I feel awful - daughter's affection getting on my nerves

mommy1and3

Fri, Oct 16 2015, 8:51 am

I'm recalling something I once heard while taking Dina Friedman's parenting course, that extreme affection from kids can be
some sort of misbehavior technique I'm sorry I don't remember the exact details you might want to look into it though,

Chayalle

Fri, Oct 16 2015, 9:06 am

causemommysaid wrote:

Perhaps it is enough for most people but this particular child obviously has different needs. Of course she needs to be taught boundaries but it helps to understand that affection needs are different for every person.

I am not a huggy person by nature but I have family who is very huggy and touchy. It drove me very crazy until I realized that it was a clashing of needs that was the issue. I learned to be more affectionate and they learned to be less and it helped us both.

Agree that child has different needs, but what that need is, is the question. For some children, what is needed is to teach the child boundaries, because for that child it does not come naturally.

When a child is excessively clingy, hanging onto the mother and constantly hugging/kissing/touching, of course the mother should ask herself Am I giving this child enough? If she can answer YES to her own question, then what the child needs is appropriate doses of physical affection along with boundaries and limitations. Simply giving into the child constantly, allowing the child to continue to behave the way she is, is counterproductive and damaging to the mother/child relationship.

observer

Fri, Oct 16 2015, 9:59 am

I have a child like this, too. I try to give her a lot of physical affection, hugs, snuggles, massages, etc.

A big part of it is sensory and as others.mentioned, there are other alternatives through which your child can receive sensory input.

Some ideas: wrap her up tightly in a blanket for a few minutes, fill a large bin with beans or any other texture and let her go in and play in it, buy a handheld vibrating massager and either you can use it on her or she can even use it herself, and even a bath can give great sensory input.

These more intense sensory experiences, especially when done regularly, should help satiate her need for physical touch a little.

amother

Red

Fri, Oct 16 2015, 10:05 am

observer wrote:

She'd love this! Thanks! Op

amother

Hotpink

Fri, Oct 16 2015, 10:06 am

Sounds like a sensory issue to me she needs proprioceptive input aka pressure if she is squeezing/ leaning on you. Give her a full body, tight hug , light hug would probably not satisfy her. You can ask how tight and her body will tell her. while counting to 30 or until she wiggles away. Then see if she doesn't walk away on her own. After a long hard hug she will feel grounded and safe. I know because I am like this, even now.