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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
Chana Miriam S
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Sun, Aug 10 2014, 8:46 pm
shlomitsmum wrote: | my DD now 12 is very pretty K'AH..... so since ever I tell her:
Specially after people tell her she is "stunning" ,I call her pretty and cute when called for but make an effort to notice and mention her good middot so that she internalizes what is most important.
I also say....
Beauty is a blessing and sometimes a test ,and with every blessing there is an expectation .....eg: wealthy should give more tzedakah.
" the most important is Inner beauty ,It last's forever" "you are blessed on the outside ,so you must guard your inside" (yup , my own maternal wisdom one liners ....LOL well, maybe not the first one)
Or I also say.... "make sure your nechama matches your hair and face luv" as she gets ready in the morning for school.
She has mean girls in her class and sometimes feels tempted to be catty back.... so I'm constantly stressing the "Inner beauty part" when I hear ,"I should have tould so and so she was being a cow" ....LOL
Girls are fun let me tell ya...
Beauty is a form of power and with power comes great responsibility ,you can use it for good and grow to be tzanua and a kiddush Hashem or Has v' shalom a stumbling block for others . |
her mama is beautiful on the inside and outside with many examples of great middot and true caring for people. I am guessing by hpw beautifu and sensitive your 18 yo is, 12 should follow right along!
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FranticFrummie
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Sun, Aug 10 2014, 9:14 pm
When DD was younger, I made it a point to compliment OTHER little girls, especially if they didn't look anything like DD. I wanted her to know that there is not one beauty standard. You can find something beautiful about anybody, if you look. A well pulled together outfit, neatly done braids, admiring how a certain color contrasts with a certain skin tone.
You may feel that she is too young for you to say anything directly to her, but she is watching your behavior. You have to model that ALL of Hashem's children have beauty, if you just have the eyes to see it.
In addition, you can praise examples of other kids being kind, gentle, and using problem solving skills. If your child says "Please" say something like "Thank you for asking so nicely! I love it when you use your manners." Lots of praise for positive actions will naturally counter the effects of praise for physical appearance.
When DD was a bit older, I asked her "When you die, what do you want written on your headstone? She was the smartest girl, she was the prettiest girl, or she was the kindest girl?" DD said "Duh, mom! The kindest, of course!"
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Bruria
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Sun, Aug 10 2014, 11:28 pm
She is 4, so even if she hears that from everyone she still needs to hear that from her parents as well.
Don't worry, just remind her it's a bracha she received from Hashem, a gift that should be valued, and it doesn't mean that Hashem prefers someone that is beautiful over others, just each person receives different brachot.
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33055
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Sun, Aug 10 2014, 11:46 pm
Bruria wrote: | She is 4, so even if she hears that from everyone she still needs to hear that from her parents as well.
Don't worry, just remind her it's a bracha she received from Hashem, a gift that should be valued, and it doesn't mean that Hashem prefers someone that is beautiful over others, just each person receives different brachot. |
She's 9 now the thread is 5 years old.
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