Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Being taken for granted



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother


 

Post Fri, Nov 14 2014, 10:03 am
I occasionally do graphics projects for a family member - at no charge. She recently opened a new business and I really want to help her out.

I don't officially work in this field, but I've done it in the past for others and it's nice pay. But I know she's struggling so I do it as a chesed. But what she doesn't realize is how much time and mental energy it takes. Especially when she keeps making changes "could you just add this, delete that, change the other".... She does keep praising and thanking me, but still. And I'm so busy as is, that these little requests are not so little.

I feel like, you're getting this for free - please don't be so critical. And I don't expect her to know how much work really goes into it because she's never done it herself. I think people tend to think that graphic artists have some magic machine that can create your imagination with the flick of a button.

How do I tell her that I feel taken for granted? She's going through a hard time as is, and I don't want to add more hurt. And she's a nice person; she would never want to upset me. But she needs to know, because I'm too emotionally overwhelmed to continue.

I need to find a way for it to work for both of us.
Back to top

kb




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 14 2014, 10:54 am
I usually charge $x an hour. I really want to do this for you without charging because you're my friend and I want to help you out. But I can't give you an unlimited gift. I'll make you the xyz that you want, but if I need to spend too much time on changes I'm going to have to start charging hourly even though I really don't want to. I'll give you a heads up if things get out of hand.
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 14 2014, 2:43 pm
I'm sure you are right, and she has no idea what each "could you just" entails. And, who knows, maybe some of it actually is a no-brainer for you. She won't know enough to judge.

Consider it a compliment that she thinks you are so good that you can just do this like magic.

And then, call her -- asap -- and gently take her through what you do behind the scenes of each small request, and the time it takes. Let her know that what you were offering for free was the initial setup, and from now on, any additional changes will cost professional fees. Tell her what those fees are.

She will likely apologize profusely and feel bad.

That's OK. You want her to stop doing this.

Tell her that you are sorry you didn't explain sooner, and you are happy to have helped her get started.
Back to top

Shopmiami49




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 15 2014, 1:41 pm
If you never mentioned it to her before in the past, I don't think it's right to do so now in the middle of a project. It is obviously more inconvenient for you this way to have to put in more than what you think you can, but it is something that should be cleared before the start of something - not in the middle. By doing so in the middle, you are leaving her with no choice but to fork over money that she may not have been counting on spending.

That said, I would DEFINITELY have a clear discussion with her after this project and BEFORE the next project you may help out with. Think about it before hand and about what your limits are and what and how much you are comfortable doing as a chessed. And make sure she knows it too.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sat, Nov 15 2014, 2:33 pm
Woah. Are you me?

I do, am doing graphics on the side and started off offering services to family members for free. It was ok for a while, until it got totally out of control and I was working hours and hours (and on the phone at 1am) all for free! She kept asking for an invoice, so I sent one- with drastically reduced prices. She was shocked. After that I put my foot down. I sent her an email explaining that I loved doing her work (I really did) and it was incredible experience, but I now need to know that I will be getting paid for it. She totally understood.

And guess what? I've barely heard a word from her since...
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 16 2014, 2:53 pm
Wife of one GA, mom of another here, and boy do I know what you're talking about!

You have to state the facts simply and clearly:

Dear sil or whatever: graphic design is work. That flyer I did for your grand opening took fifteen hours, yes hours to think of, design and perfect. I would have charged a good client $X for it, but I did it for you for free. I'm happy to help you out, but you seem to think it's nothing for me, I just wave my magic wand and it appears on the screen. This is completely untrue. I put a lot of time into it, much more than you realize, and when you make constant changes and additions, it also costs me time. I realize you have no idea what goes into it and so you've felt free to criticize and make constant changes and ask me for more and more work. It was partly my fault for not making it clear at the outset that this is not just fun and games for me, but actual work.

Well, now I'm coming clean. I feel taken advantage of and taken for granted. I'm sorry, but I can't keep doing this for you any more. I have a parnassa to make and a life to live and doing this chessed for you is taking too much of my time and energy. I can refer you to another graphic designer who will charge you the going rate, or, if you like, we can make this a business deal and I will charge you for my work as I would charge any businessperson. The work I did for you until now is my gift to you, but it can't be and was never meant to be "the gift that keeps on giving."

Hatzlacha in your new business and let me know if you want a referral or if you want my list of charges.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 16 2014, 6:12 pm
Don't feel bad for asking for payment when it is your parnasa. People have no idea what they are asking for. An example in my life is I design fancy artistic chasuna monograms by hand, generally for free for close family only, as it is my hobby, not my parnasa. It takes me maybe 25 hours per monograph, I have to come up with an idea, review it with the couple, design some different drafts, review again, draw the finished product, review again, change some details, review, etc etc. Sometimes the final version will be the 6th or 7th design or revision, kallahs can be extremely pernickety about the tiny details. LOL

I do it out of enjoyment and it is a labour of love, but I would never do it unpaid for anyone I am not very close to as it is a lot of hard work and takes hours spread over several weeks. I have been asked, but told them a price which is comparable to other similar artists, because it is not an easy quick sketch and in order to dedicate time, I need some kind of compensation, whether it is in the relationship with close family or financial (I give the money to tzadakah but it is important that people appreciate the value of what you are doing for them).

It is not like picking something up from the store, or babysitting, or loaning something, this is creative and time consuming, and deserves appreciation, whether a gift, financial or exchange of service.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 16 2014, 6:23 pm
OP here.

This is not my main source of income. I'm good at graphics, but I don't officially do it. I do it for myself, randomly for others. And I don't even know the going prices for every specific project, so I can't tell her "I charge x amount usually". When I've done it in the past, I was offered a certain amount - and either accepted or negotiated.

Also, it's not one project I'm in the middle of. It's an opening flyer here, announcement there, ads every season etc.

And - she's been nice to me when I needed her. As a teen I would sometimes crash at her house, she went shopping with me... She's done some other nice chesed for me. I don't want her to feel like I don't appreciate and am not being there for her when she needs me to reciprocate a chesed. But what are the limits?
Back to top

zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 16 2014, 7:11 pm
If this person has done a lot for you, only you can determine at what point your moral debt to her is paid. You might want decide that X hours will do it, and if you have worked on her projects X hours already, you're even Steven. Or you might tell her you're willing to give her 2 hours a month or what have you, and no more. But knowing what people are like, you are probably best off stopping cold turkey, because 2 hours will never be 2 hours, there will always be "just this little change, just that little tweak." But again, if she does chassadim for you, one hand washes the other.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Have you ever taken any weight loss supplements?
by amother
1 Tue, Feb 27 2024, 9:26 pm View last post
DD is very flat chested and all clothing need to be taken in
by amother
19 Wed, Sep 20 2023, 5:36 pm View last post
DD9 gets taken out of class for extra help during the lesson
by amother
16 Thu, Aug 31 2023, 10:16 pm View last post
What’s the best underrated vacation you have taken?
by amother
34 Fri, Aug 25 2023, 10:05 am View last post
GED Test: Has your child taken it?
by amother
0 Sat, May 13 2023, 9:33 pm View last post