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Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
hadasa
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Thu, Sep 22 2005, 12:30 pm
How can I expect my kids to be honest with me if I lie to them? As other posters have said, I want a relationship based on trust, and that works both ways.
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Motek
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Thu, Jan 18 2007, 10:35 am
R' Nosson Tzvi Finkel, the Alter of Slabodka wrote:
The son of a good family who stole apples from a cart did not become a thief overnight. The deed has its roots in previous generations. Perhaps his very pious grandfather hid behind the bima of the shul in the name of humility, but the act contained a trace of deception (geneivas daas) because he was acting more pious than he really was. His scholarly son went a step further and stole chidushei Torah from other scholars by reciting them in his own name. The grandson, in turn, became an apple thief.
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Imaonwheels
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Thu, Jan 18 2007, 11:53 am
AweSumThenSum wrote: | honesty is not always the best policy. in fact, the torah permits lying when it is for the sake of peace and tznius. |
This is only true after the fact. R' Farkash used the example that if a bill collector calls you cannot tell him that the check is in the mail, hang up and start writing the check. You may, if you know otherwise it will cause an argument, blame yourself instead of who real did or said something.
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redhot
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Thu, Jan 18 2007, 12:03 pm
Motek wrote: | R' Nosson Tzvi Finkel, the Alter of Slabodka wrote:
The son of a good family who stole apples from a cart did not become a thief overnight. The deed has its roots in previous generations. Perhaps his very pious grandfather hid behind the bima of the shul in the name of humility, but the act contained a trace of deception (geneivas daas) because he was acting more pious than he really was. His scholarly son went a step further and stole chidushei Torah from other scholars by reciting them in his own name. The grandson, in turn, became an apple thief.
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that is scary.
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greenfire
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Thu, Jan 18 2007, 12:08 pm
There is absolutely no reason to lie to anyone - that causes trust issues. However if you feel something is vital for a reason - I always find the truth part and explain from that angle. and why lie about trivial matters that mean nothing anyway - is it really worth it?!
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Motek
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Thu, Jan 18 2007, 3:05 pm
The Shaloh Ha'Kadosh advises parents that if they wish to leave an indelible imprint on their children, they should place utmost importance on honesty. The child who is trained to adopt his parents' code of honor, can be trusted to act properly under all circumstances, long after his parents are gone.
The Shaloh relates that when he lived in Yerushalayim he knew a very pious sefardic Jew who wouldn't deviate from the truth for anything in the world. This man told him when he was a small boy his father would shower him with gifts if he would confess his mischievous deeds and admit to the truth. On the other hand, his father would punish him severely for telling a lie.
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