working on your middos

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Forum -> Interesting Discussions -> Inspirational

Working on your middos

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amother

Sun, Mar 25 2007, 3:45 pm

Do you ever stop and say:I want to become a better person?I want to work on my middos?
If yes-how do you do it?

Ima'la

Sun, Mar 25 2007, 5:34 pm

Aaarrgghh - I know what you mean. In some ways it's easier (for example) to start keeping Shabbos or wearing skirts - it's so concrete - either you do turn lights on and off on Shabbos, or you don't. Either you wear pants or you don't. Middos are so much more nebulous - with all the desire in the world, sometimes I just don't know where to start. They tell you take one small step at a time - but how do you find a concrete step to take?

greenfire

Sun, Mar 25 2007, 6:00 pm

You think of what it is that leads you to a certain temperment and start backwards ... like if you get angry and yell a lot ... what do you do just before you yell - grit your teeth , hold a fist, pace back and forth, sweat, - then stop before you yell , next stop before you grit teeth, & keep going back until you know what triggers ...

try with loshon hara at what point do you talk w/o thinking and go beyond normal talking ...

creativemom

Sun, Mar 25 2007, 6:00 pm

Well, lets brain storm.
I think one easy way to start is by complimenting someone.

amother

Sun, Mar 25 2007, 7:36 pm

I try and go to my room to relax before I let it out on my husband!

amother

Sun, Mar 25 2007, 8:00 pm

I heard a story from Rabbi Manis Freidman, which I am going to get the details a little wrong... but it was something like this...
There was a young woman who was discusted with herself bec she was just a "rotten" person. Finally she went to the Rebbe and the Rebbe gave her a simple answer. (Something like) so start being kind!
She walked away humiliated with herself bec she realized that she was looking for something so profound, so deep and instead she got something so simple! Start being good, start being kind....
All you have to do is a simple act of kindness and ...walah! Your being kind!

Squash

Sun, Mar 25 2007, 8:30 pm

amother wrote:

I try and go to my room to relax before I let it out on my husband!

That's a good one.

I also daven and say "H-shem, please help me stay calm. Please help me stay calm. Please help me stay calm. And please make this not turn into a major issue." Over and over again.

I do this whenever I remember to, be it with my kids or with dh.

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