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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Consequences for Misbehavior in School



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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 04 2014, 8:12 pm
Please answer fast.

I received an email from a teacher that my child, along with several other children, was disruptive in a class today. My child had been disruptive in the early part of the year, but the teacher did not bother to alert us. Child had corrected the behavior and was doing well until today.

ETA -- child is 17 year old high school senior.

Do you discipline child at home, in addition to any school discipline? Child tells me that I'm the only one who takes it seriously and the only one who imposes consequences. I am a terrible parent. Etc.

Just checking myself here.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 04 2014, 8:21 pm
disruptive is not the most descriptive word, now is it? contact the teacher, ask for clarification on what actually happened. ask what the teacher recommends you do.

I do find it odd that the teacher emailed the parents about a 17 yr old. that doesn't say much about the teacher, unless it was something serious. being disruptive is not necessarily a serious offense that needs to be taken to the parents. if it is something more serious, arrange a meeting with the teacher and the principal to come up with an appropriate consequence (if you can't figure one out on your own).
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 04 2014, 8:22 pm
I don't have teenagers, but I think it would depend on how bad the disruption was. Was it a short and sweet one time thing, was it spread out over the entire period, was the teacher able to teach what needed to be taught? Also it depends what the school punishment was, if there was one.
In general, you are a terrible parent and of course you're the only one who takes things seriously!!! She wishes she could get a new mother, like....yesterday!!!
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Bruria




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 04 2014, 8:22 pm
Before you do anything, ask him exactly what happened, if he really was part of it and then you can determine how you'll deal with this. Also, take into consideration if your child was making an effort or not.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 04 2014, 8:23 pm
mummiedearest wrote:
disruptive is not the most descriptive word, now is it? contact the teacher, ask for clarification on what actually happened. ask what the teacher recommends you do.

I do find it odd that the teacher emailed the parents about a 17 yr old. that doesn't say much about the teacher, unless it was something serious. being disruptive is not necessarily a serious offense that needs to be taken to the parents. if it is something more serious, arrange a meeting with the teacher and the principal to come up with an appropriate consequence (if you can't figure one out on your own).


There were about 10 kids involved, and he didn't want to have to spend time detailing what the kids could tell the parents. Basically, as I understand it, the kids were talking to one another in a manner that made it impossible to teach.

And no, he's not a very good teacher.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 04 2014, 8:24 pm
eema of 3 wrote:
I don't have teenagers, but I think it would depend on how bad the disruption was. Was it a short and sweet one time thing, was it spread out over the entire period, was the teacher able to teach what needed to be taught? Also it depends what the school punishment was, if there was one.
In general, you are a terrible parent and of course you're the only one who takes things seriously!!! She wishes she could get a new mother, like....yesterday!!!


Actually, child tell me s/he can't wait to put me in a home, the worst one s/he can find.
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vintagebknyc




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 04 2014, 8:28 pm
Bruria wrote:
Before you do anything, ask him exactly what happened, if he really was part of it and then you can determine how you'll deal with this. Also, take into consideration if your child was making an effort or not.


this. you can't accuse your child of anything till you know what happened.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 04 2014, 8:29 pm
I think it was the teacher's job to send the kids to the principal's office. if they didn't go, he should have called the office and notified them that the kids in question were being sent down. he also has the ability to mark the kids absent, which would make the kids eligible for whatever disciplinary measure the school takes for kids who cut class. there are a number of ways he could have addressed this, emailing parents is like a five-year-old saying, "I'm gonna tell your mommy on you!"

if you think it will have any effect, talk to your kid about his behavior. and let him know that if you get another such report in the future, he will face specific consequences.
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acccdac




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 04 2014, 8:34 pm
as a teacher in the local elementary school that the community sends to.....

I look at my students and I think to myself "I hope my own kids dont behave the way they do, because if they did I would be MORTIFIED!!!!!"

To me as the parent I would not be worried about giving a consequence to my child for misbehaving in class. I would be worried that I have 1 year left to properly raise my child who is behaving rude to another human being. (some may say that I am being too harsh or taking this to extremes but I'm in the classroom with your children and if you only knew all the things your child does that we DO NOT tell you, you would be embarrassed to see me at dismissal time). To me a 17 year old should know that causing someone, jewish or not, any bit of Agmas Nefesh is a sin just like eating a cheeseburger is a sin. To me I would rather be in the company of a cheeseburger, tanktop, pants wearing person who is polite than some of the students that I come across in our Bais Yaakov system.

Many times I have left my day at work and called my dh saying "I want to quit". There are some students who make me doubt my abilities as a teacher. (If you were to ask anyone who has observed me or hired me or previous students they would say I am one of their best teachers)

I have heard of high school girls throwing thing across the room at a teacher, purposely calling a teacher by the wrong name because it sounds like another word, etc.

That is what the children of Israel are doing.

The only solace I get from my difficult chuptzadik students is that it says Moshiach will come when Chutzpa is at an all time high.
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Clarissa




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 04 2014, 9:41 pm
amother wrote:
There were about 10 kids involved, and he didn't want to have to spend time detailing what the kids could tell the parents. Basically, as I understand it, the kids were talking to one another in a manner that made it impossible to teach.

And no, he's not a very good teacher.
If my kid did that there would be consequences at home. I wouldn’t tolerate my child being rude or disrespectful in school and making a teacher’s job impossible.
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shanie5




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 06 2014, 11:47 pm
Clarissa wrote:
If my kid did that there would be consequences at home. I wouldn’t tolerate my child being rude or disrespectful in school and making a teacher’s job impossible.


Me too! I don't care how many other kids were misbehaving or how many of their parents gave them consequences at home. If the teacher felt it important enough to inform me, then my child will know how wrong I honk they are, and will have have to suffer the results of their actions.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 12:12 am
For those who would punish at home, what do you think would be an appropriate punishment?

I've been reading Parenting Your Teen with Love and Logic, and they recommend letting older kids face the natural consequences of their action. In this case, it is the school's responsibility to keep the kids in line.

If the child is given detention, extra homework, or a bad grade, then they are already being dealt the appropriate consequences. Getting mad and yelling is only going to alienate you further from your child.

When you are calm, try asking your child WHY they were misbehaving, and what they were getting out of it. Ask them what they want for their future, and how their behavior can impact their grades further on down the line.

Basically, teach them to be responsible for themselves, and don't get too involved. If the child succeeds in getting you all upset, then they have succeeded in getting even MORE attention for bad behavior, and that can just reinforce it.

If the school specifically asks you to deal with it at home, ask them for concrete examples of what they have in mind, and then discuss it with your child.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 3:51 am
If you do not have a good relationship worth your child, don't do anything. Maybe tell him about the call and talk about what happened together with no punishment, he's old enough to take the consequences and the school should figure out how to take care of talking in class.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 2:41 pm
Clarissa wrote:
If my kid did that there would be consequences at home. I wouldn’t tolerate my child being rude or disrespectful in school and making a teacher’s job impossible.


Full story, as I now understand it.

Class had double period of the subject. First period was an exam. The kids then left to daven mincha. They got back well before the teacher, and started playing a quiz game on a computer while waiting for him. When the teacher returned, he started playing the game with the students. Since it was the last period of the day, and after an exam, they figured that he was giving them a break. Teacher, however, stopped playing about halfway through the class, and demanded that the students immediately stop playing. They didn't.

As I said, this is a teacher with very poor classroom management skills who doesn't "get it." On another occasion, a couple of years ago, he gave the students a free period, but then assessed a "cut" against my son for staying out of the class too long when he went to photocopy some notes. My son appealed, on the grounds that I would discipline him harshly for that. When I met at the beginning of the year, he said, "oh, yes, your the one whose son is afraid of you because you actually discipline him for cutting classes." Which was just plain weird.

So I think the teacher was dead wrong. He should never have played with the kids, then expected them to stop. Or at the very least, he should have said, "OK, I'll give you 5 minutes, then back to work." He didn't.

Which doesn't make the students right.

I told DS that given the whole story, he doesn't deserve the harsh discipline I originally imposed, but I did impose a less harsh measure, with a draconian penalty if it happens again.

And as far as I know, there are no school consequences. I think the teacher is afraid of contacting the administration, as it has become abundantly clear that he cannot control a classroom.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 3:58 pm
Why do you have to punish him -or even think about it for a teacher's bad management? This teacher could be an inside joke between you and your kid. Instead your first reaction is do I punish him?!?
He did nothing wrong at all. How can he be careful next time, read the teacher's mind?
Since the poor teacher can't control the class, he's relying on you to do the discipline?
I understand why your child doesn't have a great relationship with you, he needs love, care, confidence.
NOT harsh discipline.

Listen to franticfrummie.
He's nearly an adult. In a year this just won't go, will you continue worth your discipline until he's 30?
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 4:06 pm
amother wrote:
Why do you have to punish him -or even think about it for a teacher's bad management? This teacher could be an inside joke between you and your kid. Instead your first reaction is do I punish him?!?
He did nothing wrong at all. How can he be careful next time, read the teacher's mind?
Since the poor teacher can't control the class, he's relying on you to do the discipline?
I understand why your child doesn't have a great relationship with you, he needs love, care, confidence.
NOT harsh discipline.

Listen to franticfrummie.
He's nearly an adult. In a year this just won't go, will you continue worth your discipline until he's 30?


I wonder where you get the idea that we don't have a good relationship. Our relationship is pretty good.

No matter how bad this teacher is, he's no joke. He's a teacher.
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