Is this typical kid-sister behavior?

amother

Mon, Jun 02 2014, 12:20 am

My 1 1/2 year old seems almost dependent on her big sister. By nature, she actually always seemed to have a very independent spirit, very active and lively and definitely has a mind of her own. But lately I've been noticing that she seems very overtaken by her 3 1/2-year-old big sister.
1. When big sis is in school, half of conversations revolve around her. Suppose her name is Rivka - if I say something about home, the baby says "Rika come home? Rika home?" If I say something about later, she says "Rika later!" (I have told her on occasion that we'll go pick up sister later) etc.
2. In the playground, she used to run all around and have a great time, both together with sister and on her own. Lately whenever big sis is out of her immediate vision, she stops playing, turns up her hands like this What

and says "Rika? Rika? Where Rika?" Then gets all excited when she sees her again, only to revert to What

when big sis runs off again. No more playful fun on her own.
3. Slightly different sort of issue, this should really be in preschooler forum because it's the big sis behavior I'm more worried about, big sis keeps asking little sis to give whatever she has, and she always obeys immediately. All big sis needs to say is "I want that" and the toddler will be like, "here ya go!" I think maybe she's a little intimidated or doesn't feel her own right to have possessions because she was born into a home dominated by this former only child spoiled princess. Or is this just normal interactions between kids with this age gap?

Is this typical? How do you encourage a toddler to develop her own identity apart from a somewhat dominating big sister? (I should note that in general big sister is very kind and loving and helpful to toddler. But she also can be pretty bossy and perceives herself to be the leader of the household in some ways.)

tryinghard

Mon, Jun 02 2014, 9:24 am

Numbers 1 and 2 are totally normal - my dc2 idolizes and obsesses over dc1. But issue #3 is more of a discipline/behavior issue with your older daughter - one that should be pretty easy to remedy. When you anticipate that this is going to happen, head her off with praise or possibly a reinforcement for not taking advantage of her sister (however you phrase it).

5*Mom

Mon, Jun 02 2014, 10:01 am

From the way you describe things, it sounds like the beginnings of a wonderful sibling relationship, which you want to encourage. Even concern #3 doesn't sound problematic to me because it doesn't sound like this bothers your younger dd at all right now. If or when it does, you can address it by teaching younger dd that while it is nice to share, it is also perfectly okay to keep some things for herself sometimes and teach her how to say, "No, not this time" or "when I'm finished" or whatever. When your older dd reacts to this (and she will) you can explain that she is allowed to ask for something once, but if dd says no she has to accept that and wait or move on.