What age do you allow your kid to sleep at friends house?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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alittlebirdie

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 7:48 am

My 12 year old is sleeping by a friend cause school is out. Now my 10 year old wants to also but I think she is still too young. What is the general opinion on this?

amother

Seafoam

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 7:54 am

never. this is not the world we grew up in, abuse is all over the place, regular hormonal teenage boys are around, and I wouldn't mess. They can have sleepovers when they are 15 and well aware of the world and can protect themselves

amother

Salmon

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 8:43 am

amother wrote:

It is but only teenage boys. Teenage girls have no outlet for their zexuality. There is too much playing around in camps and same gender HS. I teach and some of these girls are all over each other. One of my daughters friends was kissing another girl in camp. Yuck.

The girls can sleep over in my house in a separate bedroom well supervised by me.

ahuva06

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 9:02 am

I would say it depends on each child and their own personality. I would have an open discussion about being appropriate etc. before the child goes. (Which in any case is an important conversation to have..)

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 9:35 am

amother wrote:

can you explain this? Boys are not the only ones doing hanky panky. an what do you mean by no "outlet" for their sezuality? and frum boys do?

I have let my 7 year old daughter sleep over at friends already.

Ema of 5

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 9:40 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I think she meant it is NOT only boys, as in....girls don't have an outlet either. In response to the person who said never because teenage boys don't have an outlet and abuse is rampant.

Gerbera

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 9:44 am

My daughter started at 6. Depends on each individual child. We've read Private Places together and had discussions about appropriate behaviour. I slept out as a kid from age six and up.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 9:45 am

eema of 3 wrote:

I think she meant it is NOT only boys, as in....girls don't have an outlet either. In response to the person who said never because teenage boys don't have an outlet and abuse is rampant.

ah.

Barbara

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 10:01 am

A teenager who wants to explore her z3xuality is going to do so, on a sleepover, on a play date, on her way home from school, or when you ask her to run to the store for a gallon of milk.

And while I'm sure that children have been molested on sleepovers, they've also been molested while playing at shul, and at school. I doubt that most molestation happens when there is more than one child present -- ie on a sleepover.

You talk to your kids and hope for the best. You don't keep them from normal childhood activities out of fear.

By the way, do you all rely look at your children and say "s/he is so likely to molest a child that I cannot allow other children to visit my home,or sleep over." Because that's what you're saying, that every child, including your own, is very likely to be a molester. What a sad way to look at the world. What a sad way to look at your child, your nieces and nephews, your friends kids.

OP, kids are ready at different ages. And always start at.a home that is close enough for a middle of the night pick up if needed.

DrMom

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 11:06 am

amother wrote:

Quite a scary worldview. shock

My kids started sleepovers at ~9. With families we know, of course.

amother

White

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 11:22 am

7-10 depending on the child.
Of course only with families we know and after years of discussion about privacy of body etc... (start that when they are 3-4 so it's drilled in)

tigerwife

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 11:40 am

DrMom wrote:

Quite a scary worldview. shock

My kids started sleepovers at ~9. With families we know, of course.

Agreed.
Also, knowing the family is key. Of course, anything can happen even with people you know and trust. But you can also live life, and do your best to be responsible.

little_mage

Sun, Jul 05 2015, 4:46 pm

I was having sleepovers at six or so. When I was eight, I flew by myself for a weekend to visit a friend who had moved away.

Ruchel

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 8:34 am

My then 4 dd was meant to have a sleepover. To a friend who, gasp, has brothers (ewww, boys lol). The only reason it didn't happen was that the father is "nervous" (read, has a tendency to hit/slap).

I don't know of this world view that it's all so bad.

amother

Salmon

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 9:24 am

Barbara wrote:

Maybe having multiple children sleeping over is a good defense. Mine is that all children sleep at my house in separate bedrooms. More incidents can take place under the cover of darkness then running for a gallon of milk.

When you have a strict segregation of the genders such as in prison or concentration camps the incidents of homosexuality increase. The same things happen at sleep away camp. People seem to look for an outlet to the zexuality. I am not concerned about molesters as much as willing participants.

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 06 2015, 10:42 am

amother wrote:

I would not allow my DD to sleep over at someone's house if she was to sleep in a separate bedroom. I would not trust such parents. I think it's far more safe for her to sleep in the same room as a group of friends. And I would think the parents who have such rules are strange. Isolation is NOT safe.

Sleepovers is a normal, fun thing for friends, so long as I know and trust the parents and I'm comfortable with the friendships of those participating. It's a time for late night games of Apples to Apples and the like, with popcorn popping and hot cocoa, crazy selfies and hairstyles (for girls). When my DD's have sleepovers, I keep an eye on the situation and at some point (depending on their age) I start moving them toward going to sleep (yeah it means a late night for me, too.)

DrMom

Tue, Jul 07 2015, 1:20 am

amother wrote:

I would never let my child sleep over at the home of someone who constantly suspects her children will molest each other. I would assume either:

(1) there is a good reason for her suspicions (and therefore there is no way would I let my child go over to that house for an instant), or

(2) the mother has some serious issues/obsessions with sxuality (ditto the comment above).

MagentaYenta

Tue, Jul 07 2015, 2:00 am

Giving a child's sleepover guests works only if you have a large home with extra bedrooms. For two or three guests everyone would sleep in the DDs bedroom. Four to six would get the family room. I would pop in from time to time. Same when they all shared the DDs bedroom but I would be able to hear them talking and giggling throughout the night when I finally got to bed myself.

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