Party invite to fill chair space

amother

Ruby

Sun, Dec 06 2015, 11:31 pm

Hey. Would you attend a party from a family member who invited you because they had to. So basically my invite was an afterthought to the real guest they wanted and they need extra people. My kids will have a great time though and be so disappointed if they miss out while I will be feeling unwanted and down about it. What would you do

ra_mom

Sun, Dec 06 2015, 11:36 pm

Do you know for sure that you were invited to fill chair space? Or did you just get a late invite and feel like an afterthought?
Either way, because the kids are involved, I'd probably just go and try to have a good time.

amother

Ruby

Sun, Dec 06 2015, 11:41 pm

Fairly certain we are the afterthought guests to fill up the room. They picked us because my husband gets along with the invite husband and they like to spend time, but I will be left out of the conversation with the women. I guess I will go for my kids, just hate how people can ignore you when it is convenient and ask you to come around because it suits them.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Dec 07 2015, 7:51 am

amother wrote:

I don't know why you think you are an afterthought guest. You say they get along with DH and like to spend time with him. As someone who hosts I never invite anyone to fill chair space. It is easier to remove chairs.

Perhaps you were invited because they wanted to enjoy DH or they felt bad for you or they were obligated because you were family. To fill chair space doesn't make sense.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Dec 07 2015, 8:24 am

If I wanted to go, or if I thought my kids would have a good time, I'd go and make sure I was the life and soul of the party, be super friendly to everyone and make the host regret not putting me on the original list, in case it was true that I wasn't.

zaq

Mon, Dec 07 2015, 6:52 pm

Nobody giving a private party needs "to fill chair space". That is done only in theaters and at organizational events at which it would it be embarrassing to the performers or speakers to have a poor turnout.

amother

Salmon

Mon, Dec 07 2015, 8:16 pm

I was recently invited to a party where I was told I was a chair filler. ("so and so couldn't come so I was wondering if you'd like to join us instead") I gotta say, it was a great party and I had lots of fun. I'd like to say get over it but that sounds kinda mean so instead I'll say, I got over it and it was worth it.

zaq

Mon, Dec 07 2015, 8:38 pm

amother wrote:

You're a lot smarter than your hostess. For Chanuka, buy her savoir faire lessons. Lesson #1: NEVER let anyone know they're B-list invitees.

agreer

Mon, Dec 07 2015, 8:44 pm

amother wrote:

What a fantastic attitude! You are so smart to take advantage and not let your feelings get you down!

I hope OP can learn from her.

And for all the others doubting the validity of OP's feelings, I do believe that it IS possible that there is more going on there than self-doubt. Sometimes, guests DO know why they've been invited, and it is because their husband/children/etc are more desired than the actual wife. Her feelings are valid and understandable.

The trick is to be like the previous poster - not let the host's reasoning interfere with your ability to take advantage and enjoy.