Why do people care so much about this?

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 9:04 am

Maybe it's just the people I know, but people get so hung up on kids sleeping with their parents past a certain age and make all sorts of pronouncements about how bad this is for the kids and hinders their development and by God if your kid doesn't learn to sleep on his own by 2, he will still be living in your basement at 32. I do believe that if you don't want your kids in your bed, then teach them not to go there. If it's disturbing your sleep or your zex life, then by all means, you need to do what you need to do. But guess what? Some of us don't have a problem with it, and some people even encourage or davka want their kids with them at night, and that's fine too!
My kids mostly sleep on their own, but sometimes wander in at night. It does not disturb us in any way, and most of the time it happens, we don't even know they're there until we wake up in the morning. Why should I disturb my sleep to "teach" this "crucial" lesson when it's not making problems for anyone? Oldest is 5, and so what if he sometimes wants to be close by in the middle of the night? And he's quite independent for his age and not at all needy or clingy. So why do people have to make a stink that he's too old and I need to teach him to stay in his bed?
And for everyone who thinks that going on too long causes long term harm, my neighbors have 6 kids who all slept with them until 10 or 11. The older ones are all doctors and lawyers and married with kids, the younger ones are all honor students in their respective colleges. Hardly damaged, if you ask me. People need to just mind their own business Rolling Eyes

yksraya

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 9:12 am

I don't understand why you need to mention to others that your kids do or don't come into your room at night.

it's perfectly normal for toddlers/preschoolers to come in during the night. Ds3 comes in every night, even my other kids sometimes come in somewhere close to morning. Yet I don't discuss it will ppl, none of their business what I do or don't do.

If I choose to discuss something, it's understandable that ppl will voice their opinion about it. So I only discuss stuff I care to have an opinion about.

MiracleMama

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 9:18 am

I personally find it annoying. Right now I have a seven yr old who has wandered into our bedroom nearly every night for the past 6 months. It drives me crazy. But I don't really care what you or anyone else does with their kids in terms of sleeping arrangements. Not hung up about it in the least.

amother

Pink

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 9:33 am

I dont allow my kids in bedroom past a certain age. oh they can come occassionally but not just whenever they want. and if thats what you like. then by all means do what you like. I did find that one of my kids didnt want to sleep on her own and she was really big. she was like 7. I had recently gotten remarried then. and I needed her to realize that theres a father figure in the house. she didnt like it. because she was sleeping with me every night up till then. so it was hard for her. but my other kids know that everyone has there own bed. that doesnt in any way shape or form mean your kids will have issues. common on, whoevwer wants to make you believe that your kids will have issues well.....I guess you know thats not rational

Queen6

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 9:56 am

I'm the person who really cares Smile

I'm sorry if you don't like me but here is why:
.1 A good nights sleep is CRUCIAL for everyone's success. When kids are coming in and out both you, your spouse, and the child are not sleeping the way they should. So yes giving up on one or two nights of sleep or putting your foot down and locking the door will pay off in the long run. Sleep is important.
.2 A child should allow Mom and Dad to have personal space. They are the parents - children are not on the same level. Parents don't have to share EVERYTHING with their kids. You bedroom symbolizes that message.

Chayalle

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 10:21 am

Queen6 wrote:

I'm the person who really cares Smile

While this may work well for you, different people have different priorities and different personalities (and so do their kids).

So if this is your opinion and it works for you, great. But for you to care so much as to shove your opinion on someone else (where you don't know the dynamics and what works for them) is overstepping your bounds.

morah

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 10:32 am

Queen6 wrote:

I'm the person who really cares Smile

You're making the exact assumption that OP is saying people need to challenge more. She clearly states that no one in her household is losing any sleep or personal space. I don't let my kids in my bed because we WOULD lose sleep and personal space, but that obviously isn't true for everyone. There's nothing inherently wrong the arrangement. If it works without harming any of the parties, then slapping on an age limit is completely arbitrary.

amother

Slateblue

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 10:46 am

I ave been sleeping with my kids for the past 20 something years.
They start off with mommy when they are a nursing baby, and then gets to Daddys bed
until he gets fed up from lack of sleep, and goes to own bed.
This is what worked for us. Is it ideal? no
Has it affected our SB-s-x life? yes
I just did if for convenient. we never discussed our sleeping arraingement
with anyone.

amother

Tangerine

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 2:26 pm

amother wrote:

The older ones are all doctors and lawyers and married with kids, the younger ones are all honor students in their respective colleges. Hardly damaged, if you ask me. People need to just mind their own business Rolling Eyes

I need to challenge this coming from a family of Drs, lawyers, and honor students and fitting two of those categories. Acheivement is not the measure of whether you are damaged or not. Plenty of Drs, lawyers and honor students are damaged goods. Sometimes they get damaged because of their drive to succeed. They have their eye the prize to the exclusion of important things. You absolutely have uncaring and social [crazy] Drs, lawyers and honor students.

My sister is living at home with all five of her unmarried children. Three of them are in medical school. The rest fit in your categories. They lack a degree of independence that is not normal. My bil oversees their money and tells them they can't buy things like a desk. Maybe I should ask her if they slept in her bed.

I have a niece who is an honor student in high school who is so selfish and jealous it is heartbreaking. She is also obese and sabotages her classmates. I should ask her mother if she let her kids sleep in her bed.