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Furious at inlaws continued...
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 11 2014, 7:18 am
saw50st8 wrote:
I just started reading up on it. That's very interesting. Its also interesting that a spouse does not have that legal right in france, only children.


I remember something like this, like if there's no plan they can keep the apartment but not sell it-or something. Better have everything on both names, that's for sure.

Btw my dad who is a self made man 100%, cannot even fathom giving to charities and not to kids (or more distant relatives if no kids).

Apart from eccentric celebs, I had no idea some normal people would give to charities over (normal) kids.
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Dawling




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 11 2014, 7:41 am
Wow!
12 pages of responses!
I won't read all of them now so I don't know how the discussion turned but I did want to reply to OP.
I'm in my 30's, married with kids and without much money. My parents couldn't and didn't help me financially.

And I'm so happy they didn't.

They taught me well: I've always been financially responsible, was in debt only for big ticket items like a new car, excellent credit record, and now we're saving for a house. I consider myself privileged. I'm not poor, I'm not miserable.
If I'm blessed to have millions like your FIL, I plan to teach my children the same way. Human beings need to learn responsiblity and independence as they get older and diff parents teach it differently.

On a diff note, I want to say that some of the posters, especially the anonymous ones, sound like they're attacking OP. Onaat Devarim. Be careful. You need to be responsible with money but also with words.
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mother48




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 11 2014, 12:23 pm
Dear OP,

I did not read all 12 pages of this thread, or of the other thread, but I will chime in Smile

While your inlaws technically don't owe you anything, it has got to be hurtful and frustrating for you to see him hand out all this cash and not help you out when you asked. I think it's a normal feeling and reaction. Don't dwell on it. It won't change him but if you do don't give it up it will eat you up and create ill feelings.

You mentioned that he feels he built himself up from scratch and there is against handouts. I think that is your insight to the way he thinks. Right or wrong, that is his thought process.

Hatalacha buying a house and when the right house comes along I'm sure Hashem will make it happen for you
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amother


 

Post Sun, Jul 13 2014, 7:32 am
Op chances are your father in law is a jerk who just wants his name splashed all over the place. Does he give tzedakkah anonymously or only with the whole world knowing. Im sure if you were getting tzedakkah elsewhere and people were talking that so and so's child is not getting a penny from his father your father inane will jump in to save his pride.

He sounds like a wealthy jerk who wil only give if he gets something in response and giving to kids doesn't make your name get any greater so he doesn't give to his kids.

I don't think he's not giving to teach you responsibility I think he's not giving because it doesn't make his name any greater and he would rather save his money to add a wing in a school wih his name on it.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Jul 13 2014, 8:38 am
I grew up in a house where my father was always angry with my grandmother, that she has $ & never gives. it was a bitter relationship,always fighting & we kids grew up seeing this, which ultimately made us not give her proper respect.
when I got married my husband taught me never to expect anything from anyone. it was a hard thing for me, but one which made me grow.
I totally understand (well maybe not totally) where you come from, & I'm not sure how you should handle this, but one thing for sure is that the kids pick up on this & will behave the same way--not respecting elders & expecting $ from family...I have first hand experience from this currently.
as adults we are financially responsible for ourselves. we want something, we should work/save up for it - however long it takes.
Hashem does help (if we deserve it), things have any interesting way of working out.
when you have more kids, all of a sudden your husband gets a raise, or you find a better job.....
if it is too difficult for you to live near him, maybe for your own piece of mind---it might be worth it for you to move. what you don't see, you don't know.
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 13 2014, 10:53 am
Ruchel wrote:

Btw my dad who is a self made man 100%, cannot even fathom giving to charities and not to kids (or more distant relatives if no kids).


Giving to tzedakah in the here and now is not mutually exclusive to giving to children in the future. Giving is also a trust relationship paved with a lot of potential explosions. Each family with the ability to give has to walk through a potential minefield and this family seems no exception. ..The OP mentioned a brother off the derech, her family that cannot manage basic extracurriculars like swimming and expects one side to help with a downpayment (in the Five Towns), and a sister still in high school. It just might not be the time to give to the kids.
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