If you are in the US then Rabbi Horowitz is the one to get advice from on how to proceed with police etc.. if you are in Israel there is an organisation in Beit Shemesh called Magen-as far as I know they give advice and help on how to deal with this in cooperation with the police and social services.
Please remember:the most important thing in all these cases is protecting children.
Hatzlacha
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imamiri
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 9:12 pm
| greenfire wrote: | look what I found
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I love that video.
BUT. To keep stuff from being swept under the rug, there needs to be a team effort. Community rabbi. Parents. Teachers. Everyone must be on the same page and agree, reporting s-xual abuse and not hiding it is the way to go. And communities need to change their thinking and not ostracize the victims and their families.
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vintagebknyc
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 9:21 pm
while I think this video is fantastic, it worries me that it needed to be made. just how many abuses within our community have been covered, up, and for how long?
I am not naive, not by a long shot. but what exactly happened to make this video get produced in the first palce?
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sourstix
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 9:32 pm
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vintage-its just another one to remind all perps that we are on the outlook. they shouldnt think we for got about it. we are vigilant and looking all the time. I lik e this video
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IMHopinion
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 9:48 pm
| greenfire wrote: | look what I found
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This makes me so sad. But I'm glad there are people standing up to it.
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rosenbal
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Tue, Jul 16 2013, 10:13 pm
| zissy2004 wrote: | | How old is this molester? |
It's really sad if it's a young abuser. He can really get help with intense therapy and become a normal, productive adult. But if he never gets help...? Imagine if c"vsh it was one of our sons, we would want him in intense, serious therapy right away. If this is ignored, it's not just a disservice to the victims but even to the perpetrator.
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chani8
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Wed, Jul 17 2013, 5:28 am
| rosenbal wrote: | | zissy2004 wrote: | | How old is this molester? |
It's really sad if it's a young abuser. He can really get help with intense therapy and become a normal, productive adult. But if he never gets help...? Imagine if c"vsh it was one of our sons, we would want him in intense, serious therapy right away. If this is ignored, it's not just a disservice to the victims but even to the perpetrator. |
The best therapy is to help them deal with their own victim issues. Once they resolve the reason they molest, the less likely they will molest. Unfortunately, the trend in the frum world is to treat young abusers the same way they treat adult offenders.
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