Do you give money to relatives?

amother

Wed, Jul 02 2014, 8:50 pm

I completely support my mother for the last 5 years. I never minded it and love to take care of her. I am 29 my mother is 50. I am not working for over a year due to serious health issues. I straggle so much to keep up with endless medical bills and continue to support my mother. I will never say it to her but it would be nice if she could at least do some kind of part time work while I am out of work. The only reason she doesn't work is she doesn't like to work( her words). I know I shouldn't think or feel like this towards her, after all she's my mother and it's my responsibly to support her.

Chayalle

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 10:41 am

freidasima wrote:

Thank you. That's the kind of things we like to do, as I wrote, as long as we can and the Ribono Shel Olam gives us the money to do. My son's living room set is really old, faded and a hand me down from heaven knows where. I told my husband that for the Yomim Tovim we are giving them a new living room set that they can choose...his only comment to me was "Freidasima, just please please make sure they don't choose that expensive leather kind"...I thought, ok, are we runnning out of money? but then he added "because during the summer it is so hot the kids will stick to it and burn themselves sliding off...

FS, I LOVE my leather couch during the summer. It stays cool to the touch and I don't stick to it. It's the most comfortable spot in the house.

amother

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 11:24 am

My in laws don't have means to help, my parents don't have much but try to help out in emergencies.
We unfortunately just don't make it, switched jobs, went to school, got degrees. We just don't have mazel in parnassah. I have some wealthy siblings and siblings in laws and they don't really help at all.
I am embarrassed to take tzedakah from anyone, but sometimes, I wish they would help, they do know the situation.

We have some kids in special situation schools, no way to get subsidized and we can't afford tuition. Anyone who helps siblings in need, I think you are amazing, Tzedakah begins at home, family first.

I have a relative who gets honored by organizations for their donations, sometimes I wish they'd notice the people around them struggling to buy basics, pay food, rent, gas, electric, telephone and tuition.

I wish more people who have money would realize that Hashem plans who will have and who doesn't and some people have mazel and some just don't despite trying very hard. There is a reason for this, the test of wealth vs the test of poverty.

Sorry to get off topic, just applauding anyone who realizes that giving to family can be a very high form of tzedakah, in my opinion.

freidasima

Thu, Jul 03 2014, 2:08 pm

Chayalle it's interesting that you say that. I think that leather stays cool when the house is cool but they have a big glass window right across from the sofa and no curtains (I want to buy them curtains but they don't like them for some reason) so the sun is on the sofa all day long practically! So that's why dh is so afraid it will get hot and the babies will get burned when they lay on it...anyhow I spoke to my DIL and told her to start looking already for something and I will go with her and pay...this just to make sure she doesn't try to get something cheap so as not to spend our money. I do this with her now when I take her shopping, she is always trying to get something cheaper although I see her eye the beautiful stuff so when she isn't looking I get two in different colors and charge it and then give it to her when we go out of the store and her eyes pop out and she doesn't know what to do...this BTW is the DIL that at the beginning it was so difficult with, and since I told my husband that we have to just give them more and more her attitude towards us is so different and so much better...she was really feeling second class compared to the daughters in the family and now she feels so much better about it, like she is now really our daughter and boy did it make a difference to the better....now SHE is the one pushing our son that he doesn't come around enough to us and she is the one pushing to be here for shabbos etc. Wow!

amother

Fri, Jul 04 2014, 5:05 pm

We had a few relatives in Kollel that had unexpected expenses and quickly went into debt. So we offered to help them out for one year.

Our attitude is this: You stay in Kollel when you can, and then you get a job to support your family.

We expected our relatives would figure out that it was time for the man to leave Kollel.

The following year they asked us for more money. We only gave them half of what they wanted, because it wouldn't be in our budget to give them as much as they asked for.

Giving money to relatives isn't always easy.