HELP!! 8 yr old son impulsive and angry. DESPERATE FOR HELP!

amother

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 10:50 am

What help do I seek for my son?

bullying siblings physically-emotionally, most of the day
always angry
has to be in control of everything around him, he has to lead or he sulks
extremely defiant and doesnt take bibe or threats at all.
wont take no for an answer - or sulks again and goes crazy from anger
has adhd - auditory processing disorder symptoms but wasnt diagnosed.

in school he does okay, so far no major concerns.

when he has playdates ofcourse he always has to take leads and can get really silly and hyper so a little immature from that concept.

he has a great nature when happy, likes to be helpful, cute, smart, witty and just so sweet!!

for the most part he is so vulnerable I feel like im walking on egg shells when around him.

what what what do I do?? its killing my family life and my sanity.

flowerpower

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 10:54 am

Where do you live? If you live in brooklyn, theres this guy Chain Newhoff. He gives anger management classes and social classes for boys. Maybe you can look into it. Also, getting books on feelings and reading it with him might help him with awareness. Theres a good few books on it in the local judaica store.

amother

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 10:57 am

Your son sounds very much like my son. My son was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder (very commonly misdiagnosed as ADHD or autism) and a few months of therapy has changed our lives.
I would first read the book "the out out of sync child" and see if it matches your son's symptoms.
One thing that has helped him a ton is chewing gum (3 or 4 pieces at once). It helps get out his physical needs on the gum by chewing, rather than on others by hurting.
Good luck

imasinger

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 11:08 am

Parenting classes can be useful even for experienced parents dealing with an extra challenging child. Especially ones that are offered specifically for parents of challenging children. I was glad I did it, and may do a refresher at some point.

amother

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 11:14 am

He had OT for about 6 months. Most of what he did was at a sensory gym. Inquire with your insurance, because I did not have to pay a penny.
A lot of it is also becoming aware of what situations bring on the bad behavior and how to stop it before it happens.
Our therapist spent time with me at the end of each session explaining what she did and how to incorporate things into regular routines at home.
The book I mentioned is really and the author has another book, I forgot what it's called - that has activities for sensory children.

amother

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 11:48 am

Has this been going on? Does your son have any history of strep?
If this has only been going on for a little while, it could be that your son has strep in his blood (aka PANDAS). Different children have different reactions to it. My son also got very agressive and impossible to deal with. Bh my dr diagnosed him correctly right away with strep in his blood. We put him on antibiotics and BH BLI AYIN HARA he is a totally different child.
Before you start treating him with sensory therapy meds for depresSion etc if there is any chance it could be PANDAS you would be doing him as well as yourself and tremendous favor By treating the actual problem and not just the outcomes... You can take a simple blood test to check if his strep levels are high... Definitely give it a try if you think it is a possibility
GooD luck!

amother

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 12:08 pm

op here- im fine with your asking ur questions. were all in this together!

its interesting someone just mentioned pandas. I actually goggled the symptoms shortly before you mentioned to see if it could be strep in blood since he did have numerous bouts of it. can pandas be cured entirely or does the antibiotics just help with the infection.

did your child experience any of the issues my son has and then you recognized it to be pandas?

how do I go about it? take him to pediatrician for a referral?

amother

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 12:14 pm

sorry this thread was starting to get confusing so I'm posting in a new color.

I live out of town but I used to live in queens and there were a few sensory gyms there. I'm sure there must be something like that in Brooklyn.

5*Mom

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 12:21 pm

amother wrote:

You discuss this with your pediatrician. Be aware, however, that not all peds are up to date on PANDAS. If yours pooh-poohs you, seek another ped who is considered an expert on this. The symptoms are caused by the strep infection, so when the abx eradicate the bacteria, the symptoms disappear.

Another suggestion: read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, fill out the ALSUP (you can google it too) for yourself and look for a speech-language pathologist who is familiar with Greene's methods and works with kids on social issues and executive functions, skill by skill. Because barring a dx of PANDAS, he will need skills therapy regardless of a dx.

amother

Tue, Jul 16 2013, 12:55 pm

The medical community is definitely getting more aware of these issues. Dr Susan Shulman in boro park is an expert in PANDAS and I personally use Dr Eilenberg in Lakewood who diagnosed the problem right away. (He actually said it was just strep in the blood BH and not full fledged PANDAS - maybe because we caught it early?)
Take him to your pediatrician and push him to give your son a blood test for strep titres. It can only help you and your son.
Hopefully, if it is caught early enough and the symtpoms do not become learned behaviors you will not need any therapy beexras hashem. And yes, the anti biotics should take care of the whole problem.
My personal experience was once my child got off the medication, the bhaviors came back (which proved to us that the behaviors really were stemming from the strep and not from sensory issues/ADHD etc BH) until we found the right medication. Dr susan shulman is a big proponent of zithromax for this issue and she will many times put patients on zithromax for a few months to make sure the strep doesnt come back.
GOod luck!

Jewishmofm

Sun, Jul 21 2013, 9:44 pm

OP doesn't say if this is ongoing or recent short term. If it's ongoing, definitely get a diagnosis - very similar symptoms in ADD/ADHD, ASD, SPD and a handful of other alphabets. As far as we were concerned with our kids the diagnosis was not a label - we don't use it as such (haven't called it by name to teachers, therapists) it was a start point for "what do we do?" we have some SPD definites, an ASD possible and we have been very successful combining the aformentioned "explosive child" and "out of sync child" books. I also love "the out of sync child has fun" which has easily implemented therapy-dressed-up-as-fun for home. the neighborhood kids love to be invited over to play, we do the wackiest things - and the books spells out some good preparation/clean up tips. another thing we found was that our "need to be in control" kid does NOT need to be in control as long as he realizes somebody is in control That translates into rigid structure and routine for us. We have all benefited from it - and it helped explain why he did so well in school (which is a rigidly structured environment) and not so well at home. I am by nature mrs spontaneity, faster to pull together a ball game in the yard than to make supper, and that has made it an uphill battle, but here we are today, and everyone is calmer for it.

Jewishmofm

Sun, Jul 21 2013, 9:49 pm

just to add: out of sync child is by carol stock kranowitz, who is recognized as a leader in the field of dealing with SPD. her background is not academic - she's a preschool teacher who educated herself so as to help her students, so her books are very practical strategies, without the scientific gobbledygook found elsewhere.