Why Do They Enjoy Making Us Mad?

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Sun, May 27 2007, 5:53 pm

Okay, so I know a parent should not get mad in the first place. But I was just wondering about some child psychology.
If children hate getting yelled at, being put in time out etc... why do they intentionally drive their parents over the edge.
And I know my son is doing it intentionally because he smiles before he "crosses the line." to see what I will do. And he does it..making sure I notice.
Usually I control my temper, and this doesn't happen, but on days like today when I had a complete meltdown, he does whatever he did (I.e. the thing he got punished for) again to press my buttons.
Why do kids like to do this? Especially since they got punished the first time? Any amateur (or even professional) psychologists here with this kid experience?
It would help me understand him better.

amother

Sun, May 27 2007, 6:30 pm

Your talking like you were never a kid yourself.

greenfire

Sun, May 27 2007, 6:40 pm

I believe they want to see if you the parent are really in control ... so they test over and over and over ... in hope that they one day will get control ... or in hope you can continue to safeguard them with your control ... whoever said it was easy ... Twisted Evil

mimivan

Sun, May 27 2007, 7:33 pm

If you aren't usually getting angry, maybe he is testing the waters to see if you are back to "normal"
Like one Shabbos, I had a horrible migrane and was in a rotten mood. I try to avoid getting upset with my kids over issues concerning Yiddishkeit. but I was weak and yelled at my son for intentionally playing with something muktze.
Throughout the day, he went back to touch the object. It was only when I calmly said, "honey, that's muktze, we don't play with that on Shabbos" and I was back to my calmer self that he stopped.

It's like they are testing the water and maybe Hashem gives them this capacity to give us practice working on our middos until we get it right Wink

My guess is your son will stop doing what he is doing when you are less angry. It might not be immediate, but you should see some improvement...just my guess.

happymom

Sun, May 27 2007, 8:14 pm

they want to test ure love and see if ull love them no matter what. I think deep down thats what thye are thinking.Also, its importnat to give kids alot of positive attention, cuz if they get lots of negatie attention, at least they are getting ure attention so theyll just do the thing u dont like over and over.

Seraph

Mon, May 28 2007, 4:11 am

Like happymom said- lots of kids misbehave because that's the only way they know to get attention. By giving them attention in other ways, they don't always need to act out to get attention.

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