My son wants to be a girl

amother

Mon, Sep 16 2013, 10:05 pm

Op here

I feel much better, thanks to everyone. I feel like my disdain and tension and saying, you can't be the mom bc you're a boy, has probably done damage then. Is there a way to reverse this?

chani8

Mon, Sep 16 2013, 11:24 pm

amother wrote:

Op here

I feel much better, thanks to everyone. I feel like my disdain and tension and saying, you can't be the mom bc you're a boy, has probably done damage then. Is there a way to reverse this?

Just inject some humor into this now, and let him play. Maybe you need some girl toys in the house, like put out your old purse and shoes and let the boys play ima/abba. When my boys were young, they liked those things too.

sunny90

Tue, Sep 17 2013, 5:13 am

My 2 boys (age 2 and almost 4) always ask to put on my makeup because they see me putting it on. My bigger boy liked wearing my tichels. They compliment me (and comment) on my clothes, shoes and jewelry. And make wardrobe suggestions.
I think it's just that seeing as I am their primary caregiver they simply like to imitate me.

Blue jay

Tue, Sep 17 2013, 6:28 am

amother wrote:

What do I do about this? This comes up every day. I don't know what to do. He wants to wear pink, he wants girl stuff, he just says he wants to be a girl. Any kind of game, he wants to be the mom or the girl. I'm fed up and freaked out! Help! He's five.

I would ask him in a curious but not furious tone "why does he want to be "the girl" instead of saying "a girl" Remember this is all really about role playing.

Understanding his reasons, like he wants to be a nurturer or he really likes jewerly or makeup, make some concessions like, get him a watch or buy him a "daddy set" complete with basic baby doll and stroller. Maybe, a new paint set, or have him paint a model car. There are limits, " Boys dont wear makeup, etc but we can do this instead.

My sons were naturually curious about nail polish but it was really the tiny paint brush and the colorful paint that intrigued them the most. I just gently explained that woman wear nail polish and Jewish men do not. I also explained to my daughter that girls do not wear kippot but we get to wear fancy Shabbos dress to shul.

Blue jay

Tue, Sep 17 2013, 6:35 am

I just wanted to add, that often times when kids are at play they give each other roles.My kids always like to be the "babies" like your son always like to be the "ima" or "girl'.

I wouldm't worry too much about this kind of play, However, it would help to understand your sons motivations or just tap into some of the nurturing and sensitive aspects about being an "Abba" and a boy that he might not be aware of.