How will we afford our baby?!?!

amother

Tue, Apr 10 2007, 6:42 am

I'm due with my first in a few months, IYH, and DH and I are really worried about our financial situation. BH, we live comfortably now, but certainly not more than that. We have everything we need and don't struggle to pay the bills, and any extra money we have each month we put into saving to buy a house.

But what will we do once the baby is born? Like I said, we do just fine now financially with my salary to supplement DH's. But for various reasons which I won't explain here, I will be leaving my job before the birth and will not receive a maternity leave salary.

I also know that I will NOT want to go back to work when the baby is only a few months old. I will want to stay at home with him/her as my mother did with me. I am starting to think about creative at-home employment opportunities I can create for myself, but nothing is certain at this point.

So HOW do people do it? And as I said, we live comfortably now, BH. It's not like we can't pay the bills even before the baby!

And what are the major expenses we should expect? Crib, stroller? How much do they cost? Does anyone know approx how much it costs per month or year for someone who uses cloth diapers?

HELP!

shalhevet

Tue, Apr 10 2007, 8:04 am

What you need to do is to sit down with dh and decide where your priorities lie. You can't have everything! If you decide to be a SAHM it might mean scrimping and saving and taking a cut in your standard of living. Maybe not buying some of the things you now take for granted. Maybe you will decide that you prefer to work and have more income. Do you mind your baby wearing second hand clothes and not having all the latest toys, or do you think going to work is worth it so that he will have 'only the best'? All these things are up to you to weigh up.
Other possibilities are part-time work and/or working from home. You might also consider becoming a 'metapelet' - caring for another baby at home as well as your own, although you will not earn that much, but at least it will be something and you will have your own baby with you.

mimivan

Tue, Apr 10 2007, 10:58 am

If you are living in Israel OP (gathered that from the fact you posted today) you can find a gemach for almost everything under the sun! Baby clothes, strollers etc...

I find the attachment parenting lifestyle (breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping) to be very good for the budget conscious as well as good for the baby. I bought a carrier for about $50, and just wore my baby for the first few months instead of using a stroller (if you are due in a few months, you can pm me and I will let you borrow it iy'h...because in a few months, my baby will be too big for it). I could also lend you some baby clothes. I don't have a ton, because I borrowed myself (both times!) but I have some things.

Breastfeeding means no spending money on formula (which can cost you around $1,000 per year!). Try cloth diapers (if you are brave) and this will save you money. Don't worry, Hashem sends parnassa along with the baby. My husband was in collel with our first and I had a part-time metapelet job. We were bringing in only around 3,000 shekel a month but b'h we made it. (and my husband found a small part-time job right after the baby was born b'h).
B'hatzlacha, and be in touch! I'd be happy to help out.

Although I would say the metapelet idea sounds terrific, since this is your first baby, maybe it is not so great for you. I'd try it only as a very last resort (I'd do it now, but I just couldn't imagine trying to be a metapelet as a new mom while watching my own. Especially with breastfeeding).

Contrary to popular belief, at least IMHO, babies don't need toys until around 5 months. And even then, it can be a simple and cheap thing.

mimivan

Tue, Apr 10 2007, 12:07 pm

Oh, and I forgot to add, if you are comfortable with the idea of co-sleeping (there are discussions about co-sleeping in the natural parenting forum) you will not need a crib. You can either put an attachment to the side of your bed to keep the baby from rolling out, or sleep on a huge mattress on the floor pushed to the wall with the baby on the wall side (what we did the first year)...

withhumor

Tue, Apr 10 2007, 10:00 pm

Amother, relax, and by that I mean totally, have some chocolate! Having a baby is actually an easy thing. Suddenly, people come crawling form all the corners of the earth with presents and luckily, people got smarter these days and they give you a gift receipt so you can exchange it if you need to, for a more appropriate size or for something that you need for sure. Regarding a crib and a stroller, you don’t have to buy anything the first hour. In fact, in the first 2 days you don’t need a thing because the hospital provides, plus they send you home with stuff to last a good few days! Mother Nature takes care of little infants. Technically, the baby needs you for food and that’s it. Physically, diapers and undershirts would be lovely.

So relax and remember that for the first 6 weeks, you’re not going to need a stroller because you’re not going to go to the park anytime soon. To go to the pediatrician at 2 weeks old is going to be your first major trip. Just coordinating that your baby is fed before the appointment, and to pack a diaper bag and have a bowl of soup will leave you exhausted! You will come back refreshed though because the pediatrician will be happy, and you’ll feel comfortable asking a million questions. When you come home, you will collapse into bed and wonder how on earth will you ever manage to get out on the street again, like, ever!

But you will, and by the time you will be ready, your budget will be too! You will discover that just like that, the store down the block has a sale on cribs, at 70% off! Then your neighbor will say that their d.I.l. hates this new stroller, you can have it. and your mil will buy the first 3 outfits, and all you will need is nothing! Hashem will guide you step by step, this is Hashem’s child and you will see His guiding hand every step of the way! May you be zoche to an easy and healthy delivery, and lots of nachas!

shayna82

Tue, Apr 10 2007, 10:10 pm

I want to add, that not everyone stays at home for 6 weeks and dosnt go anyhwere other than the doctor. some mothers want and need to get out on a walk with their new baby, especially this time of year when its so nice and the sun gives you energy. in addition to that, some mothers need to get out or want to get out and get new baby clothing cuz they didnt recieve everything they need. yes, lots of husbands will do that, but some like myself wanted to pick out my own closet of clothes for baby, baby tub, stroller.

so dependingon what type you are, yes, those expenses might creep up in the beginning.

Marion

Tue, Apr 10 2007, 11:29 pm

Like Shayna said, it's not the same for everyone. First of all, you need a carseat if you're driving home from the hospital. It's the law. We put a deposit on the travel system and rocking chair we wanted, and my DH's uncle picked it all up and delivered it to us the morning we were released from the hospital. With a first baby, you WILL get presents...especially if it's a boy and you're making a bris. So there's definitely no need to "stock up" until you see what arrives and what doesn't. And even then, I say buy as you need to. You don't need 18 packages of diapers, nor 3 boxes of formula (even if you've decided not to nurse, at the very beginning they don't eat a whole lot). If you have your heart set on a specific outfit, you could probably ask the store to put it aside and DH can pick it up (or someone else) before you leave the hospital. Go window shopping and decide what you want...it's fun and doesn't cost anything yet. Shop around, see where you can make your money go the farthest (although for some things like strollers I haven't noticed huge price differences unless there's a sale going on). If you want to put off the expense of a crib, ask around and borrow a small cradle or playpen from friends/neighbours/a gemach until you're ready for a crib. (We did that and my mom decided later that she wanted to buy the crib for us...we got lucky but it made me happy we hadn't rushed out to buy one earlier.) And feel free to PM me if you have questions!

Raisin

Wed, Apr 11 2007, 6:23 am

Depending on your situation, you may or may not get presents. With my first baby, we lived in a different country than almost all my family, and in a place where we had not lived very long. I got very few gifts for my dd. (and some of those were obvious regifts I.e horrendous or one person even gave me a summer outfit in september) bh she was born in July and she didn't need much. With my other kids, we lived in a more settled place, where my dh is the rabbi, and we got loads of presents.

Don't forget, with a boy, you will have the expense of a bris.

Marion

Wed, Apr 11 2007, 7:49 am

Raisin wrote:

Don't forget, with a boy, you will have the expense of a bris.

If the mohel is "licensed", he should be charging a standard, authorized rate, of about 1200 shekel. How much you spend on a seudah (and then, G-d willing a month later on the pidyon haben), is entirely up to you. I've been to lots of britot where they served milchigs...Holy Bagel or Tal Bagel. It was very nice, and I bet it was in the 1500 shekel neighbourhood for 70 people.

withhumor

Wed, Apr 11 2007, 9:19 am

I got a mountain of stuff by my son, and he was my second kid! I was so shocked, and it didn’t stop! Until like 3 weeks after his bris. It was amazing. Many of the things I exchanged for bigger sizes or other stuff, that I didn’t have from the first kid. Only one person gave money, and I was thrilled. The bris we did at the Beis Medrash, they have a small standard fee for everyone, they do everything. Since the ladies didn’t want baked chicken bottoms and gefilta fish at 8:10 in the morning, it barely cost like $100! Otherwise, the mohel got a substantial sum from us, and I’d say it’s worth getting the service.

Marion

Wed, Apr 11 2007, 9:29 am

withhumor wrote:

Otherwise, the mohel got a substantial sum from us, and I’d say it’s worth getting the service.

In Israel, like I said, the mohel should be around 1200 shekel; it's a standardized fee set by the Ministry of Religious Affairs (Misrad haDatot). They are permitted to charge less, but not more. We had a GREAT mohel...and hope to have the opportunity to use him again. He came 2 days before the bris to see the baby, and to show me how to care for him afterwards, he spent time at the bris also showing me what had changed and explaining what side effects I should keep an eye out for, and he came a day after the bris (motzaei Shabbat!) to check the baby and help with the first post-bris "bath".