On the verge of a nervous breakdown over tuition

amother

Mon, Mar 12 2007, 4:02 am

I used to work solely to cover my boys tuition. (I have a 4 yr degree and my paycheck was larger than my husband'.) My husband's paycheck covered out living expenses and 60% of my paycheck went directly to the school. The rest we put into savings to cover camp, vacations, etc.

Two years ago I became disabled and had to leave my job. I was hoping that surgery would allow me to go back to work, but it did not.

We did everything we could think of to cut our bills. We even moved to a cheaper community. We live outside the eruv. We only eat meat on Shabbos. We grow our herbs, fruit and vegetables. We haven't been on vacation in 3 years. I don't have a new sheitel. The only clothes we have purchased in a year came from the thrift store. (These are not complaints, just facts.)

The house we purchased is a fixer-upper and my husband spends every spare moment doing the repairs. We are hoping to sell it next year with a nice enough profit to cover the expenses to send our oldest son to yeshiva.

In the meantime, I am homeschooling. There was no way we could afford the tuition even with the discount they offered.

It was a great undertaking and I don' t take educating my children lightly.

I am up at 4:45 every morning to study for 2 hours, so that I am confident in what I am teaching them. They also study with the Rabbi once a week.

As for socialization, I never believed it was the teacher's job to teach my child how to behave around others. My boys have more social activities now than they did when they were in day school.

I know that not all homeschooled children are well socialized, but neither are all privately schooled children.

Even with all that I do, I wish that I could do more for them, but there is only so much time in the day.

I do look forward to the day that I can send them back to school, but for now, I enjoy the time I have learning with them.

amother

Mon, Mar 12 2007, 4:31 am

amother wrote:

kol hakavod to you amother. you sound like a very thought out motivated and great spirited woman

southernbubby

Mon, Mar 12 2007, 6:30 am

I hope that more families will consider homeschooling. Unfortunately today, a yeshiva education is no guarantee that the child will stay frum. Parents sacrifice (as they have had to do in previous generations) to provide yeshivas for their children but today the stresses of frum life have taken a heavy toll on many families. While homeschooling is not a perfect solution, it may be preferable to fighting with tuition committees, depriving children of having a mother at home, or dealing with schools who care more about money than students.

Marion

Mon, Mar 12 2007, 7:10 am

Motek wrote:

mummyof6 wrote:

after having paid for essentials (food, housing and essential utilities as well as chinuch) will be left with more disposable income than the Israeli family.

Keep in mind:

1) health insurance in the US is astronomical whereas in Israel it's socialized medicine

No, only the basics are covered. You can go to a pediatrician, an OB/GYN or a family doctor for "free", but you pay for everything else. And it's "socialized" by a tax on your pay (3.something percent).

Quote:

2) In Israel, apartments are usually bought as part of the shidduch "package" and the couple does not pay rent or a mortgage. In the US, people spend lots and lots of money every month on housing. The frumer the area, the higher the rents and mortgages. I saw the thread about costs for kollel couples in Israel and the posts about how high the rent is and thought: huh?! that's high?

In N.Y. and L.A. those numbers are a dream!

Really? You mean my inlaws should be paying my mortgage? Or my parents (who are still paying their own?)? Why didn't anybody tell me?

I don't know anybody who pays $100 (420 shekel) a month for school...daycare costs me 1400, and that's considered the low end of average.

Our combined take home salary (after taxes) is about 8000 shekel a month; less than $2000. From that we pay a mortgage (2500 shekel, if you include the mandatory life and building insurance for the bank it's 2800 shekel). Municipal taxes and water, are another 500 shekel, phone is 200 (including internet), long distance is 100, cell phones (a necessity here, I'm afraid) are 200. Our bus passes cost us about 575 shekel, daycare 1400, babysitting for when a neighbour is not available is another 400 a month, extended health insurance another 200, electricity 150, gas 25, cleaning help (a "luxury, but I'm out of the house almost 12 hours a day to work) 480, bank fees 25.

That leaves less than 1000 shekel a month for food. In reality, 400 shekel a month goes to miscellaneous medical (prescriptions, doctors, tests, and pharmacy items/toiletries), so really, we have under $150 to spend on food for a month, or we're overdrawn.

I thank G-d everyday that I will never be paying American tuition. Because if I had to, my kids would be going to public school.

amother

Mon, Mar 12 2007, 11:50 am

amother wrote:

kol hakavod to you amother. you sound like a very thought out motivated and great spirited woman

amother wrote:

you sound like a true Aishes Chayil!

southernbubby wrote:

timeout wrote:

Wow amother after all you've been thru to have the strength to teach your children is amazing.

I hope one day soon oyu will be able to send your kids back to Yeshiva and take care of yourself. See if you can get any scholarships or grants to help with costs.

I wish you much Hatzlocha.

Thank you for such kind words. I don't feel as though I am doing anything "above and beyond". I am just being a good mother. I am doing what needs to be done to give my children what they need. I do it because Hashem entrusted me with the rearing of these wonderful souls.

At this point, I would need a full scholarship to send them to Day School. Also, we had to move to an area with a lower cost of living. The Day School here is not frum. The majority of the students are not Jewish, the dress code is not tznius, the education is substandard. We came here as a temporary solution.

Homeschooling isn't the perfect solution but neither is killing yourself to pay tuition or sending your children to a school that doesn't reinforce the lessons you are teaching at home.

Motek

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 10:02 am

Marion wrote:

No, only the basics are covered. You can go to a pediatrician, an OB/GYN or a family doctor for "free", but you pay for everything else.

Those basics cover a family's usual medical expenses. As for it coming out of your taxes, Americans are taxed unbearably and need to pay over 10,000 in health insurance in addition.

Quote:

Really? You mean my inlaws should be paying my mortgage? Or my parents (who are still paying their own?)? Why didn't anybody tell me?

You're not that naive ... you know good and well that in chareidi circles the apt. is bought. You're not in those circles, it doesn't apply to you, fine. Doesn't change the fact that rents and mortgages in frum areas in the US are astronomical.

Quote:

I don't know anybody who pays $100 (420 shekel) a month for school

ah well, guess you and your circles don't send to chadarim

shalhevet

Thu, Mar 15 2007, 12:41 pm

Motek wrote:

Quote:

I don't know anybody who pays $100 (420 shekel) a month for school

ah well, guess you and your circles don't send to chadarim

Well, you "know" me. Very Happy

You're spot on Motek. That's how much cheder costs here. (But don't forget that's not much less than 10% of our income, and bli ayin haro, we have other children to pay for.)

Marion, day care is very expensive because it is a low ratio of workers to children. Once your son goes to gan (in a year or two) it will be much less.