Israel wedding gift -how much cash

freidasima

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 12:26 pm

Sang I'm not following you. Where exactly do you claim that I "changed my story"? Can you please point out precisely what you mean in detail? What do you mean by your claim that maybe I have been to more weddings? Details? Explain!

Maybe you think that the "I don't agree" that I began with was addressed to the OP? It was not. It was addressed to Chani above my post who said that singles can give 100 shekel. I don't agree with that as I stated. The "It depends on the society" has to do with the concept of how much money to give. In some societies one has to do much more than cover. In others one only has to cover. And in the charedi circles one doesn't even cover. We are DL/MO and don't have a wedding a week and no one in my world gives 100 for a single. Today they also give 400 for a couple and those giving 300 are considered real cheapskates. Again, we don't have 10 kids in most familes...

So where exactly did I change my story and from what to what? Details my dear once you accuse of something...

amother

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 12:42 pm

mommy2b2c wrote:

Maybe you associate with fancier people then I do. I assure you thats not the norm.

No, we are not fancy people. I said most couples who gave cash gave at least $150. But we also got a lot of gifts (items, not cash) worth less.
Couples who gave $50 either didnt come to the wedding or just came to the shmorg/ dancing.
Most single friends (and newlyweds) gave $18-54

Where do you live that $50/ couple is not considered cheap?

Sanguine

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 1:33 pm

freidasima wrote:

So where exactly did I change my story and from what to what? Details my dear once you accuse of something...

I'm referring to a different thread where you said the gift is to pay for the wedding and weddings cost 300 shekel per plate so you give 600 shekel wedding presents. That's the way it's done... Give me a few minutes and I'll find it.

freidasima

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 2:19 pm

Sang read carefully!

On that thread I said that SOME weddings (let's say in the upper part of our circle) costs 300 shekel a plate and that's what we give to THOSE weddings. That is also the going chiloni rate for most weddings these days because they also have very few weddings and give much bigger gifts of money than the religious do who have many more weddings and make them cheaper.

But I did not refer to those kinds of weddings in my post here because I was answering a specific question of the OP regarding how much to give to her neice, and responding to Chani right above me about the 100 shekel for a single....as for the expensive gift weddings, I have my doubts that's the kind of circle that the OP is talking about (large company CEOs, big government officials, such as ministers, get the picture?) unless her neice is either part of the government, a University president, a hospital director etc....

In the average DL Israeli upper middle class today the going rate is 400 shekel a couple minimum which is what I was referring to here.

Capish? all clear now?

Sanguine

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 2:39 pm

Don't have the thread but I don't agree that guests should cover their plate. (I feel my gift is for the couple - If they use it to pay for the wedding that's their business) - And I certainly don't feel that if someone made a fancier wedding to show off to his guests (or whatever reason) I should contribute more since the host wanted a showier wedding. I'm invited as a guest, not to help support the hosts needs to show people he's higher class. From that thread I just remember your insisting that guests have to cover costs whatever they are and you saying that most weddings cost you 600 shekel. I've been to many weddings but only one cost 600 shekel and that was cause the host was showing off (I was there from the other side). I remember my shock that you thought 600 shekel for a couple was standard. (and I gave my standard gift even though the host spent more)

skcomputer

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 6:47 pm

op here - thank you all!

This is very helpful. My father in law told me that the cash gifts will be going to defray the cost of the wedding and that if I wanted the couple to have gift I should buy something in Israel with the bride or shop in the US and carry it. Of those two options, my niece will decide what she wants. No comment on the cash gifts going to the wedding costs. That's how it is done so it is fine with me.

This is a somewhat special circumstance since the the bride (my niece) just lost her mother after a long illness and we want her to feel special at this bittersweet time. I would like our presence to be cost neutral to my brother in law, so I want to cover our costs, but I don't want to pay for the whole shebang.

Last, money is not really an issue for us (the aunt and uncle). Based on the families, I think the wedding will be middle of the road - not expensive and not cheap.

Peanut2

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 9:00 pm

From my experience at my wedding and other weddings - we got 200 per person from families. So if it's a family of 5 they gave 1000. Couples, especially older couples, family, etc. gave more like 600 a couple.

People who are more chiloni give more from my experience, and Israelis give more than Americans/Canadian (and I won't talk about the South Africans...)

The closer you are to the couple the more you give, too. And it varies, so our secular Tel Aviv (and older - my parents age) friends give at least $100 per person.

Anyway, if you can afford to give then give. People will always appreciate it. If money isn't an issue for you than more than 600 IMO.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Sep 23 2014, 9:22 pm

amother wrote:

I live in New York. And I am not cheap or simple and neither are most people who came to my wedding. And my wedding was more to the fancy side.

amother

Wed, Sep 24 2014, 12:47 am

mommy2b2c wrote:

I live in New York. And I am not cheap or simple and neither are most people who came to my wedding. And my wedding was more to the fancy side.

Most local people who came to my wedding didn't give anything. Giving wedding gifts isn't done in certain circles.