What is the proper etiquette here? I have no idea.

amother

Fri, Nov 14 2014, 7:47 am

I am in Israel if that makes a difference.

My firsrt child is up to play dates that they can almost make themselves. Sometimes my DC wants to play at someone else's house. I always feel awfful when DC calls up friend and says "hi, this is so and so, can I come play". Is that ok? Not ok? And is it any different (better or worse even) if myself or DH asks the question?
I just feel so weird with DC calling and asking to play by someone else and not inviting the friends back to our home. Does that make any sense? Or am I completely overreacting. I feel like the other parents must feel like we are trying to get babysitters for one of our children.

What do you all think? This DC is almost 7.

greenfire

Fri, Nov 14 2014, 7:57 am

I think it's great that your kid has the ability to ask for him/herself ... that being said as the parent you should make sure that it's okay with the other kid's parent as well

and then tell the kid in question to reciprocate the invitation every now & again

greenfire

Fri, Nov 14 2014, 8:23 am

someplace other than your house ? sounds more frightening than corny ... that family should do the asking ... because people want to know whom their kids are with

heidi

Fri, Nov 14 2014, 8:52 am

I have lived in Israel for almost a decade and am still not used to Israeli mothers and children calling and asking to come to our house to play. I find it tacky and offensive. That said, I understand that this is the culture I am now living in.
I don't allow my children to invite themselves to other people's houses, however they are the rare exception and probably suffer from my inflexibility.
I think you should post this on the only in Israel section bcz. it is so clearly a cultural issue.

Peanut2

Fri, Nov 14 2014, 9:34 am

In most places in Israel AFAIk this is totally acceptable. In some places it's acceptable to just show up at someone's home. If it's not good they will tell you.

Maybe ask where you live?

But I think in Israel it's generally fine. If you live in a very Anglo area I am less sure, so ask.

Simple1

Fri, Nov 14 2014, 9:46 am

It really depends. I prefer my kids to invite the other kid over and often it will be reciprocated. It might be OK in some cases for the kid to invite himself - if you're close to these people and know they'd be happy to have him over, or if once in a while if you need a favor.

If it's a neighbor, it's common where I live for neighbors to knock on each other's doors and figure out at who's house they'll play. There's no pressure because you can always send them home because they're neighbors.

But I see others posted that it's the norm in Israel, so maybe it's cultural. I live in the USA.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Nov 14 2014, 12:00 pm

I'm in the US, and it sounds OK to me. DD and her friends go to whichever house has the toys that they need for that day's game. One girl has more board games, one has better dolls, one has a treehouse fort in the back yard, etc. My house is for art projects.

The girls tend to come and go as they please, as long as I know which house DD is at. She's very good at checking in if she's going to switch locations. I'm fine with telling drop ins when it's a bad time to have company over. I do it sweetly and tell them that I'm sorry it's not a good time, and I'd love to have them over later.

Overall, I'm pretty laid back about the whole thing. I guess that main difference is that DD is 11, and her friends don't expect me to feed them, entertain them, or get stuff for them. They're pretty self sufficient, so I can just get on with whatever I need to do. I'm just happy that DD has a busy social life, and feels confident to handle it on her own.

m in Israel

Sat, Nov 15 2014, 11:30 am

Yes, this was a bit of a culture shock to me, too, but I also find that it is completely acceptable. Often my 5 year old will come home from gan with plans to go to a certain kids house -- they discuss it in gan and decide where to go Confused

. When that happens I will call the mother and say something like "it seems the boys discussed in gan that they would like to get together at your house. Is today good for you?" and sometimes even add something like "of course if you'd prefer they could come here instead" which at least feels less pushy to me. But we've gotten plenty of calls of kids inviting themselves over, and even some of those knocks on the door without a call in advance. . .

etky

Sat, Nov 15 2014, 11:45 am

DrMom wrote:

What heidi said.

Same here. Though my kids are way beyond 'play dates' now, I'll never forget my shock the first time DS got such a phone call from a friend.
I never allowed my kids to phone a friend and ask to come over. I would have them frame it as ' do you want to play?" and then have them discuss where they would want to meet, with the option of our home always presented.
That said - it is totally accepted here. I just couldn't get past my Anglo upbringing.
Truth is I was lucky because my kids' friends always lived really close and they generally just knocked on each others doors and then 'migrated' from one house to another so there was usually no real need for formalities such as phone calls.

Ruchel

Sat, Nov 15 2014, 12:28 pm

If I child called to be invited, I would ask to speak to the parents and ask what's up, if he was allowed to take the phone, if it's a real thing... and let them know I like to organize it, and not on the very day like this. Cultural.

Shopmiami49

Sat, Nov 15 2014, 1:34 pm

I let my kids call their friends to invite them to us and then I always ask to speak to the mother afterwards to confirm it's ok. If the kid prefers my kid to go there, I ask the mother after her child has already been invited to us.